Thursday, March 29, 2012

Curse You, Kindle!

I'm trying to organize my Kindle. If the Kindle was a paperback book, it'd be toast right about now. I'd have burned the damn thing for being recalcitrant and stupid and downright evil. I know it sneers at me when I have to go back to the beginning and start over. They need to invent a way to open another window when you're filing books. Or something. It's all very ...


So, here's to you Southern Comfort (that's my Kindle) - pffffffffffffffffttt!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Anti Depressants and Romance

Oh, I'm in such a good mood. I'm in a frolicking through the meadows while singing a happy song and attracting small woodland creatures in my wake, kind of mood.

I restarted my anti-depressants.

I take the 'happy pills' (what my daughter and I call them) because menopause is harsh and I got PMS badly because of it. I stopped taking them after I lost my insurance via unemployment and now I restarted (got job, insurance and happy pills... start dancing Disney squirrels!!).

Anyway, it got me to thinking... when I'm on the pills I sleep better, I feel better, I avoid the occasional moroseness that overcomes my usual sunny disposition. And honestly, I feel a little of ye olde lustiness. Without happy pills, I can see a hawt man and not wonder how large his baseball bat of love is. With the pills? Let's start swinging that thing!

Anti-depressants are wonderful things. I say that in all seriousness and would suggest most Americans would benefit from a large dosage of them. However, there is a side effect with some and that's a lack of sexual interest or the inability to orgasm.

Are you seeing my mind working here?

So taking the standard romance trope of the vaguely experienced heroine who has never had a proper O but then the hero swings his bat her way and she's orgasming so hard and so much that they're calling neurologists in to study her, well, it made me wonder what if it was just a chemical inbalance?

That made me wonder further, would anybody find that as interesting a plot twist as I would? What if there was a heroine who couldn't seizure whenever the mighty wang made its entrance and it just turned out the doctor had her on the wrong pill?

Seriously, would you read it?

Sunday, March 25, 2012

More Visuals for Carolyn

The above is Kofi. He's from Africa (don't ask me where) and he's a high flyer and so adorable.
R. Truth. A total nutjob but hysterical. And look at that body! Holy Moly, look at that body!!
David Otunga. Harvard grad. Jennifer Hudson's husband. He wears bow ties for some strange reason.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Thea Harrison's Latest.

Lately I've been hanging out at Smart Bitches quite a bit, oogling the ads, and one in particular. That would be the ad for Thea Harrison's Natural Evil. It's a cute little ad and indeed I do thank her for it. :-)

Now I've read the book. Oh. My. God.

The heroine rules. A forty year old ex-special forces, with a touch of useful magic and common sense to go along with her physical training. Claudia can kick some ass, y'all.

Luis. Luis is ... hawt. Young and hawt. And determined. And loveable. I loved him, at least. *grin*

Love the ad, love the book, love the characters. Thank you, Thea Harrison.

For Sooz. :-)

It's weird, I tried to post this in a separate post, but it wouldn't 'take'.

"Come here, my beautiful one ..."


Friday, March 23, 2012


Hey y'all. Just discovered a Roberta Gellis sale over on Amazon. May be in other places too, but I'm too damn lazy to search them out. Sorry ...

Anyway, here's a link.

Lordy, I just love finding sales! $1.49 - kewl, as the younger generation says. ;-D

Thursday, March 22, 2012

More Short Fart Randomness

As a major Survivor fan, I'm HUGELY disappointed in this current season of Survivor. They started by dividing the teams as men against women and had them sharing a beach which was different and cool. But then they changed the teams up and there was team Buff against team Nerd and it was awful.
The other awful thing was that they had their first openly racist player and it was bothersome how much the people around him just didn't care. In fact, his behavior wasn't only tolerated, it was repeated by others.
I found him repellent and the team members who didn't shun him, just as bad. I don't know if I'll even continue to watch this season because it was so disturbing to see how easily people tolerated his hate and hate speech. What a vile, loathesome man!
On a positive note: have two books to read with black heroes and I'm wildly excited. I'm ready for non-white characters. In fact, I'm writing one.
Which leads me to what I've been pondering lately. As I posted awhile ago, I read the Travis series by Lisa Kleypas and was struck by it's complete and total awesomeness. It was that good and then some. Enough so that it made me want to write.
What I'm writing is similar to what that series is. I have a first person heroine, an alpha hero, mother issues. So does that mean I'm writing a Lisa Kleypas, Travis fan fic? Although it's based in California and not Texas.... and the heroine is black ... and there's no brothers nd sisters showing up....
But the thing is that Lisa Kleypas makes me want to write better and she makes me want to pull out the same feelings in my writing. So is it fan fic or dirivative or what?
I dunno. Maybe later I'll ask DA.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


Spring is here and I feel 100% better. Well, okay, 95% better. I like the cooler weather of winter, but ... but ... I just don't feel so chipper. But how could one live in the beauty that's the South in Spring and not feel their spirits lift? Check out the pics below - not the guy, although he's definitely worth checking out - but the flora of Alabama. And that's just the dogwoods!

Anywhoo, this time of year also seems to spring a lot of books. I just received a bunch of pre-orders not long ago and my open digital orders at Amazon is still amazingly full. I'm going to list them for you and give you links if the Link God will let me. Just the Amazon link, because let's face it, Techie Girl I'm not and why push my luck? You can find them at the seller of your choice after I point them out to you, right?

So, here we go. Fingers crossed the techie gods are in a good mood.

Unstoppable by Laura Griffin. Check the price on this one!!

She's a great romantic suspense writer.

Beguiling the Beauty by Sherry Thomas.

The Way Back by Stephanie Doyle, a Harlequin Super Romance. *Shrugs* It sounded good and the price was right, so I ordered it.

Dream Lake by Lisa Kleypas. Okay, this is a summer book, but I wanted to make sure I got my order in. :-)

The Witness by Nora Roberts. This one is iffy because the price is outrageous!! Still, it sounds damn good and it is Nora ...

Another summer book - Gunmetal Magic by Ilona Andrews. Can't wait for this one - Andrea's story.

The Last Boyfriend by Nora Roberts. The second in the Boonesboro trilogy. Pricey, but not as outrageous as The Witness.

Thank God the release of all these books are spaced out a bit. But you know, I don't spend money on much these days except books, so I refuse to feel guilty. Besides, these books are getting a deal - two readers for the price of one, lol.

Do any of them appeal to you?

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Friday, March 16, 2012

Spring Pilgrimage

I'm not sure we had a winter down here this year,but spring, it has sprung.

It is the best time of the year in Alabama. Azaleas are blooming along with magnolias, dogwood and all sorts of fruit trees. It is truly a fairyland. I offer pictures as proof. :-)

I admit I googled these, because I'm technologically challenged. I could take pics with the phone I barely know how to use, but then I don't know how to get it into the computer or where to put it or what to do with it if I ever get it there. Believe me, googling and borrowing some pics is much safer.

The fourth picture down is Old Live Oak Cemetary. It featured prominately in The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, starring Alan Arkin, which was filmed in Selma.

Enjoy my spring. :-)

Oh Noes

Woe is me. I can't get into Dear Author. :-(

I would blame my desktop at home, except I can't get in at work either. So I don't really know which end has the problem.

Normally, it wouldn't bother me, but DA has embarked on a series of op eds on fanfic. I was interesting in reading these and also getting the opinions of the many respondants about ff, since Lori and I sort of came from that background.

Sort of ... it's a long story, lol.

Anyone know why clicking on DA makes my computers freeze up? Why nothing but the background downloads? It's a pretty green, but I need just a bit more.

Anyone want to give me a synopsis of what's going on over there?

Stan is no help whatsoever. He's got only one thing on his mind and I am so over that now.

Damn. Double damn.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

What? Another Free Book??

Oh yeah.... another free book. We're playing around on Amazon trying new things and so it's free!free!free!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Lisa Kleypas: The Travis Series

I'm going to try and avoid the fangirl squee here and just talk about the books. So far there's three:

Sugar Daddy
Blue Eyed Devil
Smooth Talking Stranger

The Travis family is a rich Houston family with father Churchill, sons Gabe, Jack and Joe and daughter Haven.

Sugar Daddy is the story of Liberty, a girl who grows up with a complicated home life in a trailer park. Her mother loves her but is troubled and when she has a second child, that child becomes Liberty's. It's a natural thing in their lives and I think any older sister can relate to the overwhelming love a younger sister brings.

Liberty spends the first half of the book in love with Hardy, a boy from the trailer park who is worth loving. He's a hard ass by necessity, he loves Liberty but won't get involved because she would settle him and escape from his life is all he seeks.

The second half of the book is how she becomes part of the Travis family via a platonic relationship with the patriarch and then a romance with the eldest son, Gage. Hardy comes back into her life and the story is rich with everybody's emotions.

The next book is Blue Eyed Devil. Here is Haven's story. She is the only Travis daughter and she had a contentious relationship with her parents, especially her mother. They wanted a princess and they got a tomboy. (Hoo boy, can I relate to that!!)

Haven is so used to criticism and not being what others want that when she marries, she finds herself tied to an abusive, narcisstic man who destroys her self esteem and ultimately beats her.

Haven's gradual acceptance of her abuse is hard to read and when she finally escapes and returns to her family, her scars are obvious and quite powerful. Her ultimate romantic relationship is with Hardy, a man capable of ruthlessness yet so able to be gentle and understanding that he completely redefines what a hero is.

Smooth Talking Stranger is Ella's story. Now here we have a woman raised with her sister by a narcissist mother. The women have huge emotional scars from their mother and the story begins with Ella's younger sister having a baby and pretty much dumping it on Ella.

Ella tries to find the father and meets Jack Travis, the second Travis son. From the moment of their meeting Jack goes into total nurturing role. He challenges Ella who plays at being a vegan/hippie type but more than that, he helps her stop hiding from deep emotion and the occasional drama life throws at us and to fight past the fear.

I read each book in about a day, gobbling them up like they were candy but feeling them enrich my soul, like a gourmet meal.

I'll start by saying the only negative I found with these books were that they were all written as first person and reading them one after the other, they all had the same narrative voice. There was no difference between any of the women in voice.

However, it was a brilliantly crafted voice so who gives a fuck.

But for me the ringing theme was that these were three women all on journies that were affected by or truly reactive to their mothers. And that meant so much to me. Because when all is said and done, it's how our mother's raise us, see us and love us that have the strength to color how we live our lives.

As a woman, it's our mothers that show us what womanhood is and how we fit into that role.

Liberty has the strongest mother and the most maternal. But her mother makes bad choices that ultimately ends her life and leaves her daughters on their own, scrabbling hard to create a life.

Haven's mother is the least intrusive, having been dead for years but her stinging criticisms of her daughter leaves her emotionally open to an abusive man. And Ella's narcisstic mother stunts her daughter's emotional growth leaving them unable to connect in a deep way to other people.

The men are alpha heroes who are big, strong Texan men. they hunt, they shoot, they have big penises. And each of them is so secure in his own skin and masculinity that when he falls in love, he can easily take a nurturing role and be a help-mate. In fact it's amusing to see how these men are such assholes with their sister's life and yet so gentle with their own women. It's real.

These books are brilliant. I want to stay in their world, share more of their pain and growth. I want to do a better job here describing why they're so good and you should read them.

You should read them if you haven't already. These are more than love stories, they're stories about women who live complicated lives and find the kind of love we all deserve.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Dear Lori:

I'm on my way home.

I should be furious with you for putting out wanted posters on me, but it turns out I don't have enough money to get to Greece (as you know book sales haven't been exactly stellar)and Stan turned out to be a really nice guy.

So thank you. Should be home by the weekend. There might be a slight detour.

Oh - Stan says hi.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Thursday, March 8, 2012

For God's sake - what am I doing in Rome????

For that matter, what am I doing in Europe? Do they have car ferries to Europe? That take buses too? Huh ... I never realized how Americanized Europe has become.

I wanted to go to Greece, to Athens, but there it is on a big sign. I'm in Rome.

It was the Ripple, I know it was. I don't like buses, so I compensated. I thought Ripple was sort of a weak liqueur, but evidently not. Two bottles put me down for the count. And out for a week, I guess. How long does it take a ferry to get to Europe from north Alabama?

They kicked me off the bus. End of the line, the driver said. Guess he got stopped by the Mediterranean. That sucks, I might have made it to Greece.

"Excuse me sir, do you speak English?"

"Honey, I'll speak whatever you want me to."

"How generous. I don't want to be here. In Rome. I was aiming for Athens. Any idea how I can get there?"

"Why, it's on down the road a piece. Just rent a car."

"A car? Not a boat?"

"Whatchoo want a boat fur?"

"So I won't drown?"

"You sure are askin' a passel of questions. You in north Jawja, darlin'. You more likely to fall off a mountain than drown."

"Georgia! How the hell did I get to Georgia?"

"There you go with them questions agin. Somethin' wrong with you lady."

A fine gentleman he turned out to be! Least he could have done was point me toward a rental place. Georgia! Okay, I need to go to Atlanta,that's where I need to go. It's got an airport, I hear.

Seems like I was supposed to do something for Lori this morning, but I can't quite recall ... Doesn't matter, she doesn't deserve it, putting all my private business on the internet! How dare she!!!

I'm a live and let live kind of person but she's gone too far this time. She can keep Farts. I'll settle for Greece. :-)


Well Carolyn was supposed to be here and get the early morning blog readers while I have my unnecessary beauty sleep *wink wink*. However, she's refusing to answer her phone and emails are going unanswered.

so anyway... now that I know how to make books free on Amazon, I'm doing it again. Miss Hex Mex, Book 2 of The Chaotic Coven but a stand-alone short romance. It has cooking, witches, sex and a sexy Frenchman.

I swear when I find out what that red-headed woman is doing, I'm going to bite her kneecaps!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

.... oh lord, I think I'm lost ...

The End of Two Old Farts?

Transcribed from an IM conversation:

Short Fart: What do you mean you're moving to Greece?

Tired Fart: You went too far, Lori! I put up with a lot but if you think I'm going to sit back while you exploit my maladies, you've got another thing coming!

Short Fart: Red, you're taking it personally. Anyway, nobody even knew it was true or not. They probably thought I made it all up.

Tired Fart: It wasn't funny! Do you know how sad it is to have your woman parts in pain and protective covering?

Short Fart: Protective covering? Like underwear?

Tired Fart: I don't want to talk about it.

Short Fart: Bandages?

Tired Fart:

Short Fart: A cast?? Were you in a clit cast? OMG!!! I'm dying here.

Tired Fart: *sniff* I said I did not wish to discuss it. But this is ample reason for why I'm going to Greece and taking my books with me.

Short Fart: You can't go to Greece. We're not done with edits, you have the key to the chocolate cabinet and you promised you'd go with me to Couple's Kareoke at Bender's House of Booze. You know you're the closest thing I got to a man friend currently.

Tired Fart: You bitch! That's why I'm leaving! You don't appreciate me.

Short Fart: Oh stop it, you're not going anywhere. Anyway, you're a redhead, you're allergic to sun and Greece is sunny I think. So what shall we wear to benders? Support hose and Daisy Dukes?

Tired Fart:

Short Fart: Don't be like that, Red. Come on.

Tired Fart:

Short Fart: Red?

Tired Fart:

Short Fart: Oh shit...

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

And Furthermore ...

I'm taking a shitload of books with me.

Evidently the end of February/first part of March is important in the publishing lexicon. I had pre-ordered some new releases by my favorite authors. You know, the authors you don't mind - much - spending ten or twelve dollars on their ebooks? Or maybe you do ...

Anyway, the first batch downloaded February 29 a.m. Angels' Flight by Nalini Singh, Echos of Betrayal by Elizabeth Moon, Rainbow Road by Lisa Kleypas. My bank account staggered, but bravely carried on, even though I'd felt obliged to buy Christmas Eve at Friday Harbor which I'm reading now.

Then ...! The second batch dl'd. Fair Game by Patricia Briggs. When Maidens Mourn by C.S. Harris. Oracle's Moon by Thea Harrison.

Now, I may have some of the dates/books mixed up, but the fact remains I've got a shitload of books that cost a shitload of money, much more than I ususally pay.

But you know what? These authors are worth it. And it's worth it to have these luscious books all packed up in my Kindle, ready to partay with me in Greece.

But next time I'll be sure to check the release dates. Or maybe not - I feel like it's Christmas, lol.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I can't take anymore!!!!!!

I'm running away .....


Where is Carolyn?

Oh my goodness, I have been inudated with cries of concern, Where is Carolyn? The lack of posts by the laconic redhead has been noticed and is worrying so many of you.

Why just this morning I got an email that read:

Dear Short Fart,

I was wondering if you finally snapped and killed your writing partner? Her lack of posts, silence and obvious avoidance of this blog is pretty glaring.

If you did it for profit, good for you. If you did it to run off with her husband, that's tacky but understandable since you need some light bulbs that need to be changed. And if you did it for practice, that's why you have cats.

Please come clean.

Love, Mom

Well here's the unvarnished truth. Carolyn has had this little known medical condition called glitterclitter wherein everytime she sunbathes nude, her clitoris lights up like a goddamned Christmas tree. She's like a sexual Edward Cullen on display. Seriously, sunlight is her enemy. Makes her look lit between the legs.

So she's had a little procedure to fix it. Right now she's laying in a dark room, her poor little nubbin swollen and sad and she's promising to come back and post soon.

Don't cry for her, Art and Tina.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

R is for Romance

So a month ago, or maybe it was for Valentine's Day, Lifetime channel did a day of Nora Robert's movies. I didn't watch but I did DVR 2 of them, intending to watch later.

Yesterday I got a yen to watch and turned on Tribute. So I made dinner as it was on and then called my 10 year old daughter, Mollie, to dinner. She started to watch and then decided to remain and watch till the end.

She got totally into it and started by covering her eyes the first time they kissed but then asking if they'd kiss again and at the end demanding that they were married and in love.

Then she wanted to watch the other one I recorded.

So we started watching that one (it has three sisters on a ranch and John Corbett)(oh my, John Corbett) and finally she said she wanted to get back to her stuff but she asked me not to finish because she wanted to see that one too.

Now granted, both these movies are suspenseful but they are romances. And I loved that a 10 year old girl could get caught in the romance just like her mama.

Tonight, her request, we're watching Breaking Dawn. It hurts me, but romance is romance. And I do appreciate her having some in her heart too.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Lori's Free Book

It's FREE!

Download a copy. It's a dark, m/m erotica with humor, sex, not pretty stuff, more sex and a hell of a disturbing ending.

Serious. It's free.