Tuesday, January 29, 2013

More KA (Kristen Ashley) Ruminations

I'm on a chick-lit, give me fast and furious and lots of laughs, reading glom. Somehow KA got in there too and it's been an interesting couple of reads.

The chick lit is exactly what my mood has been crying out for. Although heavy on romance, there is the personal journey that the heroine goes through.

But the KA books, man oh man, those are crazy different.

I read Sweet Dreams the other day and was astonished how it was almost the exact same book as Motorcycle Man. But in MM I wanted to slap the H/h a million times to Sunday and take a horse whip to them too just for good measure, I didn't want to do it with this couple as much.

The heroine was older, 42, and divorced. She was innocent in some ways but she wasn't stupid. In MM the heroine was a dumbass. And in MM the hero was an asshole who I felt man-handled the heroine. In Dreams he was occasionally an asshole but he didn't man-handle the heroine at all and despite the over macho-ness of him, he seemed a much more decent type.

Then I started reading Rock Chick. Okay... I will never ever ever throw my Kindle across a room but if a book ever made me want to, it was this one. This heroine isn't only TSTL, she's too stupid to be allowed to breathe. And a man who finds her attractive needs a brain MRI, STAT!

I think she was supposed to be fun and reckless but truly, she's the kind of woman who would step in front of a moving train on a dare. Oh hell, if she was real I'd dare her because she'd be dumb enough to do it and deserve her casket.

So I was expressing my views to Carolyn and we were talking about the appeal of the books. Obviously there's enjoyment cause when they work, I can't put them down. When they don't, they're pushing my buttons.

But KA writes men who are rough and tough and scary hard. But when they fall in love with a woman then she becomes everything. That's a great appeal, the idea that somewhere there's a man who would die for a woman. But in a real man these guys would be horrible to live with.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble. I am going to read more KA. I'm just gong to try to be very careful in what books they are.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Bless His Heart and Other Parts

I preordered this book strickly because of the cover. Don't know what the story's about. Don't care what the story's about.

I am in lust.

So, this is my fantasy life. A good looking - great looking - man who's ... gonna do what? Well, I know what I want him to do, but to accomplish that I think I'll have to offer him a better deal than I have in RL. So.....

...this is what I look like. If you're gonna fantasize, fantasize big, is what I always say.

We'll get married:

Hmm ... flash or class??

And go to live on a Greek Island (heh, heh, heh).

And almost live happily ever after (sort of boring in a romance, maybe it should be an erotica?). Ah, but then .... HE appears!!

And he lusts after me mightily and is always getting me into situations that can be grossly misunderstood. After all, I never wanted him to kiss me!

Will my true love keep his trust in me? Or will he leave me forever and allow 'that man' to have his way.  Will I live in lust instead of love for the rest of my life?

Decisions ... decisions ...

Lea's Chick-Lit Life

Being BFF’s with Cami is hard word. Not in a bad way of course and I wouldn’t change her (much) but the seriously, the woman is so damned hard to keep up with!

Oh, I’m sorry. You’re probably wondering who Cami is. It’s my nickname for Lori. She changes more often than a model at a Milan fashion show so I think of her as a chameleon, adapting and trying to blend in with life around her. It’s for this reason I’ve given her the nickname chameleon or Cami for short. Of course she doesn’t like it so I only use it behind her back or whip it out during an argument, of which we have plenty.

Like the barney we had recently over my new haircut. I went from waist length hair to a pixie cut...


(don’t you think I could be a movie star too?)


... on the advice of my other BFF (we’ll get to him). Lori told me flat out she didn’t like it and that it made me look like a 12 year old boy. I snapped back that she was jealous because she couldn’t pull the look off, with her big trouty (yes, I mean trouty and not pouty) lips. Thankfully she saw the funny side and laughed.

It wasn’t until we had dinner a couple of nights later and her ex ordered the salmon and Lori gave me a dirty look that I realized perhaps it wasn’t so funny. Still, what’s a bff for if not to rubbish, ridicule and put down occasionally when the rest of the time it’s nothing but a love fest?

And I do love her, nutty as she is. Having said that though, I still don’t want to live next door so I moved 22 minutes away to good ol’ Berkeley.


Also, the hills in San Fran play havoc with my calves. At least that’s what I told Lori when she asked why I was moving.

My job as an assistant to the assistant of the assistant editor at the local paper is dull and boring and if not for the handsome new reporter...


...I’d probably give it away and go back to being Cami’s assistant icer.

The state of my love life is hazardous at best. My BFF (the other one)...


... and former BF ran off and married some Australian girl with long hair, after having told me he liked girls with short hair. I cut mine for him but I guess he didn’t want to get back together as much as me and I must have misread the signals.

Lori tried to be sympathetic but she’s never liked him. Claims his penchant for all things Pirate and his need to surround himself with short people and always going on adventures made him a bad choice for me. Oh well. It doesn’t matter; I’ve moved my sights to the handsome new reporter.

There is a guy in my apartment building, a lawyer, who seems to have the hots for me but to be honest, he’s a lawyer. I’m not that desperate for a date! Shame though, ‘cause he’s kinda cute.


Next time he pops in with his dazzling smile and pretends he wants to borrow something, I might just let him!

Maybe I should call Cam... Lori. She’s never shy about offering her advice and although I tend to ignore it mostly or tune her out, she does have the odd sparkle of insight that’s just what I need. I just hope I don’t have to go to her house. Those hills really are murder on the calves!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

My All-New, Romance Novel Life

I've become exhausted and dismayed with my life. I want to live a romance novel life. So I've decided that as of now, I shall.

To begin, I want to live in San Francisco because it's my favorite place on earth.

This is my new house. I'll need to work out the parking problem though.

Since I love to be in the kitchen, I'll have a new job

Yes, I now have a cupcake shop.

By the way, I look a little different now.

Man, I should be a movie star.

My ex-husband is a Spaniard. He refuses to let go.

I might change my mind about him but until I do I have a boy toy.

So that's my new life.

Meet you between the pages.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

My Anti-Romance Stance

I couldn't find a way to link to it but on Goodreads I read a review Jane Litte (from Dear Author) did about a book where the hero threw out casual misogynist statements and the heroine would become quiet when he did but still lust after him.

Do normal women lust after men who don't really like women?

It reminded me of my first Harlequin experiences. I had somehow signed up for a monthly Harlequin book club, oh, many years ago. I received (if I remember correctly) three HQ books a month. At the time they were all similar in that the heroines were all British, all young, all working for older somewhat brutish men who treated them badly and then at the end of the book professed their love. The heroines were all spineless and confused and I hated them. The heroes were assholes and I hated them.

I didn't remain in the book club for long because I obviously had a hate-on for most of what I read. But it created a rich and textured fantasy of a book I wanted to read:

The hero is a Harlequin brute. He accuses the heroine of heinous deeds and being too sexually sexual. Yet he punishes her with punishing kisses and odd groping. She really doesn't like it and so she begins to avoid him. She changes her phone number so he can't call. She moves to another state. She becomes successful in her career and has a good life.

Then something happens and the brute finds her and needs her to save the ailing business (something their fathers started together or you know....). His solution is that they'll get married and he'll take over the business and she'll be his wifely doormouse. She tells him to go to hell. He acts like a Harlequin brute.

She ends up stealing the business away from him by being a better businesswoman and doing things right. Then she marries his kind younger brother. And the next time he tries to punish her with a kiss she knees him in the groin.

God, I feel better having written that.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Destroying Beauty

I was in the grocery store today buying chicken, cheese and chips (my daughter's three main food groups) and I was waiting to check out and glanced at the magazines:

On the cover of In Style is Amanda Seyfried and Glamour is Zooey Deschanel.

I wish the picture was better because I swear, I know both these actresses and like them both yet didn't recognize either of them from the covers. They were air-brushed so completely that those things that make them both interesting were gone completely.

I felt disheartened. I especially like Zooey Deschanel because she's quirky and cute but on the cover of Glamour, she's a fucking Barbie. And Seyfried? Any other Hollywood starlet. All the life brushed right off of her and she looks boring.

Is this what someone thinks sells? If they'd put Z.D. on the cover in bunny pajamas, I'd be more inclined to pick it up. And Seyfried as pretty as she is, belongs natural.

But it got me thinking about what women (you know, the ones who buy these magazines) really think of beauty. I know my own ideas are not so out of the ordinary. I admire a truly gorgeous woman (Elizabeth Taylor, Angelina Jolie, Catherine Zeta Jones) but I wouldn't go out of my way to pick up a magazine or read an article about them. Whereas Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, Zooey are women I think are pretty but not gorgeous and interesting and would read more about them.

I know Madison Avenue has been trying to sell a certain type of beauty forever. I just wish we'd stop buying it and demand that they recognize beauty comes before airbrushing.

Let women look like women. Let stars be natural. Don't tell me that Barbie is the pinnacle of pretty. You might get some of my money. Then again, probably not. I'd rather read Better Homes and Gardens and look at pictures of kitchens.

Oh well.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Ideas for Jill Mansell: Because I Love Me a Challenge

So yesterday I saw that the rather kind and lovely Jill Mansell responded to my post about her book, Rumor Has It and she mentioned that she's written/published thirty books and is running out of ideas.

Oh dear. Now anyone who has spent any time knowing us old farts knows that I'm considered the idea lady around here. After all, I was the one who came up with the infamous idea of the cojoined circus twins who find their HEA in the apt named High Wire Honeymoon.

And don't forget the brilliant collaboration that Carolyn and I did called Wrapped Up Romance that took place in the sexual disease clinic (Carolyn wrote that brilliant line: "But doctor, I thought a hymen only belonged to Jewish people and I'm Catholic!")

So as a courtesy to Jill Mansell, we offer ideas for Chick Lit novels that she may use or discard at her own discretion.

Bedtime for Bozo: in which Ronald Reagan historian Jane Whymen falls in love with a clown. Her parents don't understand but her best friend envies her new make-up color palette.

Breakfast at Tiffni's: Tiffni opens a bed and breakfast but discovers that she's infested with bedbugs. Everyone tells her to call an exterminator but the sight of Buzzy Pupils with his spray gun turns her insides to jelly. So instead she turns her B&B into a bug and breakfast and ends up engaged to Tom Thumb, an arachnaphobe.

Everyone Says I Love You but Only the Mailman Means It When He Wants You To Sign For a Parcel: Hell, I just like the title.

Sally's Secret: Hint, her name isn't Sally.

The Amazing Adventures of Two Old Farts in Romancelandia: Okay, limited readership for this one but imagine the fun. Missing dentures, chasing after cute doctors but having to stop to pee. There can be the fun of broken hips, loss of memory and the ever enjoyable viagra mishaps. Then again, since this is my current life....

So despite my willingness to be a total ridiculous mess, I do love the chick lit genre and especially that it's a lot more humorous and female positive than straight romance. I love authors who are willing to accept that their books are not their babies and accept a little needling. I love that my embarrassment of being caught with my pants at half mast doesn't stop me from pulling them all the way down (I do it to make Carolyn laugh).

And if anyone wants to use any of the above ideas, you may. But Clean Sweep, where Sassy Struthers falls in love with her garbageman Eddie Passmethebreadma, despite her parent's habit of hoarding old shoelaces and filling their truck with kleenex boxes, discovers that true love means never having to apologize for having roaches under the sink.... well, that one's mine. Nobody understands sanitation as well as I do.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Jill Mansell: Chick Lit Done Right and Done Wrong

There was a recent sale on Jill Mansell titles and between Carolyn and I, we got a few. I'd read some previously and was lukewarm on what I'd read before. But a good sale and chick lit are a siren's call to me so what the hell.

I just finished Rumor Has It and thought it has the best and worst of what chick lit is.

Pro: it's a romance.

Pro: The women have careers.

Con: Men are more important than careers.

Pro: Gay ex.

Con: Gay ex.

Con: The hero was engaged previously and she died in a drowning accident. The reason it's a con is because his name is Jack and the dead fiance was Rose (you know, Jack and Rose from Titanic and Jack drowned). (Made me slightly nauseous.)

Pro: More than one couple and they all had an HEA (except the one gay guy. And the bad girl who died from cancer.)

Con: No HEA for the gay guy and the bad girl was funny but got killed off.

Pro: I really liked the best friend and her romance.

Con: I liked the best friend and her story more than the heroine and her story.

Still, I enjoyed it. It was a quick and fun read and the emotion wasn't deep. The humor was good. I'll be reading more Mansell books but not expecting too much from them.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Kiss of Steel by Bec McMaster

When Nowhere is Safe

Most people avoid the dreaded Whitechapel district. For Honoria Todd, it's the last safe haven. But at what price?

Blade is known as the master of the rookeries—no one dares cross him. It's been said he faced down the Echelon's army single–handedly, that ever since being infected by the blood–craving he's been quicker, stronger, and almost immortal.

When Honoria shows up at his door, his tenuous control comes close to snapping. She's so...innocent. He doesn't see her backbone of steel—or that she could be the very salvation he's been seeking.

The book is well worth the shower of stars it has received. I enjoyed it immensely and have great hopes for the next book in the series, Heart of Iron, due out in .. well, I don't know when it's due out actually, but I hope it's soon.

There were a couple of things that seemed familiar about this book. When the blue bloods were explained, the explanation involved a virus (not nanos) from the far East (the ruling family in China). This made me think of Meljean Brook and her Iron Duke.

Blue bloods are not quite vampires. They have incredible speed and strength, hearing, eyesight, and etc., etc. These attributes increase in strength as the virus builds in their blood until they begin to go into the Fade. Hair and skin bleach, they become dessicated and acquire a rotten smell and while they may have some sort of brain, there's not much of it left. They Turn and are fully vampire, wanting nothing but blood and destruction. This reminded me of Ilona Andrew's vampires, who themselves were such a change from the sexy, almost human kind so many authors write of these days.

There are twists and turns in this story that separate Ms McMaster's world from any other. The struggle between Blade and Honoria, for one. Stubborn, stubborn people who, thank God, can admit they're wrong. The subtlety of Blade's relationship with his men. The Darkness he fights daily, especially after he meets Honoria. His fear that he's near the Fade.

Honoria is a strong heroine. Intelligent, educated. Stubborn and determined. She stands up to Blade in her ladylike way and earns his respect as well as his lust. Watching these two turn lust into love while learning to trust each other, is a privilege.

It's a little confusing at the beginning of the book. The author doesn't infodump but instead incorporates the world building into the ongoing story, so it can be confusing. But I soon found my feet and sorted everthing out and off I went on a really grand ride.

I don't do good synopses, not even for my own books, so this is what you get, y'all.  It's worth the $1.99 at Amazon (I forgot to look at the other places) and for those who like steampunk, I highly recommend this book.




Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Wild Man by Kristen Ashley

This is my version of a book review which means it sucks balls as a book review...

I'm not a Kristen Ashley fan girl, at least not yet. The possibilities exist but I have a feeling she's going to be a hit or miss author for me. I say that because I've only read 2 of her books and one worked, one didn't and it was kind of the same.

Wild Man is the story of Brock and Tess. We meet them after they've been dating for 4 months and had sex for the first time. It turns out that Brock met Tess under false pretenses, he's a police detective and working to put away her ex-husband, a major drug lord.

Anyway.... it's another 1st person POV which I don't mind. And Tess and Brock were a lot more enjoyable to me than Motorcycle Man's Tack and Tyra (the only other Ashley book I've read).

Tack always skirted the edge of being abusive and I didn't like it. Brock doesn't. Score one for Brock!

The sex is dirty in both books (which I loved. I can't write dirty sex and I apreciate that Ms. Ashley writes really appealing dirty sex.) Howevs, Tack is awesome nasty and Brock was great sex but not as nasty. Score one for Tack!

Both men have terrible ex-wives. Both have kids. Brock has family issues which didn't ring true (sorry, but they were unnecessary to the plot).

In both books the heroine is kidnapped and there is where the biggest and baddest differences popped up. To wit: in Motorcycle Man, the book is 1st person POV until the moment that matters when Tyra is kidnapped by the Russian Mafia and ::super spoiler:: gets stabbed. That isn't described at all.

In fact, during this super important scene, she switched POV and suddenly is talking about other couples that the reader (at least this reader) didn't even know. And Tyra got freaking stabbed (!!!!) and it wasn't described (!!!????!!!!) I mean, Tyra could go on for pages about how Tack picked his nose but her own almost death didn't get any kind of play. Say what?

In Wild Man, Tess gets kidnapped by a rapist and not only does the story stay there but unlike the Mary-Sue-ization of Tyra, Tess fights back. It was one of the best things I've read in that when the rapist tells her to take off her clothes, she says no. No. Her attitude is that she might become a victim but she won't assist him in making her one. And she fought. Bless her heart, she fought and it rocked.

Score 100,000,000 for Tess!!

The thing is that the stories are so freaking similar. I think there are 4 or 5 books in the series and no doubt they're all the same. I wouldn't bother to read more in the series because I don't think I'd like them much. But... I enjoyed Wild Man. I liked hero and heroine. Unlike Motorcycle Man, I didn't keep feeling like the story should have ended long before it did.

And the heroine was just a million times more kick ass.

We have another book or two by Ashley in our Kindles that I'm going to try. But I don't expect to go on Goodreads and 5 star them all. I think I'll be missing that Ashley fangirl gene.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

A Meat Suit in Shark Infested Waters

I follow a number of authors on Facebook and Julie Leto is one I really appreciate. She posts often about feminism and fairness and well, just things that matter a lot to her and really matter a lot to me. So, one day she posted a picture of a young woman at a rally who was shirtless and wrote on her body: still not asking for it.

Message was pretty clear, I thought. Even if a woman is walking naked down the street, it's not an invitation for sex.

So what happened? Men commented. And someone suggested that a woman dressing or looking provacative was akin to wearing a meat suit in shark infested waters. And also, if you smell steak and want it, you're going to eat it.


Is this really a normal male viewpoint? Are women nothing but a steak sandwich?

So then there was another link (was it Julie Leto or someone else?) And in it a woman was providing commentary about women in the armed forces and said some women complain about being raped too much.

Yeah, couldn't make that up.

You know, a woman with an IQ over oh, let's say brain dead, would know that any rape is too much. But multiple rapes might just be a little too much.

Oh and shall we talk about the girl who was raped in Ohio by members of a football team who thought it was funny enough to post on Facebook? Yeah, fucking hysterical. Let me give a big thumbs up to that. And to the kid who commented online that some people deserve to be peed on. Yeah kid, that person is you.

So here's how I'm feeling right now. You all want to declare open season on women? You want to fight for your rights to have automatic weapons after school massacres? Awesome. Lori has a solution:

Let's arm women with automatic weapons!

Now, I've just solved a big problem. Arm women, not men and now compare us to meat suits in the shark pond. Go on.

Please, go. On.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

The Fan Fiction Fallacy

I've been sitting on this a while now and it's been really pissing me off so no more. Here I go...

Since I discovered the romance community through DA and Smart Bitches and Karen, there have been interesting discussions about fan fiction and the okays and not okays with it. Now with 50 Shades becoming an international best seller and other fanfics hitting the market, there's been more discussions and comments. And I want to add my 2 cents.

Beginning with the one comment someone will always make in any discussion of fanfic is that it's an unwritten rule that no one should ever ever, upon the threat of death or dismemberment, publish their fanfic.

Oh yawn. Oh bullshit. Oh stick it in your trumpet and blow it out your ass.

Where is this rule written and who said we've all agreed to it? And beyond that: who is deciding exactly what is following the canon of fanfic? And while we're at it, is this in the same rule book that says you need an agent to get published and there's no such thing as a well published indie title?

Fuck your rules.

The rule, as far as I can understand, is that if you decided to write Buffy fanfic and you put Buffy in a threesome with Angel and Spike, that's not something you can publish because there's nothing there that's really yours. It's a total fanfic moment. The characters, world and everything are living in the Joss Whedon verse.

But if you think Willow is the coolest character that ever lived (like I think she is) and you write a story about a red head, lesbian witch with awesome power who is just so adorable as to be painful.... and you name her Carolyn and throw her into an adventure.... is that publishable?

The thing is that I say it is. Just as I say that being inspired by the characters in Twilight and writing a story where you have an innocent girl and a much more experienced, troubled guy isn't stealing canon. For Christ's sake, inspiration is. It can happen on a fan fic board.

It also annoys me that in many cases, people have no freaking idea that something is fanfic unless they're told. Because a story about a woman who was kidnapped and becomes a sex slave is truly a retelling of the Edward/Bella story. Not.

The many retellings of Beauty and the Beast are fanfic.

The space operas that were inspired by Firefly are fanfic.

All vampire stories are fanfic (ask Bram Stoker).

Okay, what's pissed me off so much? Over on DA there was a review of a book and it was entioned that it was a rewritten fanfic and people suggested that DA readership were too good for such stories. Uh, excuse me? Eloisa James wrote her Beauty and the Beast story as House fanfic. It was brilliant. And original.

It's called inspiration.

And over on Goodreads I follow Katiebabs because her book recommendations are often golden to e. We seem to have very similar reading tastes. But she's giving one star to any story that might have begun as Twilight fanfic without reading it while she wrote and published a book called Sleeping with the Frenemy that was clearly using the plot of Sleeping with the Enemy as the plot of her story.

Where's the fucking difference? Oh yeah, the Twilight fanfic had an original plot and borrowed the canon of innocent girl and more experienced guy. Yup. One star.

Here's what I say: bullshit. Judge the fucking books by themselves. Stop looking for the origins of the story because inspiration comes from anywhere. Don't throw stones when your house is made of glass.

And those fucking rules that eveybody is so determined to shove down our throats? Yeah Those are the same people that said ereaders will never catch on the Big 6 of publishing are right to try and take down big, bad Amazon.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Reading and Writing in the New Year

This is just an exciting way to start the new year. My Kindle is all fired up and charged as well as the Fire... yes, I have two. The Kindle (Carlos) is on a shared account with Carolyn. There we have an amazing array of books since Carolyn, bless her heart, has never met a book sale she can't spend her money at.

The Fire (Lucifer) is on my Amazon account and therefore has books that would never interest Carolyn.

So Carlos is toward the end of a Wally Lamb book, Wishin' and Hopin'. Its a fun story, very much reminiscent of my childhood so I'm enjoying it. After there's just a shitload of choices but I'm looking toward Eloisa James and Tessa Dare. And there's Kristen Ashley and 11/22/63 by Stephen King.

On Lucifer I have a bunch of chick-lit titles and erotica. So Jill Mansell books (all caught at 99 cents) and lots of stuff with naked bodies in various stages of nakedness.

In term of writing, Marinated is planning a series based on DIY and then there's my Hollywood Heroes series that was supposed to get written a hell of a lot faster than this but whatevs.

I'm very happy to report also that Carolyn is writing (yay!!) and Lea is working on covers (yay!!) and things are looking good in the Fart-verse.

And because I wanna:

a hot man and a feline.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Meet Sami Summers: and a Free Read

                                                        FREE AT AMAZON

So Marinated Publishing has a new author and her name is Sami Summers. She writes bad porn which is quite funny.

Prince Heinrich was bored. He’d started his day with a royal blow job, then fencing lessons. There was a blow job before lunch and then after eating he had history lessons. After his tutor blew him, there was swimming, riding, dinner and his evening suck-off.
He felt like he’d anointed every mouth in the castle as well as most of the kingdom. There had to be something more and he needed to find it.
“Heinrich. Sir.” Sebastien, the royal page and every Thursday after French lessons fellator, bowed and scraped. “Sir, I have news.”
“Is it good news?” Heinrich asked. “I really don’t care for bad news unless disaster has fallen on an enemy. That would make me happy. Are any of our enemies suffering mightily?”
“It’s about Snow White. She’s disappeared.”
“She's the virgin with the pretty breasts, right?” Heinrich yawned. “Unless you tell me she was captured by pirates or has been taken by an ogre to be his bride, who cares? It’ll just be another dragon abducting a maiden and fire breathing her clothes off.”
“She ran away,” Sebastien said breathlessly.
“Now that’s interesting.” The prince sat forward. “Tell me what you know. This could be just what I needed.”
“What could be more perfect for a prince then to rescue a princess? That would be fun. And save me from trying to figure out how to conjugate Latin verbs. Plus my Latin teacher always uses his teeth when he blows me. It’s quite tedious.”
“Indeed,” Sebastien said with a slight eye roll.
That gem was from 50 Shades of Snow White
So we invited Sami here to tell us a little about her writing and publishing with Marinated.

Farts:  We're delighted to have you here. How has 2013 started for you?

Sami: Well, it started with that damned blackmail email you sent that's now shackled me to you until I can figure out a way to kill you and make it look like you freaking old farts killed each other. Other than that, it's been good.

Farts: So about your writing, you like the hot smexing and big funnies.

Sami: And you call yourself a publisher? No wonder my sales suck.

Farts: Not just your sales which is why it's easy to blackmail you. Shall we talk about your newest release?

Sami: You have spinach in your teeth.

When Bunny reads a popular novel, it makes her feel that her marriage needs some zing to keep it from going stale. Unfortunately, her husband Buck is clueless as to what Bunny needs and he's reluctant to try.

Can two loving but clueless marrieds manage to spice up their love life without losing their sanity, reputations or health in the process?
Farts: I loved how Bunny and Buck worked so hard to make each other happy but kept doing it all wrong. Was that written from personal experience?
Sami: Yeah, when I was shagging your boyfriend. I'm out of here. And just so you know, I'll find a way to get out of this Satanic contract. And when I do, you better watch your backs.
Farts: Aw, we love you too, Sami.
So there you have it. A happy to be Marinated author with three whole books to sell and excited to be working with us.
50 Shades Over the Rainbow will be free at Amazon this week. Hurry up and get it while e-supplies last.