Wednesday, June 29, 2011

My First M/M Book

I just finished reading Fair Game by Josh Lanyon and I'm glad I did. He's a very good writer who can tell a very good story. I did think the mystery reveal happened sort of suddenly, but that might be because I'm used to longer mystery books that have more room to work with.

I liked both the protagonists. They were distinctly different men. The story is told from Elliot's POV, so the reader gets to know him well, but Tucker is also well fleshed out. I enjoyed their tentative steps to reconciliation, and about the time I was thinking 'well, get ON with it - talk!', they did.

The sex. Well. It wasn't too over the top and there wasn't too much of it, but ... I'd just as soon there was none, or that it was behind closed doors. Sort of like your parents. You know they had sex - you're the proof - and you know they probably still are, at least every now and then, but it's just something you don't want to picture or even think about. You can love them without knowing all the intimate details of their lives.

That's how I felt about this book. I reveled in the emotions, loved the storyline, but for me it wasn't necessary to go into these men's bedroom. The nurse in me immediately went into overdrive. It was enough, for me, to know they loved each other and found their HEA.

I expect I'm in the minority, because these m/m books are very popular. I don't know that I'll try another. I suspect my first m/m book will also be my last.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Killing the Baby

Dear Carolyn,

Last night I realized the reason I was so stuck witht he story I was writing and it was because it was terrible. The plot was all over the place, the romance came from nowhere and it was major fail in all ways.

So last night mt 10 year old and I talked and we came up with a more streamlined plot so... I deleted the old file.

I can imagine your wince of pain. You and I are so different this way. To me, if a story isn't working and you aren't that close to the end: scrap the damned thing. I'm not sentimental. You are I know, and can't stand to leave something undone.

But I realized that without a plot written out (a nice little outline) I was going to fail. And as I worked on it, the story was different but tighter. The climax of the story originally was happening too soon, now it'll be a proper climax. The love can evolve at a proper pace and it makes more sense.

I hated killing the baby but it was necessary. And I know you probably saved a copy so I have no issues.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Oh My Goodness!

Dear Lori,

We now own our very first m/m book, and I want you to promise to read it, because it takes place in Seattle and evidently cooking is involved to a small degree.

Yes, I finally caved. I couldn't help myself. Everyone has nothing but good to say about Josh Lanyon's writing and the book in question, Fair Game, has 4 and 5 star ratings on Amazon. It's a mystery and I do love my mysteries.

I hope the sex isn't too overt; I don't think it is, from the reviews I've read. But then I hope that for most every book I get. It's a real crap shoot out there now. I want to read a good, strong plot, with good, strong characters, with the sex coming in a distant third. Their sexual orientation doesn't matter, as long as the Romance is there.

So, I'm excited and a little nervous about reading my first m/m. Please read it too, so we can discuss.

We may be two old farts, but even such as we can change and change can be good. :-)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

More Pimping

Lyrical Press ( is giving away a free ebook to celebrate summer. I believe it's a weekly giveaway. The first book is out.

And my/Lori's book, 666 Angel Lane will be among them. So go get your free book. I am.

***edit: It's available through their Facebook page. My bad. Go to Facebook and Lyrical Press' business page has the download link. I downloaded mine.***

Shameless Promo

Over on Smart Bitches, Sarah has a post about trends. One poster wanted more multi-racial romances. Another wanted screwball romances, funny and light.

We Two Old Farts are here to cater to your reading pleasure. *grin* I wouldn't post this on Sarah's thread, because I really dislike authors doing that, but I have no hesitation whatsoever to pimping here on home ground. Heh.

Multi-racial: Sugar B's Back in Town by Lori Green

Screwball: The Trials and Tribulations of a West Coast Southern Belle by CL McCullough (releasing August 15).

Sorry there's no links but it's too damn early in the morning and the stupid things never work for me anyway. Try the sidebar if you're really curious. :-)

We aim to please - Two Old Farts conquering the reading world. LOL

Monday, June 20, 2011

Who's the Loser?

Dear Lori,

I happened across an article yesterday:

There's a wrassling match going on between States and internet retailers regarding taxes. I realize they were referring to physical items, but I got to thinking about the ebook dilemma. And it seemed to me that, no matter how things shake out, the loser is going to be the ebook reader.

We already pay Agency pricing for many favorite authors; some of those prices are outrageous. Now there will be some sort of tax added, going as high as 9%. In fact, some publishers are already adding tax to their books. I'm not sure if this is true for paper books, I don't buy paper anymore, but it sure is for ebooks.

What I want to know is, how come I would owe a state taxes on a bunch of electons originating from God knows where? And why would I owe it to my state instead of the state of origin? (which might be difficult to address with a bunch of electrons!)

As ususal, the e-reader is the one getting screwed. They'll probably figure out how to add delivery fees soon, the bassards. I'd like to slap them all into tomorrow!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Permanently Pimpy

Seriously - I think that title exactly describes me these days, in a back handed kind of way. It's a horrible situation for a semi-reclusive, introverted, depressingly Romantic, writer to be in.

I love to write, I love to have people read what I write (just like all writers, we're terrible that way) and just between you and me and the gate post, I don't have to rely on my writing to put food on my plate.

So what's a hermit to do?

I have no viable ideas and what few I do get make me feel like a pimp. I'm pimping myself, lol. When I think of it. I'm much more successful at pimping Lori but she can out-pimp me any old day.

So here's my tired pimp for the day. I've had another book accepted, it's called Mariposa. Did I already say that here? Well, I'm saying it again.

And to pimp it, or maybe just me in general, I hereby give you a smidgin - smidgette? - not of Mariposa, I'll save that to closer to time, but of my next great release after Bea: TL Everly, the Belle of the West Coast, lol.

Any pimping ideas? Please don't make me Twitter!


It’s my own damn fault I’m in this mess. I freely admit to it. There must be a nesting cycle women go through when they reach a certain age and I was pushing thirty with no prospects in sight. I’d bought the house against Mira’s advice and for sure I regretted it now.

Mirabelle Edith is Aunt Lil’s daughter and my best friend. We grew up together, did everything together. We even lost our virginity together. Not with each other--is that even possible?--We were on a double date. but I don’t even want to think about that. Suffice it to say, it would beat any Stephen King horror story. Hormones sure have a lot to answer for. It sort of put me off any further experimenting, especially when the guy never called again.

Mira was sure we were both pregnant. I wasn’t sure there’d even been penetration, but she seemed to think sperm were some sort of super beings that could finish the job without getting close to the jackpot.

We weren’t pregnant, thank the Lord. It did make us more cautious though. Mama would have had a conniption. I’d have found myself married to some second cousin twice removed I’d never met before, while Mama crocheted baby booties and tried names on for size.

Friday, June 17, 2011

The View From Publishing

It's a fascinating world out there in Publishing Land. If you're not a writer or even interested in the industry then all that matters is the stories keep coming but the question of where those stories are coming from is on everybody's minds.

Traditional publishing (writer gets agent, agent shops book, publishing house buys book, gives advance, publishes book, author is traditionally published) versus epub (author writes book, sends book to epub who accepts publishes book, author gets 30 - 40% of cover price on books sold) to self pub (author writes book, formats book, puts book on amazon, b&n and others, gets 75% of cover price for each book sold)...

Okay, starting again. So with ebooks taking a large share of the market thanks to the Kindle and the Nook and all the other ereaders out there traditional publishing houses lost their way. Ebooks are a huge seller and money isn't being made by traditionally publishing. But prestige and names are still made by trad. publishing not to mention it's every writer's dream to have that paper copy in their hands and to know they made it.

The epubs offer little chance of print books but they give you the editing process (Carolyn and I both have gone through editing with Lyrical and if they aren't as good or better than anyone out there I'll eat Carolyn's shorts). Epubs are great except that erotic sells best and if you don't have lots of tab a in slot b then you might not see great sales.

Self publishing is the exciting new landscape. The only problem is that a lot of people seem to be looking at it like a get rich quick scheme. Write a book, slap a cover on and price it to sell. The only problem is that the writing sucks the editing is non-existant and the covers are sub-par. How do I know this? I did it too.

I put 2 short stories out on amazon that were badly formatted and had lousy covers. And then I thought that wasn't how I wanted to represent myself. So the stories were taken down and are being offered for free on smashwords. (If you want just go to and search Lori Green. There are 3 free shorts. Feliz Navidad is the best of them.)

The fun thing is that with each arm of publishing there's cheerleaders and scoffers. JA Konrath, who has been the loudest cheerleader for self-pub just signed a contract with the new Amazon publishing arm. Courtney Milan self-pubbed a short and she's delighted with it but she had a readership in place and it looks and reads professional.

So what to do? That's like asking if you want a cone with chocolate or vanilla ice cream and do you want sprinkles? I say get a cup not a cone try all the flavors and sprinkles say it's a party.

In other words they're all good. Why does one have to be better than another? They all have benefits and drawbacks. For me, I want the elusive New York publication. I want to see my book on a bookstore shelf. I also want to have many ebooks with many epubs because I love my publishers and what they teach me about writing and promo. And I plan to self-pub but I'm doing that with an editor already signed up and a cover artists raring to go.

It's a world with no boundaries. Can you imagine what a great ride that's going to be for anyone willing to drive with the top down?

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Poll on Sidebar

Dear Readers of this blog,

over on the sidebar, <---- thataways, is a poll of names for a vampire book I'm writing. I usually have a title within the first page of writing and that helps me focus. But I haven't been able to commit to a title for this and I'm ready to commission a cover and I have to make my mind up.

Important facts about the story: She's a vampire. Her name is Eleanor, therefore shortened to Ella. She's fat. Teeth, Incorporated is actually the name of the Vampire's business she works at.

Please help me decide. I really need help.

Love, Lori

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Readers and Reading

Dear Carolyn,

thank you for pointing out that post on Dear Author about certain authors guilt tripping their readers into how to buy and where to buy to drive their rankings up. Very sad.

Writers should thank the heavens for any and every body who chooses to read them. There's so many choices out there and so many low cost ones, choosing to spend money in any format is a great big deal.

Hell, I'm grateful for every single person who purchases or downloads something I write.

I got my new Oprah magazine today (don't judge) and Daniel Radcliffe, who plays Harry Potter gave a list of his favorite books. His comments are so amazing and insightful that I think I now have more books to try.

It also was obvious that one day Daniel Radcliffe will be a writer. That young man loves the written word.

Just to let you know I'm still working on our story-in-progress-for-over-2-years. But I'm going to take a nap.

Loves ya,


Sunday, June 12, 2011

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Dear Carolyn,

I have a confession to make and it's a doozy. It's bigger than a doozy. It's a dilly and a doozy all wrapped up in one dizzying dollop.

I got nothing to say.

This blogging shit is hard.

I could blog about books I've read but I've started about three books and couldn't finish. Nobody is connecting for me right now.

All my book releases are released so I can't say anything about that. I coulod start shilling your book release but I'll give that a little time.

So what should I write about? You and I talk on the phone about a hundred times a day but we mostly whine about arthritic knees and racing hearts. I did have a romantic dream about Carlos Marin (of Il Divo) but in the morning it wasn't that romantic after all.

I could say some crude words to see if it drives up traffic. Shit. Penis. Sopping.

That's not terribly interesting either.

I think I'll take a nap and think about this some. Blogging is exhausting.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Hey Y'all ...

Check out Lori's guest blog on Amber Skyze's blog. There's a contest!

Shit, still can't make the links work! :-(

Edit: Damn thing thinks I want to link to a page in this blog. I told it Amber. Amber!!


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Author Interview Old Fart Style

An interview with author of Sugar B is Back in Town, Lori Green better known as the Short Fart. (Carolyn is the OF: Older Fart.)

For purposes of brevity, we shall abbreviate names.

OF: So - another book! How many is this now?

SF: Oh wow... um, a couple. And a few that are waiting to get finished. That's numbering at about 2,397.

OF: Why a porn star?

SF: Are you talking about me? Because that movie was supposed to be private. Oh, you mean Sugar. Well, the original idea was something you and I discussed a long time ago, Carolyn. Do you remember?

OF: I don't remember my own name, much less conversations older than a week.

SF: Well, we had talked about doing something with sisters, Sugar B and Honey B. Then we came up with Sugar B and Holly Champagne. The story idea fizzled but the names stuck with me.

And those are obvious names for the porn industry. And the story grew from there.

OF: I've heard rumors of a menage. Care to comment?

SF: George Clooney and Keanu Reeves have made me promise not to tell. (It's a little something I've been working on writing for a paranormal novella. So far everyone is nekkid and wondering what to do. I know nothing about threesomes.)

OF: You were published before you fell in love with Romance. Tell us about it.

SF: Way back in my younger years, before my general fartiness, I was on the fast track to a slow poetry career.

I have a whole bunch of little periodicals scattered around my house with poetry I wrote. I do so love the poetry.

OF: Some of your writing reads almost like poetry. So, is it safe to say your past influences your present?

SF: Always. Although my dirty mind influences my writing more than anything.

OF: You create very likable characters as well as make the impossible perfectly logical. What's your secret?

SF: All my characters are based on us. And who doesn't love us?

OF: Sugar is a complicated woman carrying a lot of baggage. Yet you don't rub the reader's nose in it. You might say the book is almost light hearted but with an underlying seriousness that doesn't overwhelm. Was this conscious on your part?

SF: Honey, nothing is conscious on my part. I feel lucky that I ever remember the alphabet.

OF: Where do you get your ideas?

SF: Local grocery store. They have them in the paper goods aisle.

OF: An answer full of your usual humor. Now - answer the question!

SF: The answer is that ideas come from everywhere. That's one of my favorite things about writing.

One of the things that fascinates me is the things you see on the road or side of the road all the time. A shoe, a glove, a doll, a blanket. Why are those there? There's stories in all those things.

Sugar was inspired by a porn star name. The story I'm writing right now came from my wondering what would happen if I became a vampire.

A wonder of the world does a million wonderous things. And creates amazing stories.

OF: What's next for you? Anything in the cooker (better known as your brain)?

SF: Well the cooker is simmering more than heating anything up. So watch this space. Although there's a little something written by Two Old Farts that looks like it might finally get finished and see the light of day. That has me more excited than anything.

I do thank you for giving of your time. Sugar B sounds like a great book. It can be found at these fine outlets (darlin', if you'd make the links live, I'd appreciate it):

(Note from Lori: live links aren't working on Blogger right now. Sorry.)

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sugar B's Back in Town

Available from Amazon, Lyrical Press and anywhere you like to buy ebooks. (My links aren't working or I'd have them up.)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Dear Lori

I was going to make this very detailed post, supported by actual opinions from actual people. But I lost the link, so I'm going to have to wing it.

Writing a sex scene is hard. Very few people can do it well. Very few.

I like me a good sex scene. But you know what will pull me out of one quickly?

The language used and the tone that's set. I don't need to be inside someone's head, but I do need a decent vocabulary. I hate when I'm reading along, and suddenly come up against a word that makes me go 'huh'? Or more likely - WTF??

What, you may ask, are some of these words? Well, pull up a chair darlin' and I'll see what I can remember. I know I've forgotten a bunch, some of which I won't remember until I come across them again. Maybe it will help if I list the body parts and any euphanisms for them I can remember.

Clitoris: Nub or nubbin. I hate this. Hate it! Don't care for clit too much either. It sounds too harsh for a très romantic love scene and anachronistic for an historical. Pearl of anything is a no-no. I'm sure there's more but damned if I can remember them. Feel free to remind me. Or not, lol.

Labia: I'm not suggesting the word labia should be used, no I'm not. However, I think petals of anything, or dewy petals, or swollen folds, or wet or dripping anything, should be avoided. So should the porn words, like c*** or pussy. Well, maybe pussy if they're talking dirty to each other in a contemporary, but not as a narrative or descriptive device. "Her pussy was wet with (word of choice).

As an aside, a woman's lubricant should not be described as creamy. It sets me to wondering if she needs a GYN.

Breasts: don't like boobs, not in a love scene - so unromantic. Ditto ta-ta's. Breast is a perfectly good word.

Penis: I don't know why, but prick sounds more porny to me than cock. I don't mind me some cock. Dick makes me think of our local bank manager, not a very romantic moment, believe me!

There's lots more. I hate I lost that link; it was to an Amazon romance forum thread and half the time I can't even find the damn forum. Okay, I can never find the damn forum unless it's featured under a book I'm looking at. Why do they hide the damn forums? How the hell do you get to them?

You may be wondering how I write sex scenes. Well, mostly I don't, and when I do, I concentrate on the emotions. The lurv finally expressed physically. Oh, there has to be a bit of thrusting or entering, but it's all very spiritual, lol.

What's your favorite orgasm phrase?

Carolyn dear,

I don't mind a nub so much but I do mind the sex-addled brains where all the H/h can think about is the need to do the dirty. No matter what they're doing they suddenly are in a lust so strong that it's like they've been possessed by nubs and creamy goodness (a good cole slaw is creamy goodness, sex isn't cole slaw.)

But seriously, the heroine is sitting in Granny living room during a quilting bee and she's thinking about being rammed with the hero's baseball bat of lurve while Granny is passing out pound cake and ginger ale... my mind boggles.

And orgasms! Oh my goodness, the orgasms!

Do not get me wrong, I'm all for a good orgasm. Hell, I'm all for many good orgasms. Screw an apple a day, I'll take an orgasm a day. Or even better, multiple orgasms a day. But I have to admit that I have yet to climax and pass out.

There's something so funny in how the heroine might have had orgasms before but never like it is with the hero. With the hero it's more intense, more colorful, she creams like a pie. Get the monistat folks, the heroine is coming!!

Sorry about my little added on rant. I need coffee and romance. Hopefully the only cream I see today will be in my coffee mug.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Dear Carolyn,

I'm going to state for the record, because the internet is forever so this statement will be too, that I can take criticism. If I write something and you don't like it: I'm okay with that. If you think my personal hygiene is questionable, my child is a mess and my house looks like gypsies threw up: well fine and dandy.

My point? I'm on a few author loops from different publishers and for the most part its all about promo and asking for blog tours and really boring shit. But last night got interesting.

On one of my loops an author posted a link to one of those high falutin' dudes who suggested that romance novels are cheap porn for the ladies. (So easy for them to say but so hard for us to write.) Big effing deal. Bashing romance is nothing new and seriously quite boring. You read your porn and I'll read mine, Mr. McHeadUpYourAss. But one of the authors on the loop had something to say.

Oh my, she was vitriolic because you see, someone posted a comment on a novel she'd written calling it bad porn. And from that the author went on to say that any reader who didn't like her books was

1. Incapable of writing books.
2. Ashamed that she was so turned on by reading it that she blasted it.
3. Had a bunch of romance/porn in a box under her bed.
4. Was against breast feeding in public.
5. Needed a life.

I stared at that for quite awhile and wanted to reply. I wanted to say

1. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
2. Remember not everyone loves everything.
3. Might have better taste than you can write for.
4. Might have a point.

So again I state, if someone doesn't like my writing or gives a bad review, I can take it. A constructive bad review is something you can learn from. I know from years of working with poetry editors and magazines that a bad review/critique is an opportunity for a better writer to emerge.

If it's mean spirited then so the fuck what? I won't lose sleep over a stranger.

And I'll not stop writing.