Friday, February 24, 2017

Vaginal Atrophy

After menopause, women's bodies stop producing certain hormones, like estrogen. The lack of estrogen affects us differently; some women might suddenly grow whiskers, some lose their sex drive and some get vaginal atrophy.

When I first heard about vaginal atrophy I thought it was just disuse and could be reversed by more use. But that's not it at all. Atrophy thins out the skin and tissues, causing the skin to smooth out and become painful. The outside skin, becoming so thin, begins to itch painfully. The inside skin shrinking can also cause urinary issues.

Why am I writing about this? Because I had a pap today and I almost cried because it was so painful. It's never been painful before. And my practitioner told me that I have severe atrophy and will probably never have intimate relations with a man again.

She said she could put me on estrogen replacement but that, of course, carries a risk of cancer. I'm not willing to do that. I'm going to try some over the counter meds she told me about... but I'm not expecting much.

I'm reeling. I haven't been involved with anyone in years but I thought that maybe in the future when Mollie has gone on to college, that could be a possibility.

How am I supposed to feel about this? It's a little heart breaking. I never thought that someone could just tell me that I shouldn't have sex or intimacy again because it will guaranteed hurt me.

Carol and I were talking about aging, just a few hours before my pap. It was as if we knew what was coming...

Please pardon my heartbreak here. It's not that there's someone currently. It's just the idea that the door might be closed forever.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Working It!

This morning I weighed 229. Granted, that's still a hell of a lot for a small frame but... I don't know the last time I weighed less than 240.

This is a big deal for me. I'm so delighted...

Weight Watchers is turning out to be one of the best choices I ever made.

An interesting aside: I had a small bag of popcorn I was eating about a week ago and I zoned out and went into binge mode. Just shoveling it in my mouth, not tasting, just disconnected from everything. It was almost scary how oblivious I became when eating that.

In other news... there is no other news. Mollie has started playing tennis so weekends are spent hanging around the park. Writing isn't happening right now nor is reading.

Carolyn is still about planning world domination or just kitchen chaos. Funny how similar those two things are.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

White Beans and Sausage

My breakfast this morning.

And Carolyn, the recipe for the beans....

1 can white beans (Great Northern or Cannellini), drained
1 can diced tomatoes
1 sausage of any kind
1/2 cup of chicken broth (low sodium)
Italian seasonings
kale (optional)
sliced onions (optional)
diced garlic

Spray pan with cooking spray. Slice sausage and throw in (with onions if you want them). Cook a few minutes. Take out of pan. Respray. Add garlic and cook a minute. Add beans, tomatoes, broth, seasoning and heat five minutes. Add sausage and onion back in the pan, add kale and cook another 5 - 10 minutes.

Then serve.

I doubled the recipe for 4 people and it was just enough. Amazing with an over easy egg for a filling breakfast.

One serving is 7 weight watchers smart points. With egg is 9SP.

Saturday, February 18, 2017


It makes little to no sense right now... everything is going well. I love being on Weight Watchers but all this week my weight has stayed in one place. I'm writing an easy novella but I haven't written a word on it in ages.

I have tools but am accomplishing nothing. My Kindle is full of books and I'm not reading.

I can't blame this on politics because I ultimately believe Trump is about to get ousted. Not to mention I recently discovered that my brother is really thin skinned about 45 so I like to make little digs that just sets him off.

If he has a heart attack any time soon, it will probably be my fault.

I haz the ennui.

I can try to fight through it or I can just ride it out. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

Right now I might try taking a nap and then watching One Day At a Time on Netflix. It's a cute remake and I like everyone in it.

Ennui.  What a difficult time.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Weight Watchers and Woot!

One week on weight watchers and 7 pounds lost. Awesome sauce (low cal, low fat awesome sauce please).

 I should have done this ages ago.... okay, no. Because ages ago I might not have stuck to it. But now I see the loss and I'm so happy and excited. It's the right time of my life for these changes.

Mollie started playing tennis recently and she's obsessed. We spent a lot of time at the local tennis court this weekend. I walked and then chased after balls. I'm going to buy a racket too and even though I'll be slow and not a good player, at least it'll give her someone on the other side of the net.

Getting closer to finishing my novella which will be goal #3 for the year. Then there's only one left and I'm kicking ass.

So what I'm loving about weight watchers is that there's a social media aspect to it. It's called CONNECT and that's what happens: people connect. To find a group of people who have the same issues you do, are at the same weight and feeling like you feel... it's not a solitary thing. People support each other and it's like Facebook but with one goal: feeling better.

I find right now that I just spend my social media time on CONNECT or Twitter. I never used to like Twitter but now I'm hooked because I get so much political info. I read Newsweek, TIME, NY Times, CNN. I follow a ton of politicians and reporters. I know what's going on and it's invigorating.

As much as I despise our president, he's certainly gotten a lot of people aware of politics and getting involved. If he doesn't blow up the world, he might make it better because the world done got WOKE.

Just feeling joy this Monday morning.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Mollie's Shoes

I'm featured on Grok Nation today!

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

You Got This

If you know me at all, then you know I tend to be a glass half empty kind of gal. Not that I'm pessimistic but I'm quite realistic with a dash of pessimism.

I didn't plan on this year being anything different than any other year but it's shaping up to be. And if there's a theme to this year it's: You Got This.

Oh, there are things that are un-gettable. Betsy DeVos being confirmed as secretary of education when she doesn't believe in public education... well, nobody can get that. Most everything dealing with Trump is undeniably batshit crazy. But we, as Americans, will somehow put the embers of the country back together after his destruction.

Right now though, I'm feeling like old behaviors can be let go. Time to stop getting in my own way and let myself win.

I got this.

Now call your senators and tell them to get to work!