Wednesday, April 26, 2017

A Day Of Self-Care

I worked Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and am scheduled to work Thursday and Friday so here I am on Wednesday, off work and happy to be.

I have a shit load of things that need to get done and as I pondered the list I also thought about the things that would make me happy.

My nails need to be filed and colored. My toenails need another application of polish. I need to dye my hair. Laundry needs doing and eyebrows need a little maintenance.

I need to take a day and take care of myself.

Obviously a real day of self care would be doing no chores (haha) and letting someone else sculpt and paint my nails. But since I won't be budgeted to do that until about 2025, once these things are done then I'm going to be much happier in my own skin. (Which, by the way, there's less of as I weighed in at 211 this morning.)

So it's almost 10:30 in the morning. I had a huge breakfast and am drinking a second cup of coffee. I started my laundry and I'm going to go put hair dye on my head. Then I'm going to wash dishes and clean the kitchen. Then I'll wash out hair dye and shower.

My laundry will go in the dryer and Mollie's will go in the washer. I'll do my nails and write in my journal. My lunch is going to be Halo Top Peanut Butter Cup ice cream and a banana (oh my God, so freaking decadent!!)  I'm going to rearrange my desk again and take out garbage.

I plan on either napping and then taking a walk or vice versa. I'll work on my eyebrows at some point and probably watch some Netflix. Dinner for the family is leftovers and I'll have French Onion soup and crackers. I'll be completely on point for Weight Watchers, I'll have indulged in my day for me and tomorrow I'll feel pretty good about myself because I always love having my nails done.

I'm still waiting for my books to be delivered and I'm slowly reading Notwithstanding by Louis de Bernieres. I've loved his writing but this book is really stodgy. But charming Anyway, I don't love it but I'm also not hating it so I'm reading slowly.

Also I'm hoping I get a package soon of gifties. I joined a gift exchange on Weight Watchers called Share the Love and you get a random draw buddy to exchange weight watchers themed gifts with. Or gifts of encouragement. Anyway, my buddy and I exchanged one email and I don't really know anything about her so I sent her a box with low point crackers, candy, a journal, Kona coffee and hawaiian themed pads. I don't know, but hope, she sends me something.

Okay, that's my self care day in a nutshell. Time to smear hair dye all over my head and hope my forehead doesn't turn black.

Kisses to all out there that I love and admire. (And major pride and enjoyment in Willaful's wondrous journey. Girl, you stepped outside your comfort zone and not only have survived but were able to acknowledge and be in the moments that were hard. You are an inspiration!)

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Another Week Done

Welcome to Saturday.

I laid in bed this morning with a list of things I needed to get up and do and no desire to get up and do them. I work the next three days, long hours, and I need to be ready to run my ass off and work hard. Yesterday, my co-worker Carol and I painted the bathroom of our Kona office and did a damned near perfect job.

Today my neck is a little pained but my head is in a good place. So after spending an hour going through my Twitter feed and playing bingo, I got my ass up. Laundry is almost finished. Made a plan for dinner tonight (steak fajitas with refried beans and simple salad).

Still need to take the dog and myself for a walk, do some grocery shopping, get air in my tires and have a nap.

Weight loss: great moment earlier this week when I realized that I don't need to lose 100 pounds. I know that sounds strange but when you're seriously obese and look at weight loss, the idea of having to lose 100 pounds or more is staggering. At my biggest I was 276 (I think( and that meant 140 pounds to be at a healthier weight (and still overweight according to BMI charts).

I know there are people who are losing much more than that and I have so much respect for them.

So as of this morning I weighed 212.8 pounds. That's 27.2 pounds lost. I'm averaging then about 10 pounds a month which is really good. And probably not going to be sustainable in the long run. But that's okay. I'd like to see if I can get in the 190s by the end of June.

Wish me luck.

Budget is taking some hits but looks like it might start doing well after May. I'm still staying on track with the bill payments and delightfully by my birthday (late September) I'll have another bill completely gone and my Visa paid down to normal place (so the interest will be less also). So positive stuff. Just got to make it through May and Mollie's birthday.

Work is going better. I started a system for organizing myself as I travel between offices and staying on top of my tasks. It's working well right now and the doctor seems much happier with my work. So more positivity.

Mollie and I saw Beauty and the Beast last night. Have to admit that I was disappointed that it didn't stray in any big ways from the animated movie. And as much as I love Emma Watson as a human and a feminist, she's bland to me. BUT... Mollie and I were both in love with the beast as the beast. She was so funny too, because after the movie Mollie said she would have asked the enchantress for the ability to have the Prince go into Beast-mode for sexytimes.

The Beast was alpha. The prince was meh.

No writing still. Had a fun idea for Carolyn and I but have no desire to actually sit down and do the work. I don't know if I'm done with writing. But right now I'll still consider myself on hiatus.

Best to everyone.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Saturday Morning

Happy almost Easter to all of you who celebrate.

This morning on Twitter I saw a screenshot of the best exchange ever. It made life worth living:

GOP TEENS: What gun do you think Jesus would have liked?
ANSWER: A nail Gun.
GOP TEENS: Not funny. Blocked.

So welcome to Saturday. Laundry is started, dishes are done. I have hot coffee and I need to collect garbage and do a dump run.

I make dinners on Saturday and tonight I'm making Egg Roll in a Bowl with Cauliflower Rice. The egg roll is just browning ground pork with sesame oil and shoyu (I'll add garlic and onion cause it can be bland) and then taking a package of cole slaw mix and tossing that in and cooking to soften (but not too soft).

The cauliflower rice should be interesting. I bought a cauliflower yesterday and I'm going to grate it and then saute it in a little oil. It's supposed to replace rice and be tastier. We'll see.

I'm planning a long walk today. My brother showed me a great place to walk and I discovered that if you drive a little further down it's just as gorgeous but all paved. Easier on my old knees and I want to see if I can extend my walk time. I average 20 minutes and would like to make it 30.

I'm working on sensible goals right now. I'm 213 lbs (down 27 from WW start) and I decided to set a goal to get under 200 by the end of June. I've found an accountability buddy on WW, her name is Lindsey and I'm excited to make a new friend who is on the same path.

Yesterday I was tweaking (not twerking) a new budget system I'm going to try and as I worked on it, I realized that one of my major bills will be paid off in August. It just disappears off my payment schedule.

Oh my God. That is going to be huge.

So I'm kind of sparked right now.

If there's one thing I know, it's enjoy the positive moments because they don't always last. So treasure the happiness.

And happy Saturday.

Friday, April 14, 2017

What I'm Watching

I know this should say What I'm Reading but I've been on Netflix more than my book library so whatever...


It's another season of past players and now there's nobody good looking to watch so sad for me. On the other hand, there's some great playing taking place and really strategic moves so it's turning out to be a good season.

The last episode was a shocker. Player Jeff Varner was on the chopping block and doing a last minute attempt to survive and he outed Zeke as being transgender. It was a horrible moment but at the same time there was something amazing in watching everyone attack Varner for betraying a trust and refusing to allow Zeke's secret to matter.

Jeff Probst, the host of the show, proved why he's so good at his job. He guided the conversation safely for Zeke, as well as giving him time to process that he was outed on national television. He made the situation less horrible... and it was damned horrible.

I can't wait till next week.

The Good Witch

This is a Hallmark Channel show on Netflix with 2 seasons. It stars Catherine Bell as Cassie, a sweet witch who has (I think) one expression (bemused beauty) and James Denton as Sam, the doctor neighbor who starts off a little crusty and by the end of season 2 is finally playing kissy face with the witch.

It's like a lightweight Harlequin. Sweet with a little romance, a lot of good looking people living in a perfectly picturesque town and enough saccharine to cause diabetes. But I like it. Problems are easily solved, it's removed from reality and my daughter labeled it "Kid TV".

The Santa Clarita Diet

This one is okay. I'm just starting to get into it after about 5 episodes. Drew Barrymore is adorable and the premise is cute. But I'm not sure it can sustain interest.

I do like the guy who plays the husband and his bewilderment at having a zombie wife.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

A Master Class ... in Me

How do I explain this?

I'm really feeling connected right now. I went through a period recently where I disconnected and was having problems caring about too much or feeling real in my life. I think that with the level of cruelty and incompetence coming from our government, it's hard to remain in a safe space in our own lives without compromising something.

So that's been a struggle.

Right now I've pretty much signed off of Facebook because that's been just too much for me to handle. I haven't closed my account because I refuse to lose my favorite bingo game but I don't go on except rarely and never make it through more than 2 or 3 posts. And usually I go only because my daughter wants me to like one of her posts.

I'm been using Twitter as a news source: I follow journalists and magazines and news sources. I choose to scroll through a lot and stop and read what matters to me. There's so much to be outraged by, so much to call our representatives about... you have to start culling through it.

I will not talk politics with my brother. I just won't. He can't/won't acknowledge how disgusting, immoral and dirty Trump is, then we can't talk. Until he acknowledges, I just won't do it anymore.

So I talk to Carolyn and I hang with my daughter and well, I lose weight. And I work a lot.

The weight loss is proving to be interesting and enjoyable. Weight Watchers has replaced my social media. I read people's stories, share their successes and difficulties and feel like I'm with my tribe. Beyond that though, I'm learning a lot about my body: how it processes food and emotions, what happens when I exercise and when I don't, what happens if I get enough sleep or not enough. 

I'm more aware of myself. And for the first time since becoming a mother, I'm concentrating on self care. Part of that is being with Mollie and being more present in her life. But part of that is saying "my turn" and making sure that I have what I need also. And I'm still learning what I need. 

This process is amazing. I'm changing my life and there's a lot of things that are evolving. I'm on hiatus from writing. I'm returning to reading slowly. It's important that I find books again that make my soul sing. My journaling is going to be going through some changes also with less regimentation and more creativity (I hope).

And I'm going to dance.


True story:

Left work early today because I could and immediately got on the phone with Carolyn so we could do what we do so well: talk.

We talked about food.
We talked about the weird hairs on our chins.
We talked about television.
We talked about food again.
We talked about politics.
We talked about each other.
We talked more about food.

After over an hour of conversation we realized a few relevant things:

1. We like to talk.
2. We obsess about food.
3. We no longer talk about romance.

We discussed closing the blog but Carolyn threatened to show the nude selfie I accidentally sent her (I was trying to send it to the debt collector who keeps calling -- that'll chase him away!!) so we agreed to keep the blog forever. (Forever is a short time under the Trump presidency. We should all be cockroach food within the year.)

But we agreed the blog should reflect where we are nowadays.

We're old. We fart. We do laundry.

Welcome to our exciting lives.