Sunday, January 29, 2017

One Fucking Week and This Country is Being Run by a Nazi

Steve Bannon is running our country. You know Steve Bannon, don't you? Hates blacks, Jews, Muslims, liberals and women? And apparently he became president while all our backs were turned.

I can't articulate.... words fail me. My life is being run from news source after news source trying to figure out what comes next. They did a good job with us. They've thrown so much shit that we're running around in circles unable to even comprehend the enormity of the shitstorm.

I'm frightened because my daughter wasn't born in this country. I'm frightened because I'm Jewish. I'm frightened because I think they're trying to destroy America and our elected officials are standing idly by, not doing what we need.

I've truly never been this kind of scared before. Why aren't the democrats doing something?

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Incomprehensible Is The Only Word I Can Come Up With

Less than a week ago, women and men (mostly women) all over the world rallied and marched and made their voices heard. Less than a week later, the pee-resident has taken a photograph from that rally and claimed it as an inauguration photo.

Oh it doesn't end there. He signed the most restrictive abortion gag rule yet. He's building the wall. He's bringing back torture. He's investigating voter fraud which doesn't exist. 4 journalists are in jail. He's okayed the Dakota Pipeline which he's invested in. His nominees, almost all inappropriate, are being confirmed. State department senior staff have all quit. The Democratic party is folded. They're not fighting.

The pee-resident has signed more executive orders in less than a week than Obama did in eight years. He's threatening the cities/states that went blue. He's planning to cut federal funding to any state that went for Hillary.

He's going to go after all illegals and their children. Meaning people born in this country who are Americans will be deported if their parents came in illegally. He's blocking all refugees and immigrants from Muslim countries. He probably will find a way to create a Muslim registry.

Less than a week folks.

Where do we start? What do we do? My brother is rejoicing over this? I'm sick at heart. I have headaches every day.

Donald Trump is a mentally ill fascist and impeachment should have already begun.

What the fuck is going on? What are we supposed to do?

How do we process all of this? For the first time in my life I feel like the center has fallen out. Climate change is real but our government is denying it. The pee-resident never divested from his business holdings. The right is attacking the left with fervor and the people are screaming but their elected officials aren't.

Elizabeth Warren voted to confirm Ben Carson to head HUD. WTF?? 

I want to hide. I want to cry. I want to know what can we do or are we really powerless? Do I need to be armed to protect my Muslim neighbors? Do I need to be armed to protect myself? Will they overturn Roe v Wade? Will they overturn marriage equality?

How many people will die?

Sunday, January 22, 2017

The New Abnormal

So proud of all the women and men who took part in peaceful protest for the Women's March yesterday. My knees would never have survived an hour of standing much less an entire afternoon, which broke my heart because I really wanted to go. But I spent a lot of time watching clips and looking at pictures and feeling my heart swell.

I felt like The Grinch as his heart grew and he became nice again.

Of course, now we have the Sean Spicer/Kellyanne Conway circus act. And I can't even mention Pee. Trump and his strange performance with the CIA. Might this all be a piece of performance art that nobody told us about?

Anyway, Pee. Trump claimed that his inauguration was the best attended ever even though pictures show it wasn't. Not even close. So he made Sean Spicer do a press briefing and claim the lie and threaten the press for not printing the lie (some have, trust me. If you find them, avoid them.) Then on the morning news shows Kellyanne Stepford Wife repeats the lie but calls it "alternative truth".

Take a moment and let that sink in folks.

Alternative truth.

Anybody past the age of six or seven knows that alternative truth is another way to say --lie--. Falsehood. Fib. Bullcrap. These are the people speaking for our pee-resident.

I just wrote a book about the devil and she lied less than this bunch.

Well bless their little right-wing hearts, they're obviously all drinking something unhealthy and making it obvious that America is in serious trouble. However, after yesterday, it's also obvious that America will fight back.

Straight up lying is not something we're going to accept from our government. And most people will not accept this as the new normal.

Watch out Trump. We're on to you and soon we'll be saying "you're fired!"

Friday, January 20, 2017


Well, it's happened. Something I certainly never believed could happen in America: we elected an openly dishonest con-man to be our president.

He didn't win the popular vote but neither did George W. Nowadays Republicans need the electoral college to win the presidency because the majority of America really does see the base venality at the core of their party.

What will happen under a Trump presidency? I honestly don't know. What I expect, however, is a quick erosion of rights and human dignity. Old, white men will start claiming dominion over women's bodies and ultimately their lives. Blacks, Hispanics, immigrants will stop being people to many and become talking points. Already Trump paints black neighborhoods as nothing but criminally violent drug arenas.

We have a majority of politicians who don't really know who Americans are and don't really care. They know money and getting paid off and if you think political corruption is bad, let's check in and see it in two years.

The press is already being beggared and they're rolling on their backs like abused dogs and offering their bellies. Hate crimes are rising. Antisemitism is the new black. (Bomb threats galore called into Jewish Community Centers)

I keep saying it will be okay because Trump won't last the four years. But what if I'm wrong? What if Donald Trump becomes the new normal? What if there are enough people in America who prefer hucksterism to actual change?

Walls will be built... but through neighborhoods, schools and churches. People will protest and others will discover that breaking up protests with violence is fun. We'll see more pictures of bloody Americans and headlines claiming the protesters were at fault.

Welcome to the new dark ages folks. There are some candles by the door, grab yours before they all flicker out.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Day Before Release

I'm excited. Tomorrow is my big release day, and if it goes like other release days I'll end the day with a slightly upset stomach and a feeling of despair.

I barely know how to write books. I sure as hell don't know how to sell them.

I thought planning a release on inauguration day would be fun and I could have some laughs. Unfortunately, nobody is laughing. Nobody cares.

The last book I released was my novella Surviving America's Sweetheart and it got a great review on Dear Author and sold only a handful of copies.

So this time I approach release day with the anticipation of releasing my book into the world and the sad headache and stench of disappointment souring it all.

Wish me luck.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

The Weight of Weight

All my life I've been afraid of a number. Terrified that someone would discover the number that shows on my scale and ... I don't know. Publish it in the paper? Tell my boss? Invalidate my existence because the number was too high?

One number and I've lived my life in fear of it.

Hello folks. My name is Lori and I currently weight 240 pounds. I'm 5 foot nothing in height so when I describe myself as having the shape of a beach ball, I'm not kidding.

This isn't the biggest I've ever been either. When I first moved to Hawaii I weighed about 276. I got down to 240 but then my knees started to really hurt and my snack-age went up and I was 250 and thought "no".

This isn't about weight loss. I finally, at age closer to 60 than not, realized that this, all of this craziness has been about a number.

Years ago I was told that at my height, my healthy weight is 100 pounds. Well that's interesting. I was 160 in high school. What's the fucking chance I'm going to ever weigh 100 pounds?

So I started to fear the number. My entire life I'd tell anybody anything about myself but never my weight. I've confessed my fears, my shames, my most embarrassing moments but I never told anyone how much I weigh.

I weigh 240 pounds today.

It's a number. One single motherfucking number that has had more control over my life than the people I love, the way I feel, more than everything.

It's never been about weight. It's always been about being told I should weigh 100 pounds and weighing more than twice that. It's about years of thinking if I could just get down to (fill in the blank) pounds then I'll be okay.

Just a stupid number.

Before anyone decides this is the time to come in and point out the health dangers of obesity and whatever else someone wants to do because they're a ridiculous human being, can I suggest you fuck off? This isn't about that. No fat person alive hasn't gotten the lectures, the tut-tutting, the loving concern from family, friends and strangers.

It isn't about that. It's about a number.

I finally realized that I no longer was afraid of that number. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm not defined by it. It's part of my journey and wherever the number goes, I'll work it out.

My name is Lori and I weigh 240 pounds. And for the first time in my entire life, I'm not bothered by it.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

And the Responsibility Goes To....

I want to lose weight. No, I need to lose weight. No wait... too much weight is waiting... way much weight is weighing me down     (stop me, Carol...)

This wasn't a New Year's resolution. I realized that I wasn't happy with the constant knee pain and the first step to being pain free was putting less stress on my joints. Which meant... you got it.

My plan/intent ultimately is to join weight watchers. But right now I'm trying to jump start some weight loss so I can feel excited and proud and the best way to do that quickly and safely is to cut carbs and sugar, eat more protein, veggies and a handful of fats. It's how I lost weight pre-adoption and how I'm jump-starting right now.

My family is aware and truly, couldn't give a shit, one way or another. Okay, not true. My daughter is my personal cheering section and every day asks how I feel and have I lost any weight (I feel great and yes, I have).

I talked to my SIL who does most of the cooking and she said she supported me although was not going to add more meat to our meals. That's fine. What I didn't expect was that she would start making really carb heavy meals that I can't eat.

At first I felt hurt and declared that she was obviously sabotaging me. I sniffled, I went to bed hungry and I sniffled some more. Then I stopped. Because what my SIL chooses to do is no reflection on me or my health or my choices. I'm responsible for me, not her, and she can't sabotage me if I stay the track and remain on the path.

So here I am. I love my SIL and think that right now something is playing out that has more to do with her feelings around food and less to do with me. I need to be willing to put aside my sniffling and when there are no good choices for me, to make my own. I need to buy some groceries just for myself and be willing to take responsibility for buying and cooking my food.

And I need to remember that my health is my responsibility and my family loves me but isn't always going to make the right decisions for my care either. That's why I need to do it.

My life. I'm responsible. (May be my new motto for 2017).

Monday, January 2, 2017

Before It's Forgotten

I saw where Willaful had done a bog post saying 2016 hadn't been all bad and it made me think. There was some serious badness and sadness but there were also some things that happened that were amazing:

My sister got married. She and her partner have been together 17 years and couldn't legally marry and now they can and they did. If that isn't worth celebration, I don't know what is.

My SIL is cancer free. A year ago she was sick from chemo and at the lowest point of her life. Now she's regaining her health and energy, she had an amazing holiday and if kicking cancer's ass isn't amazing...

I lost my job (I adored that job) but the very next day got a new job with a man who, although he has some interpersonal challenges, is generous and deep down caring. I'm hoping that I can be a benefit to him as well as I appreciate the benefits he is giving and plans to give his employees.

I wrote a book. That might seem like a small thing but the last thing I wrote to completion was a novella in 2014. This is a step back in the direction I want my life to go.

I'm sure there are other things but right now these are the ones that come to mind.

We're still here and kicking. Hopefully we got a lot more years cause God knows, we got plenty of kick in us.