So Marinated Publishing has a new author and her name is Sami Summers. She writes bad porn which is quite funny.
Prince Heinrich was bored.
He’d started his day with a royal blow job, then fencing lessons. There was a
blow job before lunch and then after eating he had history lessons. After his
tutor blew him, there was swimming, riding, dinner and his evening suck-off.
He felt like he’d anointed
every mouth in the castle as well as most of the kingdom. There had to be
something more and he needed to find it.
“Heinrich. Sir.”
Sebastien, the royal page and every Thursday after French lessons fellator,
bowed and scraped. “Sir, I have news.”
“Is it good news?”
Heinrich asked. “I really don’t care for bad news unless disaster has fallen on
an enemy. That would make me happy. Are any of our enemies suffering mightily?”
“It’s about Snow White.
She’s disappeared.”
“She's the virgin with the
pretty breasts, right?” Heinrich yawned. “Unless you tell me she was captured
by pirates or has been taken by an ogre to be his bride, who cares? It’ll just
be another dragon abducting a maiden and fire breathing her clothes off.”
“She ran away,” Sebastien
said breathlessly.
“Now that’s interesting.”
The prince sat forward. “Tell me what you know. This could be just what I
needed.”
“Sir?”
“What could be more
perfect for a prince then to rescue a princess? That would be fun. And save me
from trying to figure out how to conjugate Latin verbs. Plus my Latin teacher
always uses his teeth when he blows me. It’s quite tedious.”
“Indeed,” Sebastien said
with a slight eye roll.
That gem was from 50 Shades of Snow White
Farts: We're delighted to have you here. How has 2013 started for you?
Sami: Well, it started with that damned blackmail email you sent that's now shackled me to you until I can figure out a way to kill you and make it look like you freaking old farts killed each other. Other than that, it's been good.
Farts: So about your writing, you like the hot smexing and big funnies.
Sami: And you call yourself a publisher? No wonder my sales suck.
Farts: Not just your sales which is why it's easy to blackmail you. Shall we talk about your newest release?
Sami: You have spinach in your teeth.
When Bunny reads a popular novel, it makes her feel that her marriage needs some
zing to keep it from going stale. Unfortunately, her husband Buck is clueless as
to what Bunny needs and he's reluctant to try.
Can two loving but clueless marrieds manage to spice up their love life without losing their sanity, reputations or health in the process?
Can two loving but clueless marrieds manage to spice up their love life without losing their sanity, reputations or health in the process?
Farts: I loved how Bunny and Buck worked so hard to make each other happy but kept doing it all wrong. Was that written from personal experience?
Sami: Yeah, when I was shagging your boyfriend. I'm out of here. And just so you know, I'll find a way to get out of this Satanic contract. And when I do, you better watch your backs.
Farts: Aw, we love you too, Sami.
So there you have it. A happy to be Marinated author with three whole books to sell and excited to be working with us.
50 Shades Over the Rainbow will be free at Amazon this week. Hurry up and get it while e-supplies last.
I don't know if I can co-exist with that horrible Sami Summers! She's horrible and I can't for the life of me see how she writes such fun books.
ReplyDeleteI want to renegotiate My contract!