How Susan Bodendo (aka Super Earthling) Turned Me Into a Bestselling Author

I was sad. I was very sad.

It was a bad time for me.

I'd been writing for years and although I'd been published my sales were dismal.

That's a sinking ship. It represents my sales and Noble Publishing. Ha.

I was thinking about giving up. But I'd just written a book I loved and it was my first full length novel that I was going to self-publish.

Depressed, I went on Facebook. And I saw a link and followed it.

READ THIS OR SUFFER ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!!

I laughed. I snorted. I had diet soda come out of my nose. It hurt.

This woman, this Susan Bodendo (aka Super Earthling, aka Daisy Dexter Dobbs)

well, she's awesome. She deserves to be read. And so I did what any non-original person would do. I shared it on Facebook so my friends would be impressed. And they were.

And Susan Bodendo, this Super Earthling, said to me on Facebook

Daisy Dexter Dobbs Thanks a million for sharing this, Lori, and for your kind words. Much appreciated. I hope you become a bestselling millionaire overnight after reading this sage asdvice. :D

I know, right?

Well I loaded my little book

on Kindle, All Romance, B&N and.... got the best sales in one day then I've had with any of my books previously.

There's only one reason for it. Her name is Susan Bodendo (aka Super Earthling, aka Daisy Dexter Dobbs, aka my new guardian angel). Becausee she wished me sales, only a few hours later, I got them.

Her Facebook message was like a magic 8 ball.

You can follow Susan on Facebook FOLLOW SUSAN OR GET A YEAST INFECTION IN BAD BAD PERSONAL PLACES  and she might send you a magic message too.

(You can follow her blog via the link on our sidebar.)

I do think Susan is very talented and although I can't credit her with all my sales success (which is limited success, as is) I do think the obvious connection between her message and my sales is obvious to anyone. She's magic. Deal with it.

The Probably Not The Last Word About Noble

Bryl Tyne

Bryl Tyne was an editor with Noble and has written a blog post that is more eloquent and painful than anything I've read about this whole mess.

I'll reiterate that I had only one title with them and it wasn't a much beloved one, at that. But this... this is what happens when a publisher messes up and leaves people with unfulfilled promises.

And when Jill Noble called the people she was working with 'unprofessional' and 'trash', tell me what you think after reading what Bryl has to say.

YESTERDAY'S HEADLINE

AMAZON

Barnes & Noble

ALL ROMANCE

Kipper Dale looks like she should have it all. As part of an ensemble cast on a top rated sitcom, Kipper has the perfect Hollywood pedigree with Marina Cash the movie star as a mother and bad boy rocker Remy Dale as a father.

But appearances can be deceiving. When she meets Easton Hurst, a muscular, pony-tailed restaurant owner, she begins to see herself and her world in a new light. As Hurst opens her heart, Kipper questons the facade her Hollywood life embraces and begins a journey to happiness in and out of the spotlight.

Furiously funny and seriously sensual, this book shows Hollywood as it's rarely seen.

                                                     ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The cover was created by our lovely Lea, doing her thing as Elle's Designs.

Edited by Antonia Tiranth.

Formatted by yours truly.

Paperback edition available soon.

Stats

Well to anon who posted down below and said I only posted about Noble Romance to improve blog stats, I say well, it brought you here. Howevs, stats are high because obviously people are looking to find out anything they can about Noble.

Also, stats show other keywords include GoodRead bullies, Stacia, female orgasm videos (Carolyn, did we post videos of that? I don't remember), hot jism and ripping female orgasms.

Because I'm all about stats, let me include some new random words to rev up those search engines.

GEORGE CLOONEY NAKED ON THIS BLOG ONLY!

How to make one million dollars without leaving your chair.

NAKED ORLANDO BLOOM PICTURES!! (That one is for Lea.)

Two old farts have ripping orgasms on video while eating liver and onions. (That's for the foodie freaks out there.)

NAKED PICTURES OF LORI AND CAROLYN....  oh yeah, nobody wants to see those. It's like looking at different sized flesh colored beach balls.

FLESH COLORED BEACH BALLS!

Okay, that's my public service announcement for today. I have an appointment to go to now and I'm wearing my lucky bracelet.

Wish me luck. I need it.

Noble Romance Publishing... The End?

I'm certainly out of the loop and in general have tried to stay out of the Noble loop for ages but it looks as though the publisher has imploded and in a quick and messy way.

Jill Noble, the face of the house and editor in chief has quit. She apparently was working for her brother Jim and tried to buy him out and didn't, leading her to quit the house in one of the greatest flounces ever.

At this moment, I do not know what the owner's plans are, as far as the company's immediate future is concerned. I'm pretty sure he'll keep it up and running, in some form, so he can earn back some of his initial investment. I, on the other hand, only invested years of my life, my talent, my expertise, and my hard labor, and so I don't imagine there is any way I'll recoup my contribution. ;-) I'm not concerned about that, though. For me, this has always been a labor of love. I've met a lot of really wonderful, talented people (and let's face it - a few crazy ones, too, lol), and up until this past year, I never looked on my position here as a "job." Jobs are never this fun. To say I've enjoyed working with you sounds like such a cliche, but I promise you, it's true. I'm hoping many of you will want to keep in touch and maintain a friendship on some other level. On the bright side, I can now review your books without being accused of practicing favoritism.

 She went on to say :

I sincerely apologize for the fact that my parting ways with NRP will no doubt disrupt some of your lives, to one degree or another. I hope you're treated fairly; I believe you will be. You all have contracts; follow them to the letter, and you'll be fine.

I loved that. Follow your contracts to the letter... but the company doesn't have to?

Of course the minute she sent that out then the authors started talking. Suddenly we learn that royalties haven't been paid, promises about books in print weren't followed through. Emails have gone unanswered.

Then Jill's daughter, apparently another Noble executive came into the author's loop and demanded that the authors show loyalty to her departing mother by not discussing royalties or issues. Good authors don't discuss such things, it seems. When she was shot down it got momentarily not prettier.

Noble's new "face" Jim, the owner we didn't know there was, is not taking calls at this time. The person left as a contact for the authors isn't contacting back. And the author's loop was shut down.

My experiences with Noble weren't good. I contracted Hot Hexed and Bothered with them.  Far from my best book but definately my best title (hee hee). Anyway, the editor I was assigned never contacted me and we had a quick release date approaching so a new editor was assigned maybe two weeks before release.

That editor rewrote sections of my book (she just rewrote, no asking) and so I rewrote them back to what they were. I was assigned a new editor who sent me an email and said she didn't know anything about editing but she was there to be my publishing buddy and get me answers to any questions I had.

Then Jill wrote me a week before my release and said the book wasn't going to be released on time. I complained and she apologized and said they'd provide me some swag for giveaways to make up for it. Apparently she meant they'd provide pictures of swag because I never got a thing from them.

They released the book, it tanked, they released it as erotic romance even though there wasn't a single sex scene in it  *scratching head*.

Being in the author's loop with Noble it was easy to see that the business was being run like a club. Jill was the most popular girl and she promoted hard the people she liked. It was a clique and not a business, or so it seemed to me. And later Jill was offering an online workshop which lasted one lesson and then she dropped it and never mentioned it again. Flaky.

Anyway, so that was my experiences with Noble. It'll be interesting to see what happens next. But I'm not going to hold my breath for them. Unless they hire someone whose last name isn't Noble to run the business. Then they might have a fighting chance.

Television, Tits and Temptation

So last night was the 1,000 episode of RAW (thats wrestling entertainment) and my daughter and I watched and enjoyed it BIG time.

Speaking of big time enjoyment, the final match between John Cena and CM Punk saw Punk turn heel and at one point in the match when Cena was "knocked out" (not really, it's all scripted) he had a really apparent boner. It was just so out of place as to be terribly funny.

The Bachelorette had her finale and I think there might be a real relationship there. Emily was crushing so hard on Arie throughout but at the end she chose Jef, which was a smart move on her point. Arie was a temporary relationship but Jef is a forever kind of guy. And as a single mother, Jef was the one man there who was concerned about meeting Emily's daughter and having a chance to bond before a ring went on the finger.

Over on GoodReads there's more dramas flaring and of course authors being stupid. I can't believe these deluded asswipes. I mean... I know we're all wanting to be loved and admired but really? Really?

I loved over on DA on the thread that would not die the Shit-terly actually forced Jane into creating a way to block comments. It was brilliant. Yay Jane.

And maybe one day the Shit will get a clue and stop telling women to accept and embrace when men make them victims. But I don't think so.

Letters From Greece got a review on Amazon and the reviewer didn't like the cover and said so. That was the open mouthed kiss that Carol and I didn't like either.

Oh, and over at Noble Romance Publishing, Jill Noble has resigned from running the business. Apparently she was the editor in chief but there was a money man elsewhere and now the money man is taking over the business. I have only one book with them and would never publish with them again (so rinky-dink with their editors) but it's interesting. I love how the business is named after the person who's leaving.

Wow

Sally Ride died on Amelia Earhart's birthday.

The Gatekeepers

I have no desire to read 50 Shades of Grey, just as I had no desire to read Twilight (and when I saw the lead characters in the movie, it sealed the deal). From what I've seen and heard, it's badly written, a take off on Twilight and a published fan fiction.

I wouldn't mind publishing fan fic myself, I've got lots of it, but gee, color me stupid, I thought that was verboten.

A couple of my coworkers are reading Shades and I hear them discussing it. They love it, can't wait to see what happens next. Their voices are excited and I often hear "Oh My God, can you believe it?"

Okay, my theory is this. They're southern girls, brought up in the country, married now with children. I image the goings on in Shades has a 'wow' factor for them, even though others online have stated it's a pale reflection of BDSM. Who am I to judge? I too was ignorant of such goings on, even at my age, until a few years ago.

I think there are women like this all over the country and the world; naive, even innocent, although the internet should take care of that in a few decades. For them, this book would be breaking new ground.

But my question is this: what happened to the Gatekeepers?  (Shades of Ghostbusters!!) You know, the publishers who are supposed to protect us from badly written shlop. Have they lowered their standards? Or is it that Shades is not that badly written?

If I had more than a mild curiosity about it, I'd buy the book and find out for myself. But these days I'm having trouble reading books I want to read; I'm not about to start in on books I don't want to read!

Has anyone read it? If so, what's your opinion?

Understanding Predatory Behavior

There's been so much drama recently with GoodReads and on blogs and crazy bullying and stalking... and I found myself leafing through an old favorite book: The Gift by Gavin DeBecker.

In Mr. DeBecker's brilliant books, he explains how to recognize predatory behavior. He's a security expert as well as a man who grew up in a household where he had to learn how to recognize threats and survive danger (Mom was a heroin addict as well as violent and suicidal).

The behavior described in his books is a lot of what you can see online.

The inability to hear the word no. Go to Dear Author and read Will Sh*tterly's comments about his outing a woman blogger. He's completely incapable of hearing anyone say no to him. He twists the conversations, he mocks other opinions, he circles around and around and never does he hear someone say no to him.

He's completely incapable of understanding that the word can apply to him.

There's the YA writer on GoodReads who admits to being one of the GoodRead bullies on that horrible site and then talks about outing teenage bloggers who accepted a free copy of his book but didn't review it as promised.

This same shit-masquerading-as-a-man actually, apparently, was in communication with a female teen blogger who developed a crush on him. His adult attitude led to his tricking her. She refused to promote his book on her blog and her friends followed. Now he's going to out them.

So the very fact that he was in communication with an underage girl and then lied to her, doesn't bother him at all. And no matter how many adults show up to point out his reasoning is flawed, he can't hear it.

Because no doesn't apply to him either.

The complete and absolute misogyny of these men is frightening. And so fits the predator.

Gavin DeBecker does a brilliant job explaining all the behaviors to watch for and how to be aware. Once you have that kind of awareness it's fascinating to watch men at play.

I wouldn't let any of those men in my life or 100 feet near my daughter.

Hmmm....

Should we even bother?

It's Thursday, It's Random

I'm exhausted. Can't see straight exhausted.

Summer vacation and the child is staying up till 2, 3, 4am and doesn't think twice about waking me up to show me something awesome on You Tube or even just to tell me that I'm the best mother in the world.

Child at 2am, with nudges in side: Mom, Mom! You got to see this. It's a one legged cat on You Tube dancing the marimba.

Me: mumbles incoherently

Child: I love you so much, Mom. None of my friend's Moms will watch You Tube videos with them like you do.

Me: Show me the damned cat. Oh my God! Do you see what time it is? Are you crazy?!?! Oh.... that cat is adorable.

So work then kicks my ass because our technician is gone on family bereavement and so my dragging ass is now doing his job as well as my own.

At least I have the internet to keep me warm.

That is if warm involves heat from the flashes of rage I feel with the continued harassment from the GoodReads freaks against the reviewers. And then Dear Author finally posted about it and it's over 500 comments strong and fascinating reading.

For the most part the conversation remains civil and intelligent. The usual trolls: Author on Vacation, Ann Sommerville. Some strange bitch who seems to equate swearing with bad manners and the end of civilization.

So the trolls try to derail the conversation and make it about them. Then there's the nimrods who don't like those darn mean girls and try to victim blame. Oh noes, that is so not going to happen.

The great thing is to see that the general community of romancelandia is pretty united in this. And it's awesome. Intelligent women are not going to be derailed from this. And this is one time that when the names finally come out as to who is behind this, they can expect to never see another book sale.

Other good news.... from the time I started this post to now, someone brought me chocolate. Life is looking up.

I Am A Mean Girl: A Confession

I thought it was time to confess to what most people have already figured out: I am a mean girl.

Most of my meanness stems from the fact that I'm really, really short and when you spent your lifetime looking up, you get a sore neck and it can make a gal cranky.

Also, I'm fat. So short and fat = beach ball. I'm a beach ball with breasts and a sore neck. You'd have an attitude too.

Oh, I'm not done. Not by a long shot. I'm also old. Age spots, grey hair, wrinkles in places where there shouldn't even be places. Add to that I'm a mother of a pre-teen. So everybody tells me what a great grand-son I have. That's my daughter, you dweebs. (Yeah, my daughter does super short hair and not girly clothes so she's obviously a boy.)

What? Not yet finished? Oh not by a fucking long shot. Because I'm also single. And my dog pees on the floor when he's left alone. And my cats chew on cords. And my iphone data plan  sucks. And chocolate has calories. And George Clooney keeps ignoring my fan letters, even the ones with the naked pictures.

Oh yeah. And I'm an author who hasn't made enemies. Or created any rabid fan girls. And I don't have people blocking my Twitter.

I'm a goddamned failure, is what I am.

So to make myself happy, I make myself happy. I snark, I laugh, I do things that bring me pleasure (and gets me restraining orders from George Clooney's attorney). I don't threaten people however, I don't post their personal information (except Carolyn's and if you're curious, she's spending the afternoon at Lila Mae's House of Grooming) and I sometimes leave absolutely venemous reviews of books on GoodReads of books I hated.

I leave fan girls squees on Loretta Chase's books but that's not important. I'm still waiting for her restraining letter.

I'm mean. I do it to make myself laugh. And to forget for a moment that I'm a beach ball with an adrogynous daughter and a bathroom papered in court orders to stay 500 feet away from George Clooney at all times.

Oh well. At least there's chocolate.

Stopping the Real Bullies

If it was just about reviews and authors being loud imbeciles, I frankly wouldn't give a flying monkey's hairy ass--we have seen that before, and for the most part we have forgotten the names of the idiots. They were special and sensitive snowflakes who had no perspective (book =/= your baby)

But the people behind the StGRb site are endangering the people they highlight. First they give you all this personal information about them, from residence to real name, and pictures. Then they tell you how these women are lowlifes who deserve whatever comes at them.

Do you think for a minute that there won't be people who will take that as gospel?

It has happened before--google Anita Sarkeesian if you want to see how far it can go.

So we need to do more than say, "authors should ignore reviews" and we should do much more than just say, "oh those authors are hypocrites and crazy and scary"

We need to highlight stories like these, and raise awareness that the more women shut up to avoid being the targets of this type of behaviour, the less freedom we have.

Yes, we have come far in the last fifty years, in most countries, but we have to keep fighting to retain at least a semblance of equality in our right to speak out--let alone to achieve, you know, actual equality (such as salary parity, etc.)

Those words above were said by AztecLady in the comments about the GoodReads Bullies and I wanted to highlight it. Because this is exactly what it's about.

Right there. Pay attention.

This plays into the the socialization of women. We live through emotions and so we see someone we don't especially like and we process it through emotions. So Ridley annoys me and I think she's rude. Someone else experiences her rudeness/bluntness as a personal attack and then the drama begin.

I know Ridley isn't a bully. But the person who feels attacked then does the **sobs** and the "I've been picked on" dance and then that feeds into the other person who feels picked on and before you know it...

snowballs into evil, Cruella deVille behavior the likes of which we haven't experienced since junior high school.

We need to stop relating emotionally to these situations and think for once like men do. You piss me off, I call you out on it when it happens. I don't stew and create drama around it. Or I learn that it really isn't personal at all since it's on the internet and not in my home and get over myself.

Everyone needs to stop looking at these train wrecks and being gleeful but instead go directly to site admin and tell them to close it down.

We need to show that we can stand together to protect the rights of mouthy women, bitchy women, women we might not like but who deserve to speak their minds and not be threatened for it.

If we don't defend each other, then who'll be there when we need defending also?

Outing My Amazon Bully

I've had plenty of time to think about it and I've decided that the truth must come out. I've been bulied on Amazon. And Goodreads. And well, everywhere. And I'm here to out the bitch that's done it.

Her name is Carolyn. Also known as C.L. McCullough. Or in the Green household, we just call her that red-headed bitch.

My story begins simply enough when I had my first book come out. It was an exciting time and the moment it was for sale, my dear friend Carolyn immediately went everywhere and posted 5 star reviews, as well she should.

But then she got her own book published. She became one of the special snowflakes. You know the ones. Suddenly full of herself. Bragging about her $15.00 royalty statements and her two reviews.

She turned on me as only a vicious bully could.

To talk about it causes me so much pain. But she must be outed. Her nefarious deeds have gone on too long.

She started leaving me 4 star reviews.

*sob*

Oh she had her handy excuses. She told me she thought I was a 5 star writer but she didn't want to be accused of sock-puppeting her best friend. She wanted to look fair,.

How fair was it that my best friend didn't post 5 star reviews everywhere, I ask you? How could she?!?!

I swore one day I would seek my revenge and so I shall.

Her real name is Carolina Moonshina McCullough
She lives in Shady Oaks Trailer Park, Space C.
She can usually be found at Wal Mart in the lotion section and every Thursday she goes to Bob's Big Boy and has a triple decker bacon cheeseburger with pork rinds on top.

(image removed)

That's her, right there.

If you see her, feel free to pinch her really hard on the arm or steal her tupperware. She deserves it. The big bully.

Mean Girls vs Shut Those Bitches Up

In a recap: over on Goodreads (and the Amazon forums and blogs everywhere) people post reviews (opinions) about things they've read. Some of those reviews are not stellar. Some are snarky. Some are thoughtful. But they all say something like  no likey, me not recommend.

So the authors who check out what's being said about their books get their feelings hurt. And they respond. And then they get sucked into defending their preciouses against these mean girl reviewers (some of whom are teenage girls) and they get their readers and fans involved and it becomes a huge fuck-fest.

So a group of anonymous somebodies (probably writers whose feelings got hurt) started a website to stop the goodreads bullies.

Oh, are you thinking the bullies are the authors who pile on a teenager who wrote that a YA book didn't work for her? No, the bully in this situation, according to these fuckwits would be the teenage girl who posted that she didn't like a book.

Yeah, you got it. Having an opinion (and a vagina) makes you a bully, a mean girl, and a bitch who needs to be brought to shame.

WTF?

Stacia Kane's Amazing Response

The stop the bullies site is scary ass scary since they're posting personal information of the mean girls, real names, photos, where they work, places they go. I mean, are they begging someone to cause harm? Is this legal?

It isn't ethical. It isn't right. And it's so woman-hating as to be absolutely scary.

This ties in with the Tosh news about the comic suggesting a woman heckler get gang raped.

Daniel Tosh Thinks Rape Is Funny

I'm trying to get my mind around this right now. It seems that everywhere we turn it's all about attacking women for having opinions. For not being nice. A woman with a potty mouth or a strong opinion about something and God help us, a woman who stands up for herself, must be put down.

The thing is.... the woman who heckled Tosh probably should have just walked out of the club and not heckled. However, her calling out that rape jokes are never funny was not an invitation for the man on the stage to suggest she get gang raped "like right now".

It was an invitation to incite violence against a mouthy woman.

The Goodreads Hater Blog is an invitation to incite violence against mouthy women.

I'm scared. I think that unless we choose to get involved, unless we choose to be mouthy women and refuse to allow people to try to make us victims to shut us up... we will be silenced.

I don't know what we can do but I'm going to find out something. I can't sit back and say it's okay. It isn't.

These people are trying to get other people hurt because they want them silenced. We can't let that happen with our own silence.

We just can't.

Pinterest = Plagiarism

http://ddkportraits.com/2012/02/why-i-tearfully-deleted-my-pinterest-inspiration-boards/

This is a fascinating blog post by a lawyer/photographer discussing why Pinterest actually is a torrent site for copyrighted images.

I was so sad to read it and recognize that what she was saying was just sadness and horrible.

I love Pinterest. Everywhere you look there are recipes, beautiful pictures, home decorating ideas, beautiful pictures....

Beautiful pictures taken by an artist and not attributed to them nor are they paid for it.

I have one or two stories on torrent sites. Most I've found have been take down with a ceast and desist email but one or two just ignore it. It bothers me because I work hard on my writing and I'm happy to give it to readers if I choose to but not happy to have someone simply take it.

Pinterest is sadly the same.

I can't enjoy it anymore because every image I see now will haunt me with the idea that I just stole from someone.

My heart is heavy. I deleted my Pinterest acount also.

Reality Sucks, Unless It's Filmed

So I wasn't going to watch The Bachelorette this season because Emily's voice akes me want to strangle puppies and I have a low tolerance for that much sweetness. But I wanted to see the bachelors so I watched the first show and realized that Emily has something none of the other women have ever had: big balls.

Oh she's a wonder. She's Southern to a T, a real bless your heart kind of gal. But someone says the wrong thing and she's completely taking names and kicking 'em to the curb.

I lurve this woman.

And on HGTV's Next Design Star it's down to the final four and may I say yippee because 3 out of 4 of the finalists are black. And I'm hoping Hilari kicks it into high gear cause she's sweet and adorable and I'd watch a show she does. (But I think Danielle might win and that would make me happy also.)

My daughter has started to cook. So far it's been amazing and delicious. She made grilled cheese sandwiches, mashed potatoes and baked eggs (not as one meal.... these were different meals and different times). She wants to make fried chicken and I'm all for it. Yay and yum.

And on WWE recently it's been a real pain in the arse watching the emotional teenage angst of AJ. The writer's should be ashamed of themselves. Why they have these amazing athletic women and relegate them to nothing but an occasional conquest or bitch (as was the case with Eve) or teenager (please AJ, kick D-Bry in his pair and move the fuck along).

I truly would stop watching except once you've seen some of those bodies with the muscles glistening and the lumps of delight threatening to say hey, well, it's hard to turn away. I just want to know why Alberto Del Rio is the only wrestler with a package?

Official Release: Letters from Greece

5 Star Review

Today is the official release day for Letters From Greece.

It was exciting to see it on the front page of All Romance (yay). However, because there's always something.... the publisher sent the announcement of the book release and although all the promo wordage was for Greece, they put

as the picture.

And we're excited because the paperback is selling too. (Not a lot, but still, exciting!!!)

Ranty McRant Rant

So I saw this wonderful pic on FB this morning and it made me smile. But then I saw someone comment, saying "Exactly! They're both sales." and I bled inside.

Books aren't about sales. It's about telling a story and engaging a reader's mind. It's about disappearing from your life and into the world the author created.

Books are about bliss. Not about bucks.

So speaking of this, I just finished Scandal Wears Satin by Loretta Chase. There might have been some not quite stellar reviews of it. Might I suggest one reads the book and not the reviews.

Oh I loved it. I adored the hero, Harry and want one of my own. He was delightful. De-fucking-lightful. Oh my lord, I must must must squee.

Dear Loretta Chase,

I might not be your biggest fan despite my waist size but I want to have your love child, take out your garbage and marry most of your heroes. I want to be your best friend, your barista or bake you cookies.

I love you more than I love chocolate and that's a scary amount. I adored Sophy and her amazing scams, I loved Harry and his not-so-dim but not-very-smart self. I want a man to love me the way Harry loved Sophy and I want a declaration of love in such a wonderful way.

I want Clara's story more than I want to see George Clooney naked.

If you like, I will practice with a rapier until I can cut the heart out of a marauding turkey and then I shall cut the barely beating hearts of your detractors from their wizened chests.

Yours forever,

Lori the Lunatic

Hmm. Hope that didn't sound too fan girlish.

Personal note: I'm working on Book 2 of my Hollywood Heroes series and I realized that I didn't like my heroine. If I don't like her then the reader would hate her.

Delete. Delete. Delete.

Starting over. Gave her a dog too. Heh. Who said truth isn't fiction? Or vice versa?

Letters From Greece

They're on the run… To new lives and loves in Greece. Best friends Kate and Min are on the run to find a new life. Greece offers Min an escape from her abusive husband. Once there, they find a crumbling home, a run-down tavern and a Greek tycoon who has a soft spot for a faded Southern belle. A younger man catches Kate's fancy and, if they can survive an-almost ex who wants his wife back, they might keep their new lives and loves in this new country.

AMAZON

B&N

KOBO BOOKS

Available in ebook and paperback.



The Genesis of a Book

Lookie, lookie, lookie.

Lea goes through a lot of covers before the perfect one is found. This book is sort of a cosy mystery (very light on the mystery) that takes place in the 1920s. It's also a love story between a married couple.

Lea sent this first:

I decided I liked the first one with a smaller crown. So, then she decided to add some color and try out some different lighting - did I mention this takes place in Old Hollywood?

I really like the red but I don't like the lights.

I like the lights but the blue's a little dark- the gentleman's hat brim is invisible. There's still work to do on this cover, but I think it's shaping up well. I'm so proud of Lea.

I've heard, though, that 'cartoon' characters are no longer 'in'.  They do sort of make me think of chic lit, which this isn't, btw. It's a light hearted murder mystery, fluffy even, but with some dark moments and some dark depths to the characters. Everyone has coping mechanisms and Vivi and Carlos have found theirs.

So. Do these figures work for you? I can't find a male image I like; there's very few at all in this time period and no women that I think would represent Vivi well. This cartoon figure does. Frivolous on the outside, solid as a rock on the inside.

What do you think of when you look at this cover? Would you give the book a chance?

Dear Authors....

those of whom I friend on Facebook, follow on Twitter (okay, not that so much since Twitter is like meh to me), and those I see on Pinterest.....

cut it out!!

Oh my Gawd, you guys are annoying the shit out of me. You and your books and self-important twaddle. You know who you are. And you might not know that you're annoying the hell out of me but I'm here to tell you that you are. And I want it to stop.

Look, we're all in the same boat. We all got a book or books out and we're excited. We're authors. We're published. It means something to us and we want to put it out there. Yay us. Go team. Hip hip and a hoodle-doodle. Life is good.

So we promote. Some of us promote a little too much. I mean, yay you for having a new release and/or a backlist and I'm delighted for you, I am. But I'm not sure you understand that you're not Loretta Chase or La Nora or even vaguely interesting so re-announcing your release news every few hours with pics and sign up for your newsletter and all that is more than a little too much.

Oh yeah, and the picture thing. It's on Facebook and on Pinterest. It's those of you who find pictures of hawt men and post them and say "hmmm, think this coud be Joe in my book Nobody Gives a Damn?"

Well no, that's George Clooney, you ego-laden twit and he's not Joe except in your demented mind. And when you put pics of Clooney, Matt Damon, Channing Tatum or Tatum Channing (I don't know his name, I only know he's a pleasure to look at) and suggest they could all be Joe, well I want to suggest medication for your condition.

Having a book published is a great thing. Being proud is natural. But keep it in perspective. And in case you've lost perspective I'm going to give you some. Pay attention. There's a test later.

You got a contract for a book!! Yay. Celebrate. Call your best friend, your family, your dog walker, announce it on Facebook, Twitter and all social media. Then shut up. You get one announcement and that's all.

Edits are fun!  They sure are. Like some people get off on root canals and others like picking up dog poo. So go ahead and post a status. Doing edits on my Epic Vampire Magic Realism Romance. #editsarefun.  No more. One time only.

I'm a writer so I must write!  Okay, this one is a little more sticky. Because writing should be fun. And social media is about sharing the cool and fun stuff in your life. So your brilliant idea to do a story about three wedding planning sisters who fall in love with a vampire, a ghost and shape shifting naked mole rat should be okay to mention.

But see, there's got to be a little sense involved. The FB status I read this morning: doing edits on my werewolf and I have to write the blurb for Joseph and his amazing technicolor yawn before I finish my rough draft on Some Like It Not-So-Hot before I do book #17 of my incredible shrinking violets series. I thought she was a little full of shit.

On the other hand, I also read another writer mention another contract and that she has two signings set up and she was excited and I was excited for her. What was the difference? She was excited and sharing, not showing off how busy she is.

Remember: we really don't care. And if you're like me and have 300 - 3000 friends who you never met then maybe you don't want to appear boring. Or full of yourself.

Am I guilty of being a self-aggrandizing twit?  On occasion. I like to talk about how much I enjoy writing when I enjoy it and sometimes I mention that I should be writing but I'm not and I once mentioned my book idea about two BFF bloggers who spend their lives having hot, sweaty sex with gorgeous muscle bound men who are all cordon-bleu chefs who believe that foot massages are foreplay...

God, I just got myself turned on. Big time.

Look writers, here's the deal. Stop boring me. Stop making me want to hit you with a golf club. Be sensible. And never ever again post a picture anywhere that suggests a famous man might be a character in your book. Never. That's between you and your friends and I mean the ones you know. Otherwise the rest of us shall mock you.

Or put it on your blog. That's what we do.

You're warned.

My Pinterest Salad

This has nothing to do with anything but I wanted to show Carolyn so...

I saw this on Pinterest and looked wonderful. Mason Jar Salads. I didn't have mason jars but I had a spaghetti sauce jar so that worked.

Shredded lettuce, chopped a cuke, cried over an onion, grated cheese and carrots and made spicy ranch dressing (just ranch dressing mixed with bbq sauce).

The dressing goes on the bottom. Over that is onions, cukes and carrots. Cheese. Added black beans and corn. And then shredded lettuce on the top, away from the dressing so it will remain fresh and crisp.

In the fridge for tomorrow's lunch.