Understanding Predatory Behavior

There's been so much drama recently with GoodReads and on blogs and crazy bullying and stalking... and I found myself leafing through an old favorite book: The Gift by Gavin DeBecker.

In Mr. DeBecker's brilliant books, he explains how to recognize predatory behavior. He's a security expert as well as a man who grew up in a household where he had to learn how to recognize threats and survive danger (Mom was a heroin addict as well as violent and suicidal).

The behavior described in his books is a lot of what you can see online.

The inability to hear the word no. Go to Dear Author and read Will Sh*tterly's comments about his outing a woman blogger. He's completely incapable of hearing anyone say no to him. He twists the conversations, he mocks other opinions, he circles around and around and never does he hear someone say no to him.

He's completely incapable of understanding that the word can apply to him.

There's the YA writer on GoodReads who admits to being one of the GoodRead bullies on that horrible site and then talks about outing teenage bloggers who accepted a free copy of his book but didn't review it as promised.

This same shit-masquerading-as-a-man actually, apparently, was in communication with a female teen blogger who developed a crush on him. His adult attitude led to his tricking her. She refused to promote his book on her blog and her friends followed. Now he's going to out them.

So the very fact that he was in communication with an underage girl and then lied to her, doesn't bother him at all. And no matter how many adults show up to point out his reasoning is flawed, he can't hear it.

Because no doesn't apply to him either.

The complete and absolute misogyny of these men is frightening. And so fits the predator.

Gavin DeBecker does a brilliant job explaining all the behaviors to watch for and how to be aware. Once you have that kind of awareness it's fascinating to watch men at play.

I wouldn't let any of those men in my life or 100 feet near my daughter.

It's Thursday, It's Random

I'm exhausted. Can't see straight exhausted.

Summer vacation and the child is staying up till 2, 3, 4am and doesn't think twice about waking me up to show me something awesome on You Tube or even just to tell me that I'm the best mother in the world.

Child at 2am, with nudges in side: Mom, Mom! You got to see this. It's a one legged cat on You Tube dancing the marimba.

Me: mumbles incoherently

Child: I love you so much, Mom. None of my friend's Moms will watch You Tube videos with them like you do.

Me: Show me the damned cat. Oh my God! Do you see what time it is? Are you crazy?!?! Oh.... that cat is adorable.

So work then kicks my ass because our technician is gone on family bereavement and so my dragging ass is now doing his job as well as my own.

At least I have the internet to keep me warm.

That is if warm involves heat from the flashes of rage I feel with the continued harassment from the GoodReads freaks against the reviewers. And then Dear Author finally posted about it and it's over 500 comments strong and fascinating reading.

For the most part the conversation remains civil and intelligent. The usual trolls: Author on Vacation, Ann Sommerville. Some strange bitch who seems to equate swearing with bad manners and the end of civilization.

So the trolls try to derail the conversation and make it about them. Then there's the nimrods who don't like those darn mean girls and try to victim blame. Oh noes, that is so not going to happen.

The great thing is to see that the general community of romancelandia is pretty united in this. And it's awesome. Intelligent women are not going to be derailed from this. And this is one time that when the names finally come out as to who is behind this, they can expect to never see another book sale.

Other good news.... from the time I started this post to now, someone brought me chocolate. Life is looking up.

Stopping the Real Bullies

If it was just about reviews and authors being loud imbeciles, I frankly wouldn't give a flying monkey's hairy ass--we have seen that before, and for the most part we have forgotten the names of the idiots. They were special and sensitive snowflakes who had no perspective (book =/= your baby)

But the people behind the StGRb site are endangering the people they highlight. First they give you all this personal information about them, from residence to real name, and pictures. Then they tell you how these women are lowlifes who deserve whatever comes at them.

Do you think for a minute that there won't be people who will take that as gospel?

It has happened before--google Anita Sarkeesian if you want to see how far it can go.

So we need to do more than say, "authors should ignore reviews" and we should do much more than just say, "oh those authors are hypocrites and crazy and scary"

We need to highlight stories like these, and raise awareness that the more women shut up to avoid being the targets of this type of behaviour, the less freedom we have.

Yes, we have come far in the last fifty years, in most countries, but we have to keep fighting to retain at least a semblance of equality in our right to speak out--let alone to achieve, you know, actual equality (such as salary parity, etc.)

Those words above were said by AztecLady in the comments about the GoodReads Bullies and I wanted to highlight it. Because this is exactly what it's about.

Right there. Pay attention.

This plays into the the socialization of women. We live through emotions and so we see someone we don't especially like and we process it through emotions. So Ridley annoys me and I think she's rude. Someone else experiences her rudeness/bluntness as a personal attack and then the drama begin.

I know Ridley isn't a bully. But the person who feels attacked then does the **sobs** and the "I've been picked on" dance and then that feeds into the other person who feels picked on and before you know it...

snowballs into evil, Cruella deVille behavior the likes of which we haven't experienced since junior high school.

We need to stop relating emotionally to these situations and think for once like men do. You piss me off, I call you out on it when it happens. I don't stew and create drama around it. Or I learn that it really isn't personal at all since it's on the internet and not in my home and get over myself.

Everyone needs to stop looking at these train wrecks and being gleeful but instead go directly to site admin and tell them to close it down.

We need to show that we can stand together to protect the rights of mouthy women, bitchy women, women we might not like but who deserve to speak their minds and not be threatened for it.

If we don't defend each other, then who'll be there when we need defending also?

Outing My Amazon Bully

I've had plenty of time to think about it and I've decided that the truth must come out. I've been bulied on Amazon. And Goodreads. And well, everywhere. And I'm here to out the bitch that's done it.

Her name is Carolyn. Also known as C.L. McCullough. Or in the Green household, we just call her that red-headed bitch.

My story begins simply enough when I had my first book come out. It was an exciting time and the moment it was for sale, my dear friend Carolyn immediately went everywhere and posted 5 star reviews, as well she should.

But then she got her own book published. She became one of the special snowflakes. You know the ones. Suddenly full of herself. Bragging about her $15.00 royalty statements and her two reviews.

She turned on me as only a vicious bully could.

To talk about it causes me so much pain. But she must be outed. Her nefarious deeds have gone on too long.

She started leaving me 4 star reviews.

*sob*

Oh she had her handy excuses. She told me she thought I was a 5 star writer but she didn't want to be accused of sock-puppeting her best friend. She wanted to look fair,.

How fair was it that my best friend didn't post 5 star reviews everywhere, I ask you? How could she?!?!

I swore one day I would seek my revenge and so I shall.

Her real name is Carolina Moonshina McCullough
She lives in Shady Oaks Trailer Park, Space C.
She can usually be found at Wal Mart in the lotion section and every Thursday she goes to Bob's Big Boy and has a triple decker bacon cheeseburger with pork rinds on top.

(image removed)

That's her, right there.

If you see her, feel free to pinch her really hard on the arm or steal her tupperware. She deserves it. The big bully.