Monday Monday

 

The first time I saw this I was agog. I felt like so much of my life was explained right there. Functional freeze. How much time have I spent sitting on my couch or bed, in emotional freeze. Hours can go by and I'm stuck. 

I've experienced a lot of that recently also. Boxes surrounding me, a dirty apartment and my brain stuck in a loop of wanting to do something and unable to move.

This weekend I busted through it. Saturday morning I set a goal to just get garbage out and go to the dump. I had so many boxes, a destroyed cat tree; I needed too get it gone. Sometimes one of the hesitations is knowing that my body is going to hurt from doing certain things. Huge pieces of garbage dragged around was going to cause some pain. 

But I got my car packed. I headed for the dump. And I ran into the annual Merrie Monarch parade which closed off all the major streets and left me turned around and befuddled. I ended up getting back home and tossing the smelly garbage away and leaving the non-smelly stuff for later this week for the dump.

Then yesterday my energy was high and I started moving furniture. I'm redoing the entire apartment. It wasn't my intent to change everything but once I started I couldn't stop. 

Today I've been doing some stuff also. I seem to have found some of that energy I lost. My brain is sparking. I want to get things done. So off I go.

The thing is: it's all temporary. The brain is a funny thing and it's going to say no at some point and that will be the end of it. The energy will wane. I'll sit on my couch locked into a state of functional freeze because that's what I do. But now I know what it is. And I know it's temporary. 

Anyway, I'm going to move a chair. And then send a fax. We keep going because there are no other viable options. 

I just love understanding what's happening. It doesn't mean it ends but it does make it easier when it happens to know why.