Crazy For Crusie

Lori:

I don't know if everybody has a go-to book but I do and it's Crazy For You by Jennifer Cruisie. It's a paperback copy I've had for years and one that's been read again and again.

There are lots of Cruisie's I love but this book moves beyond them all, actually moves beyond any book and is my #1 reread.

Why? I hope I can do it justice as I try to explain.

On a gloomy March afternoon, sitting in the same high school classroom she'd been sitting in for thirteen years, gritting her teeth as she told her significant other for the seventy-second time since they'd met that she'd be home at six because it was Wednesday and she was always home at six on Wednesdays, Quinn McKenzie lifted her eyes from the watercolor assignments on the desk in front of her and met her destiny.

Her destiny was a small black dog with desperate eyes, so she missed the significance at first.

And so the story begins.

Quinn is a woman in her mid-thirties who has been in a relationship with the high-school coach but not really in love with him and then a dog shows up and changes her life.

Quinn leaves the coach (he deserves it because he takes the dog to the pound after Quinn decides she wants to keep it) and she decides to start getting what she wants. And what she wants is to buy a house, to have her dog and to be in a relationship with Nick, her ex-brother in law.

Everybody in Quinn's life tries to change her mind but she fights for the life she wants. And slowly they all start to question their own lives. And the world descends into utter chaos as her mother kicks her father out, her best friend leaves her husband, her favorite student decides to date the school jock and the coach goes slowly insane ina way that's sad and scary to read.

Because it's Jennifer Cruisie there's great humor with punchy dialogue, strong women and sexy sex.

But the reason it's my #1 best book evah is because I love Quinn to pieces, I love how the coach goes crazy and goes from benign to seriously creepy and dangerous in a believable way to the end where SPOILER... Quinn beats the shit out of him in the last stand because he tries to hurt her dog.

No joke. This book has it all and does it all so brilliantly.

Even the bad girl in the book who sleeps with married men is someone that you can understand and feel sympathy for.

I read this book again today and just writing about it makes me want to dive back into the story. It's just that good.


Carolyn:

I read this book some time ago and am in the process of rereading it now. It didn't have the same effect on me as it did Lori. I think my favorite Crusie is Bet Me.

This time round, I'm struck by the writing. Everything flows. I mean, just look at that first sentence. It's a long sentence, y'all! Don't see so many of them anymore these days. And it made perfect sense, was easy to follow and told us so much about Quinn. In just one sentence.

The thing about Crusie, is that she writes likeable protagonists. They all have their flaws, but there's really nothing kickass about them. They're normal, everyday people you'd like to call friend. Even the secondary characters. Except the coach, he made my teeth ache from the beginning and I started the book thinking Quinn TSTL for staying with him so long.

But it's a real pleasure to watch Quinn's evolution and it all started with a ratty looking black dog that only she seemed to love.

I think I'm about to go on a Crusie glom. :-)

Holy Moly!

I had a doctor's appointment today.

I gave up doctors several years ago for my mental health and physical comfort. I had doctors coming out the wazoo.

There was the doctor for the nether regions - and may I just say I'm sick and tired of poking my ass in the air while someone sits between my legs and pokes back.

Then there was the doctor that specialized in a small portion of the nether regions. He liked to put lights into my bladder, which neither I nor my bladder appreciated.

The eye doctor. Oh man, if you've got a child, please do encourage them to go into optometry. They'll make a killing. Most of that stuff isn't covered by insurance either and I almost fainted when I learned the cost of my new prescription lenses.

The EENT. I've learned to accept my sinuses without the intervention of the EENT. He wanted to send me for some damn expensive tests. Once I came to my senses, I cancelled them and bought some Chlortabs.

I have yet to go to the guy who wants to stick a light up my ass. Of course, I may regret this some day, but right now it's all good and I'm rocking along just fine.

Dentists. Oh geeze, need I say more?

The thing is, if you have a body part, there's a doctor that doctors only on that particular body part and even if you go to a GP, if said body part misbehaves, you can find yourself at a specialist and another doctor is added to the roll call.

When the hell am I supposed to work? Do these medical people think my boss appreciates all the time I'd have to take to keep them happy? I'm here to say he doesn't and neither do I.

Today's appointment? I'll live. ;-) Seems I'm depressed and need counciling and a mild antidepressant and lots of blood work. Even a sleep study!

*sigh*

Maybe next year when my sick time and vacation time start all over again.

I've Arrived!

Yes indeedy, I done got pirated.

Got a google alert for 666 Angel Lane and I went over to check what it was and heck and hell, it was a download forum. Yup, illegal downloads.

My publisher sent me a form letter which I sent them and it came down immediately. I was so excited though. I done got robbed.

On another note: Carolyn took a look at the site and said they had pics of transgendered people having sex. Don't know how my writing fits that theme...

The Rake's Snake and His Trouser Trouble

So I've discovered that if you add flour to the sauce...

Speaking of saucy, my new book The Rake's Snake and His Trouser Trouble has the sauciest hero...

*****

And the mileage I get on my Hyundai...

Speaking of mileage, the heroine in my new romance novel, The Rake's Snake and His Trouser Trouble...

Get where I'm going with this?

Carolyn and I write books. We've both had books published. We'd like people to buy our books but... we refuse to be annoying about it. Why can't other writers follow the simple rules of not promoting every fucking place they can?

When I'm reading an interesting thread on another peson's blog, its not a place where I want to jump in to promote my book. It's like pooping on their lawn. Take a crap in your own toilet and leave their lawn alone!

And by the way: if all you do on Facebook is promo yourself, I'm going to drop you. Unless you're Stephen King, you're only that successful in your own mind. Be appropriate!

I just get annoyed when I see a conversation taking place and some small fry author jumping in to mention their own bok. I'm beginning to think that it should be illegal to mention your own writing. And tacky. It's sooooo tacky.

And speaking of tacky, there's a really sticky situation that takes place in my new book The Rake's Snake and His Trouser Trouble. You should check it out.**

**no such book exists but it's a wonderful title if you want to steal it.

Oh No, They Didn't

My daughter Mollie and I are hooked on a show on the WB called Vampire Diaries.



It's a teen show about a bunch of high schoolers and there's vampires, witches, werewolves and now ghosts. It's drama out the wazoo and although I'm not a drama kind of girl, I LOVELOVELOVE this show.

So one part of the show is that there's a lot of sex. Everyone is falling in love and hooking up. The main couple, Elena and Stephen, are doing sleep overs. Elena's BFF Caroline started with vampire Damon, then good guy Matt and now is with vamp/wolf hybrid Tyler.

I never thought twice about all the sex until last night when they were staring their last year of high school. WTF!!

Now the actors are all in their 20s and look it. So I probably never thought twice about the sex because they all look old enough to be hooking up (some look old enough to be parents). But on the show they were juniors in high school and sleeping around. All of them.

I was so upset. Upset with myself for not recognizing the age of the characters. Upset that there are programmers out there who think it's appropriate to have a show with high school juniors (and sophomores) sleeping around and spending the night at their lover's homes. Upset that there are parents and guardians on the show who are concerned that their kids are paranormal but don't give a damn that they're sluts.

I think we're done watching. I'm so disappointed with the show for not being clear of the character's ages. And the morals being so down the toilet. This is not what I want my daughter thinking high school is.

Ecstacy by Bella Andre Wasn't Ecstatic

I don't know much about Ms. Andre but she was one of those self-pubbed authors who lit the Amazon world on fire. Ecstacy was one of the titles, I guess, that put her over the top.

Now I'll admit that I got it awhile ago as a free read and I wasn't too interested. But a few weeks ago I read one of my Kindle free reads (by Jil Myles.. a Surviver take-off whose title has currently escaped me) and I loved it so I thought good free read luck was smiling down on me.

Instead I got a badly written porn book about two porn writers who write badly written porn. I'm sure there are people who'd love this book but gads, why?

The H/h both write erotica. The hero is a successful erotic writer who's apparently good looking, rich and can't get a date. The heroine is a writer who has decided to try erotica and she's never had a man bring her pleasure.

Oh yeah, a woman who finds sex disappointing wants to write about it. Go figure.

Anyway, the hero mentors the heroine which includes giving her multiple orgasms during their first mentoring session. And then she writes about it. And everytime they get together they have sloppy sex and then she goes home and writes about it. Badly.

Don't read this book. Seriously. Badly written, lousy sex and not even decent enough to be tongue in cheek.

I give it three Mr. Yuks.

'Tis the Season

Yesterday, my husband made his traditional trip to Walmart. Don't get me wrong, he goes to Walmart lots of times during the year and for a variety of reasons. But October is special. October is candy shopping month.

It's become a tradition at our house. John always buys the Hallowe'en candy. Lots and lots of Hallowe'en candy.

I have my suspicions. Yes indeed, I've had them for years. I think John is using Hallowe'en to satisify his secret, hidden love for chocolate.

It sounds so metrosexual, to love chocolate, and my John is at the opposite end of metrosexual. He's nothing if not macho. He comes complete with hunting rifles and fishing lures, even if it's been awhile since he's used them.

He buys enough chocolate to sink the Lusitania. It supplies him with chocolate bliss for months after Hallowe'en. He keeps one bag of goodies by his chair and treats his candy like medicine sometimes. Take the heart pill. Follow with a piece of candy. It can last him for months!

The strange thing is, when his Hallowe'en candy is gone, then that's it for the rest of the year. He goes cold turkey until next Hallowe'en.

The trick or treaters? Screw them! Not really, they get their treats. There's plenty. Plenty, plenty, plenty! And John loves the little kids that come calling, has conversations with them and their parents, tries to guess who's behind the mask, compliments them on their costumes. John loves Hallowe'en, because he gets to play like a kid and he also gets lots and lots of chocolate.

You've heard of southern eccentrics? You've just had a peek into the life of one of them.

Seeking a Title

So we have a book of six short stories. Two written by Carol, two by me and two by Lea. Lea's are more erotic... mine has one straight out erotic and one funny and Carolyn has one with a cat and one supposed to be erotic but it's amusing.

Right now our titles in contention are: HEA ANONYMOUS
RANDOM SHORTS
SHITTY WRITING BY UNKNOWN AUTHORS
SHORT, SWEET AND SEXY
IN HIS SHORTS
SHORT IS SWEET

Need some feedback, please.

Oh, Shut the Hell Up Already!

Ye Gads, but I love the internet. Only on the internet can people who might be really sane. smart folks start to look like little more than babbling idiots fighting over a whole lot of nothing.

I just finshed reading the bad Sarah thread over at Smart Bitches. Bad Sarah is the Sarah who is a popular blogger, a published author, a media expert and now is in business with Jennifer Cruisie's daughter doing something that I can't be arsed to remember what it is.

Good Sarah would be the Sarah who keeps the Smart Bitches site running and doesn't look more successful than her detractors.

Oh those detractors. They do love the chance to pile on, don't they? But then, don't most? Oh there slight odor of a possible scandal and before you can say "The rake's playing with the upstairs maid again," you have a bunch of women flexing their typing fingers and frothing in anticipation of attack.

The more popular/successful you are, the crazier they get.

Sarah happens to be one of Carolyn's favorite bloggers. Can't say that I blame her. Smart, Jewish, lover of romance. Why, she'd almost be me if she didn't live in Jersey and be less successful. A lot less successful. Okay, she's nothing like me. Sheesh.

And Sarah is friends with the evil Jane from Dear Author who is smart, Asian and a lawyer which is almost like my daughter except 10 year olds rarely pass the bar. They can't even drink at the bar. And rarely can they even see over the bar. So they're not even alike either. Except they're female and Asian. (Although Mollie is Chinese and I think Jane is Korean although she might also be a Jewish woman in Jersey for all I know.)

So beyond all this rambling was a total love of watching a bunch of women act like fools because they envy Sarah her accomplishments. I mean really. She's a fucking blogger for Jehovah's sake, people, not a brain surgeon. Which isn't to say that she isn't a brain surgeon because I have no fucking idea what else she's accomplished in her life and brain surgery is a distinct possibility. Although if she were an orthopedic surgeon maybe she could check out my knees.

Carolyn told me that all that kneeling would come to no good one day.

So what's my point here? Damned if I know anymore. It might be something like nobody really knows anybody on the internet and giving a rat's ass what a couple of women bloggers do is a waste of time, emotion, and good sense. But enough about me and Carolyn...

Song of Life

Got the line edits back for Song of Life late last night.

I want to bang my head against the wall. Multiple times.

I know they're making the story tighter. I know they're making me a better writer. Doesn't matter. Enough time had passed I was feeling like I'd got that puppy put to bed.

*sigh*

I just skimmed the whole file last night, but there are some big changes coming. I lay awake for quite a while trying to fit the puzzle pieces together, even got back up and opened the file again but didn't dare to start in. It was already 12:30 am and a work night.

So, here I am at 6:00 a.m, bleary eyed and longing to get at the rewrite. Instead I have to go to work. Bah!

The bones of the story are still there. The way it is told is changing. And I fucking HATE pov!!!! Also, I've been put on an adverb diet.

But I have a great cover. *grin*

Falling in Love Again

Can you write romance without falling a little bit in love?

Last night I was ordering my Amazon Fresh groceries (remind me to do a blog post about the embarassment of living my life via Amazon) and I looked up and saw I could order a DVD of my favorite wrestler with my groceries. And I did.

So I got my cat food and my ketchup, I got Cupcake Royale cupcakes and corn on the cob and lettuce and croutons and Edge.



So between a playdate with Alvin and Saturday afternoon swimming, I've watched a little Edge and wrote a little romance and wondered if the feeling of bow-chicka-wow-wow is necessary for writing.

I don't know exactly. I do know that a little of that shivery feeling of lust doesn't hurt.

A Generic Blog Post Because Carolyn Threatened Me

She told me if I didn't write a blog post, she'd withhold all the Spaniards.

So generic blog post.

Subject: writing.

Yes, been doing some. Unfortunately it's an angsty m/m story that has dirty sex and unrequited love.

Subject: life.

Yes, been living one. Real ups and downs. Ask me about my car adventures. Better yet don't. Not unless we both have some valium.

Subject: children.

My ten year old asked me how many men I've slept with. Seriously. She did. I told her we'd discuss that when she's much older. By that time I'll be much older and have alzheimers and therefore this conversation can be avoided.

(Between you and me: more than 20 and less than 70.)

Subject: work.

Ah, yes. New job. Small office. One doctor, one tech and me. We all have kids, we all are older than 30 and 2 of us have slept with lots of men. Just sayin'.

Subject: reviews.

Woot!! Read below. Happy dancing here.

Subject: Letters from Greece.

Ah yes. Carolyn and I wrote this novel, took us over two years to complete it. But we did. We sent it to Carina and after 3 months they've finally written us and told us they're no longer accepting women's fiction.

Thank God I don't own a flame thrower.

Okay: generic blog post done. Back to you, Red.

And Another One

http://www.bittenbybooks.com/39899/666-angel-lane-by-lori-green/#comment-331178

I'd kill for a review like this. So happy for you, Lori. ♥

Check This Out, Y'all

http://rosaliestanton.blogspot.com/2011/10/you-wanna-know-whos-awesome-lori-green.html?zx=85634ba724e56ea3

One day, one review, at a time, Lori. ♥

Release Day - for real!

http://www.lyricalpress.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=81&products_id=430