Dear Carolyn,

Well, I'm looking forward to seeing our Kindle account. I don't think I'll ever need to buy another book as long as I live, thanks to you.

I had lunch today with Clark and we discussed your upcoming release of Lady Bea and the unfortunate need to publicize. I also told him about that recent author meltdown with all the fun loving drama on blogs and Twitter and now Amazon.

Oh Carol, do you know where this is going?

Clark has volunteered to be your nemesis. Wasn't that sweet of him? He'll start a blog and do some reviews that nobody will read and then he'll review Bea and give it three stars. You can go over there and f-bomb him a few times and you'll be famous.

We also decided to make it more amusing for the masses: the fight needs to go to Twitter also. We're planning our insults already. Well, yours can consist of fuck you and a few those who can't write: review.

The best thing about this is the hundreds of people who will show up and say that they'll never buy your book because of your behaviour. You can respond that you don't want or need some plebian minds reading your book anyway.

So what do you think? Clark is sharpening his pencil as we speak and coming up with headlines. My favorite so far? The Seduction of Lady B was a Definate C. And you know what you say? Fuck you.

Isn't being a writer fun?