Sweet Caroline

Lori likes Tessa Dare stories.


I like Tessa Dare covers.


I guess that's what it is, because I keep buying them and why not? Beautiful covers. A blurb with a hook and a really good sounding plot. Hope springs eternal, as they say.


Then I get to reading and ... it's another DNF. The first book of hers I read, Goddess of the Hunt, the heroine Lucy was an idiot. The book was a DNF for me, my very first one.


I just tried her newest, Romancing the Duke and ... the same thing happened. I couldn't stomach anymore of the sweetness and light of the heroine and the out-of-era things like reenactments (not actors, everyday people reenacting a book). The plot was turning into a farce before my very eyes.


Dare's books are so treacly sweet; so much so that my doctor wanted to do a fasting glucose test on me after I'd read one. Her books have won lots of awards and she has beaucoups of fans, so I know it's just me, but some of her characters make me roll my eyes. And gritting is bad for your teeth, so my dentist says.


I must be one of those people who like angsty books. Or perhaps I'm one of those people who prefers their historical characters to act within the precepts of their era. Dare's characters read too modern to me and usually her plots too.


I hope Lori is enjoying these books. I'm going to have to get myself in hand and quit buying them. Even an old fart like me can learn to say no.


Eventually.

Under Locke by Mariana Zapata

Carolyn and I have been enjoying books about Motorcycle Clubs recently and Under Locke is one she picked up and I recently started.


It's a DNF for me.


There's two huge problems with it. The formatting is bad so I'm just annoyed. But the other thing is that she's a good writer but nothing is happening in the book. Even when something happens it's so ho-hum that it feels like nothing happened.


I had to stop reading because as good as Ms. Zapata's writing is, boredom is never a good choice to leave your reader with.

Kaleidoscope by Kristin Ashley

I am a self-confessed KA fangirl. Utterly pathetic about it too. I could reread Motorcycle Man a dozen times probably and enjoy it as much each time. So a new contemp. by KA had me all aflutter, a twitter and a-whee!

What a fucking disappointment.

This story is Jacob Decker and Emme. Deck was in the book about Chace and Faye, another one of those big, strong men who work the law enforcement in the shady ways but mostly legal. He’s 7 foot 4, 390 pounds of solid muscle and his dick is 14 inches long when limp.

He’s also a genius. We know he’s a genius because Deck and Emme constantly remind the reader that he’s a genius. As if a woman would need reminders that Deck is a genius because of things like this:

“Now, layin’ this shit out for you, I fucked up,” he continued. “In a big fuckin’ way that I been dealin’ with since summer. Hung up on a bitch, and Emme, honey, I know you two were once tight and women don’t like men referrin’ to women as bitches but there’s no denyin’ what Elsbeth pulled this summer exposed her as just that. I thought she was what I wanted and my only shot at gettin’ it and to be the man I felt I needed to be, I’d selfishly let that go. I been kickin’ my own ass about that for fuckin’ years then kickin’ my own ass when it hit me that I shouldn’t have been.”

Fuckin’ A, that man’s a genius. Why, he’s like the Doctor Ruth and Miss Manners of giganto Colorado tough guys.

So KA pulls every Colorado couple she’s ever written about into this story and suddenly we’re treated to the big haired crowd of heroines who have all been kidnapped and had their lives threatened because of the big dick brigade. But wait: KA has a kicker in this story… Emme was kidnapped as a child and because of that she has emotional issues.

Spoiler:  Later in the book a woman gets kidnapped and Deck freaks out and calls out the big dick brigade knowing that it was Emme but she’s at work ordering Mexican food so red face for Deck!!

What else? Well, they have sex about 100 times and Deck lets Emme know he’s into a little kink but then they never do show any kinky stuff except that Deck likes to treat his dick like a battering ram and his woman like the wall he’s battering through. Good times!

And Emme is an independent woman who has to face the fact that her man is a genius and almost always right and she’s a little woman and almost always wrong and if he hadn’t come into her life and battered the hell out of her vagina with his battering ram of love, she’d still be all disconnected and unhappy.

And he’s such a romance hero:

He pressed his hips into hers, she stilled and he growled, “That went a lot faster than I reckon you were ready to go, but doesn’t matter. This is where we are now and this is the beginning. And don’t piss me off by stayin’ angry when you now know you got no call to be and tryin’ to push me away by tellin’ me that wasn’t as hot and fuckin’ great for you as it was for me because I won’t believe you.”

Awwww, my heart went pitty pat.

Anyway, reading what I just wrote I realized that maybe this was KA’s tease to her loyal readers. Kind of a tongue in cheek way of showing us that this is what her writing would look like if it was done by a heavy handed, uncaring author. So we should appreciate what she can do because if we don’t, there might be more books like this one.

DON'T BUY THIS BOOK!!!

Song of Life

Amazon

Mariposa

Lyrical was acquired by Kensington and is now their ebook outlet and I got my rights back since my books evidently don't have enough sex and they did absolutely nothing to promote them. So we've been making new covers for them (or Lea has, with Lori and I driving her crazy)

Lori's got Mariposa up on Amazon and here's a link if you want to check it out.

Amazon

It's at Amazon only for now, but we will be spreading our wings soon.

Thank you Lea for a beautiful cover. You are the best! And thank you Lori for your support and suggestions and executive decisions.  :-)

I'm going to post each cover as they're done and put up. I'd really like to get some feedback. Keep in mind Mariposa is a 'sweet' romance.

Scammed

I'm sure you've noticed the cost of food is rising, all due to that nebulous 'cost of living' excuse. Have you also noticed the amount of food you get for the price you pay is significantly less?


I first noticed it with Ritz crackers. We'd bought a couple of boxes and we still had one box in the cupboard. The new boxes were significantly shorter. They'd cut the number of crackers in a stack, but of course the price didn't change.


Toilet paper. Much narrower. Somehow it doesn't work as well, or is that just me? I haven't checked before and after prices but you're definitely getting less even if it's for the same price.

Bacon. I liked to buy the Hormel bacon with 4 slices in a microwave bag. It cooks in the bag; it's not just a warm up. I would have sworn when I started buying it there were 5 bags, each with 4 slices. Now there's 4 bags. Then the price went up $2.00 and I stopped buying it. I mean, TWO DOLLARS? I like bacon but... no, just no. A shame because there was less mess and it made damn good sandwiches.


I'm sure there's loads of other examples, but these are the ones that pissed me off and made me post a rant, lol. If you can add some more, I'd be glad of it. Maybe there's other items I need to boycott.

What Happened

to Dear Author?