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Friday, February 7, 2014

Kaleidoscope by Kristin Ashley

I am a self-confessed KA fangirl. Utterly pathetic about it too. I could reread Motorcycle Man a dozen times probably and enjoy it as much each time. So a new contemp. by KA had me all aflutter, a twitter and a-whee!

What a fucking disappointment.

This story is Jacob Decker and Emme. Deck was in the book about Chace and Faye, another one of those big, strong men who work the law enforcement in the shady ways but mostly legal. He’s 7 foot 4, 390 pounds of solid muscle and his dick is 14 inches long when limp.

He’s also a genius. We know he’s a genius because Deck and Emme constantly remind the reader that he’s a genius. As if a woman would need reminders that Deck is a genius because of things like this:

“Now, layin’ this shit out for you, I fucked up,” he continued. “In a big fuckin’ way that I been dealin’ with since summer. Hung up on a bitch, and Emme, honey, I know you two were once tight and women don’t like men referrin’ to women as bitches but there’s no denyin’ what Elsbeth pulled this summer exposed her as just that. I thought she was what I wanted and my only shot at gettin’ it and to be the man I felt I needed to be, I’d selfishly let that go. I been kickin’ my own ass about that for fuckin’ years then kickin’ my own ass when it hit me that I shouldn’t have been.”

Fuckin’ A, that man’s a genius. Why, he’s like the Doctor Ruth and Miss Manners of giganto Colorado tough guys.

So KA pulls every Colorado couple she’s ever written about into this story and suddenly we’re treated to the big haired crowd of heroines who have all been kidnapped and had their lives threatened because of the big dick brigade. But wait: KA has a kicker in this story… Emme was kidnapped as a child and because of that she has emotional issues.

Spoiler:  Later in the book a woman gets kidnapped and Deck freaks out and calls out the big dick brigade knowing that it was Emme but she’s at work ordering Mexican food so red face for Deck!!

What else? Well, they have sex about 100 times and Deck lets Emme know he’s into a little kink but then they never do show any kinky stuff except that Deck likes to treat his dick like a battering ram and his woman like the wall he’s battering through. Good times!

And Emme is an independent woman who has to face the fact that her man is a genius and almost always right and she’s a little woman and almost always wrong and if he hadn’t come into her life and battered the hell out of her vagina with his battering ram of love, she’d still be all disconnected and unhappy.

And he’s such a romance hero:

He pressed his hips into hers, she stilled and he growled, “That went a lot faster than I reckon you were ready to go, but doesn’t matter. This is where we are now and this is the beginning. And don’t piss me off by stayin’ angry when you now know you got no call to be and tryin’ to push me away by tellin’ me that wasn’t as hot and fuckin’ great for you as it was for me because I won’t believe you.”


Awwww, my heart went pitty pat.

Anyway, reading what I just wrote I realized that maybe this was KA’s tease to her loyal readers. Kind of a tongue in cheek way of showing us that this is what her writing would look like if it was done by a heavy handed, uncaring author. So we should appreciate what she can do because if we don’t, there might be more books like this one.

DON'T BUY THIS BOOK!!!



2 comments:

  1. You're wrong 'cause she said on FB that she was in love with Deck. :-)

    I started this book but just couldn't get into it and I doubt I'll finish it. KA should stick to motorsickles. Oh God, gotta read Tack again.

    ♥ ♥ ♥

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  2. You know, despite so many people raving about how much they enjoy her books, their reviews mention so many things that would drive me insane, that I have zero interest in trying anything by her.

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