Wednesday, June 20, 2012

We Get Mail

Oh, our inboxes runneth over. It's amazing the amount of mail we get. So I thought today I might share some.

Most of the mail begins quite sweetly. My Beloved.... I am writing to you with tears in my eyes as I am the last living relative of Jezumbabwalah Brazneedeshwahalah who died in a fiery plane crash....

I rarely read beyond that because I know that the poor dear is just going to beg for an autographed copy of The Bodice Rippers and the post office has banned me from the place till October because of that little box 'o dildoes incident. It so wasn't my fault they weren't properly off.

Then there's the really complimentary ones....  Dear Lori Green..... do you want to lose that belly fat now?

I know they just want an autographed copy of The Bodice Rippers but since they've hurt my feelings by suggesting I lose Henry (I named my belly fat, haven't you?), well I just can't bare it.

My favorite emails come from my biggest fans: The McCullough family. Here's a rough sample:

Bitch! I contacted the police and they'll be at your door momentarily. If you don't let my mother out of your basement, heads will roll. And I don't mean that the fun way!!

Bitch! Let Carolyn go! I need my supper!

Bitch! The first round of edits is in your email. Love, Carolyn.

Makes me feel tingly inside.

And because I promised naked men earlier, here's some pics.

I'm giving nothing away to any commenters because nobody comments. I might let Carolyn out of the basement later but then again, I might not.


  1. I don't want anything and I'll comment anyway.

    I still ahve that Keanu poster on my wall. I can't bear to take it down lol. And Channing... dear lord.

    Adam is a hottie - even if he's got more ink than my pen. Don't know the last one but does it matter?

    I think not.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Oh and if you want to keep Carolyn, I'll smuggle up some timtams for her :D

  2. Fuck that. Send Mollie Tim-Tams!!

    (Now I use that cleverly. Because Mollie is adorable so people want to give her things. Therefore Mollie gets presents of Tim Tams and Galaxy Bars and stuff. But Mollie doesn't check the mail and I do. And I have to check the stuff to make sure it hasn't gone bad, right?


    So therefore Mollie stays her gorgeous, little slim self and Henry and I are quite happy.)

  3. Funny you should mention Mollie and timtams... keep an eye out in the post :)

    Thanks for teh visual of Henry... :p

    I was actually going to smuggle them to Carolyn if she's going to be kept hostage. I'll have to think of something else. Maybe a SPanish Baritone in a cake will help get her out.

  4. I ain't beggin' for nuthin' either--sorry I don't comment more.

    It's sad, not having anything (even not-intelligent nothing) to say.

  5. I don't want to be saved. It's cool in the basement. :-)

  6. Ok then Carolyn, no saving for you. I will ahve to send the Senor somewhere else. At least I tried...


    AL, I don't have anything intelligent to say either normally, I just like to see my name online lmao. No, seriously...


  7. The Señor is welcome as long as he likes cool basements. :-)

    Actually a little heat might be okay - slippery, sweaty skin igniting passion the desire for a shower ...

    Nah, never mind. Thank you anyway tho. :-)

  8. Thanks for the visual...

    Now I need a shower, to scrub my minds eye out lol