We Get Mail

Oh, our inboxes runneth over. It's amazing the amount of mail we get. So I thought today I might share some.

Most of the mail begins quite sweetly. My Beloved.... I am writing to you with tears in my eyes as I am the last living relative of Jezumbabwalah Brazneedeshwahalah who died in a fiery plane crash....

I rarely read beyond that because I know that the poor dear is just going to beg for an autographed copy of The Bodice Rippers and the post office has banned me from the place till October because of that little box 'o dildoes incident. It so wasn't my fault they weren't properly off.

Then there's the really complimentary ones....  Dear Lori Green..... do you want to lose that belly fat now?

I know they just want an autographed copy of The Bodice Rippers but since they've hurt my feelings by suggesting I lose Henry (I named my belly fat, haven't you?), well I just can't bare it.

My favorite emails come from my biggest fans: The McCullough family. Here's a rough sample:

Bitch! I contacted the police and they'll be at your door momentarily. If you don't let my mother out of your basement, heads will roll. And I don't mean that the fun way!!

Bitch! Let Carolyn go! I need my supper!

Bitch! The first round of edits is in your email. Love, Carolyn.

Makes me feel tingly inside.

And because I promised naked men earlier, here's some pics.

I'm giving nothing away to any commenters because nobody comments. I might let Carolyn out of the basement later but then again, I might not.