Lea's Chick-Lit Life

Being BFF’s with Cami is hard word. Not in a bad way of course and I wouldn’t change her (much) but the seriously, the woman is so damned hard to keep up with!

Oh, I’m sorry. You’re probably wondering who Cami is. It’s my nickname for Lori. She changes more often than a model at a Milan fashion show so I think of her as a chameleon, adapting and trying to blend in with life around her. It’s for this reason I’ve given her the nickname chameleon or Cami for short. Of course she doesn’t like it so I only use it behind her back or whip it out during an argument, of which we have plenty.

Like the barney we had recently over my new haircut. I went from waist length hair to a pixie cut...

 

(don’t you think I could be a movie star too?)

 

... on the advice of my other BFF (we’ll get to him). Lori told me flat out she didn’t like it and that it made me look like a 12 year old boy. I snapped back that she was jealous because she couldn’t pull the look off, with her big trouty (yes, I mean trouty and not pouty) lips. Thankfully she saw the funny side and laughed.

It wasn’t until we had dinner a couple of nights later and her ex ordered the salmon and Lori gave me a dirty look that I realized perhaps it wasn’t so funny. Still, what’s a bff for if not to rubbish, ridicule and put down occasionally when the rest of the time it’s nothing but a love fest?

And I do love her, nutty as she is. Having said that though, I still don’t want to live next door so I moved 22 minutes away to good ol’ Berkeley.

 

Also, the hills in San Fran play havoc with my calves. At least that’s what I told Lori when she asked why I was moving.

My job as an assistant to the assistant of the assistant editor at the local paper is dull and boring and if not for the handsome new reporter...

 

...I’d probably give it away and go back to being Cami’s assistant icer.

The state of my love life is hazardous at best. My BFF (the other one)...

 

... and former BF ran off and married some Australian girl with long hair, after having told me he liked girls with short hair. I cut mine for him but I guess he didn’t want to get back together as much as me and I must have misread the signals.

Lori tried to be sympathetic but she’s never liked him. Claims his penchant for all things Pirate and his need to surround himself with short people and always going on adventures made him a bad choice for me. Oh well. It doesn’t matter; I’ve moved my sights to the handsome new reporter.

There is a guy in my apartment building, a lawyer, who seems to have the hots for me but to be honest, he’s a lawyer. I’m not that desperate for a date! Shame though, ‘cause he’s kinda cute.

 

Next time he pops in with his dazzling smile and pretends he wants to borrow something, I might just let him!

Maybe I should call Cam... Lori. She’s never shy about offering her advice and although I tend to ignore it mostly or tune her out, she does have the odd sparkle of insight that’s just what I need. I just hope I don’t have to go to her house. Those hills really are murder on the calves!

My All-New, Romance Novel Life

I've become exhausted and dismayed with my life. I want to live a romance novel life. So I've decided that as of now, I shall.

To begin, I want to live in San Francisco because it's my favorite place on earth.

This is my new house. I'll need to work out the parking problem though.

Since I love to be in the kitchen, I'll have a new job

Yes, I now have a cupcake shop.

By the way, I look a little different now.

Man, I should be a movie star.

My ex-husband is a Spaniard. He refuses to let go.

I might change my mind about him but until I do I have a boy toy.

So that's my new life.

Meet you between the pages.

My Anti-Romance Stance

I couldn't find a way to link to it but on Goodreads I read a review Jane Litte (from Dear Author) did about a book where the hero threw out casual misogynist statements and the heroine would become quiet when he did but still lust after him.

Do normal women lust after men who don't really like women?

It reminded me of my first Harlequin experiences. I had somehow signed up for a monthly Harlequin book club, oh, many years ago. I received (if I remember correctly) three HQ books a month. At the time they were all similar in that the heroines were all British, all young, all working for older somewhat brutish men who treated them badly and then at the end of the book professed their love. The heroines were all spineless and confused and I hated them. The heroes were assholes and I hated them.

I didn't remain in the book club for long because I obviously had a hate-on for most of what I read. But it created a rich and textured fantasy of a book I wanted to read:

The hero is a Harlequin brute. He accuses the heroine of heinous deeds and being too sexually sexual. Yet he punishes her with punishing kisses and odd groping. She really doesn't like it and so she begins to avoid him. She changes her phone number so he can't call. She moves to another state. She becomes successful in her career and has a good life.

Then something happens and the brute finds her and needs her to save the ailing business (something their fathers started together or you know....). His solution is that they'll get married and he'll take over the business and she'll be his wifely doormouse. She tells him to go to hell. He acts like a Harlequin brute.

She ends up stealing the business away from him by being a better businesswoman and doing things right. Then she marries his kind younger brother. And the next time he tries to punish her with a kiss she knees him in the groin.

God, I feel better having written that.

Destroying Beauty

I was in the grocery store today buying chicken, cheese and chips (my daughter's three main food groups) and I was waiting to check out and glanced at the magazines:

On the cover of In Style is Amanda Seyfried and Glamour is Zooey Deschanel.

I wish the picture was better because I swear, I know both these actresses and like them both yet didn't recognize either of them from the covers. They were air-brushed so completely that those things that make them both interesting were gone completely.

I felt disheartened. I especially like Zooey Deschanel because she's quirky and cute but on the cover of Glamour, she's a fucking Barbie. And Seyfried? Any other Hollywood starlet. All the life brushed right off of her and she looks boring.

Is this what someone thinks sells? If they'd put Z.D. on the cover in bunny pajamas, I'd be more inclined to pick it up. And Seyfried as pretty as she is, belongs natural.

But it got me thinking about what women (you know, the ones who buy these magazines) really think of beauty. I know my own ideas are not so out of the ordinary. I admire a truly gorgeous woman (Elizabeth Taylor, Angelina Jolie, Catherine Zeta Jones) but I wouldn't go out of my way to pick up a magazine or read an article about them. Whereas Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, Zooey are women I think are pretty but not gorgeous and interesting and would read more about them.

I know Madison Avenue has been trying to sell a certain type of beauty forever. I just wish we'd stop buying it and demand that they recognize beauty comes before airbrushing.

Let women look like women. Let stars be natural. Don't tell me that Barbie is the pinnacle of pretty. You might get some of my money. Then again, probably not. I'd rather read Better Homes and Gardens and look at pictures of kitchens.

Oh well.

Ideas for Jill Mansell: Because I Love Me a Challenge

So yesterday I saw that the rather kind and lovely Jill Mansell responded to my post about her book, Rumor Has It and she mentioned that she's written/published thirty books and is running out of ideas.

Oh dear. Now anyone who has spent any time knowing us old farts knows that I'm considered the idea lady around here. After all, I was the one who came up with the infamous idea of the cojoined circus twins who find their HEA in the apt named High Wire Honeymoon.

And don't forget the brilliant collaboration that Carolyn and I did called Wrapped Up Romance that took place in the sexual disease clinic (Carolyn wrote that brilliant line: "But doctor, I thought a hymen only belonged to Jewish people and I'm Catholic!")

So as a courtesy to Jill Mansell, we offer ideas for Chick Lit novels that she may use or discard at her own discretion.

Bedtime for Bozo: in which Ronald Reagan historian Jane Whymen falls in love with a clown. Her parents don't understand but her best friend envies her new make-up color palette.

Breakfast at Tiffni's: Tiffni opens a bed and breakfast but discovers that she's infested with bedbugs. Everyone tells her to call an exterminator but the sight of Buzzy Pupils with his spray gun turns her insides to jelly. So instead she turns her B&B into a bug and breakfast and ends up engaged to Tom Thumb, an arachnaphobe.

Everyone Says I Love You but Only the Mailman Means It When He Wants You To Sign For a Parcel: Hell, I just like the title.

Sally's Secret: Hint, her name isn't Sally.

The Amazing Adventures of Two Old Farts in Romancelandia: Okay, limited readership for this one but imagine the fun. Missing dentures, chasing after cute doctors but having to stop to pee. There can be the fun of broken hips, loss of memory and the ever enjoyable viagra mishaps. Then again, since this is my current life....

So despite my willingness to be a total ridiculous mess, I do love the chick lit genre and especially that it's a lot more humorous and female positive than straight romance. I love authors who are willing to accept that their books are not their babies and accept a little needling. I love that my embarrassment of being caught with my pants at half mast doesn't stop me from pulling them all the way down (I do it to make Carolyn laugh).

And if anyone wants to use any of the above ideas, you may. But Clean Sweep, where Sassy Struthers falls in love with her garbageman Eddie Passmethebreadma, despite her parent's habit of hoarding old shoelaces and filling their truck with kleenex boxes, discovers that true love means never having to apologize for having roaches under the sink.... well, that one's mine. Nobody understands sanitation as well as I do.

Jill Mansell: Chick Lit Done Right and Done Wrong

There was a recent sale on Jill Mansell titles and between Carolyn and I, we got a few. I'd read some previously and was lukewarm on what I'd read before. But a good sale and chick lit are a siren's call to me so what the hell.

I just finished Rumor Has It and thought it has the best and worst of what chick lit is.

Pro: it's a romance.

Pro: The women have careers.

Con: Men are more important than careers.

Pro: Gay ex.

Con: Gay ex.

Con: The hero was engaged previously and she died in a drowning accident. The reason it's a con is because his name is Jack and the dead fiance was Rose (you know, Jack and Rose from Titanic and Jack drowned). (Made me slightly nauseous.)

Pro: More than one couple and they all had an HEA (except the one gay guy. And the bad girl who died from cancer.)

Con: No HEA for the gay guy and the bad girl was funny but got killed off.

Pro: I really liked the best friend and her romance.

Con: I liked the best friend and her story more than the heroine and her story.

Still, I enjoyed it. It was a quick and fun read and the emotion wasn't deep. The humor was good. I'll be reading more Mansell books but not expecting too much from them.

Kiss of Steel by Bec McMaster

When Nowhere is Safe


Most people avoid the dreaded Whitechapel district. For Honoria Todd, it's the last safe haven. But at what price?

Blade is known as the master of the rookeries—no one dares cross him. It's been said he faced down the Echelon's army single–handedly, that ever since being infected by the blood–craving he's been quicker, stronger, and almost immortal.

When Honoria shows up at his door, his tenuous control comes close to snapping. She's so...innocent. He doesn't see her backbone of steel—or that she could be the very salvation he's been seeking.


The book is well worth the shower of stars it has received. I enjoyed it immensely and have great hopes for the next book in the series, Heart of Iron, due out in .. well, I don't know when it's due out actually, but I hope it's soon.

There were a couple of things that seemed familiar about this book. When the blue bloods were explained, the explanation involved a virus (not nanos) from the far East (the ruling family in China). This made me think of Meljean Brook and her Iron Duke.

Blue bloods are not quite vampires. They have incredible speed and strength, hearing, eyesight, and etc., etc. These attributes increase in strength as the virus builds in their blood until they begin to go into the Fade. Hair and skin bleach, they become dessicated and acquire a rotten smell and while they may have some sort of brain, there's not much of it left. They Turn and are fully vampire, wanting nothing but blood and destruction. This reminded me of Ilona Andrew's vampires, who themselves were such a change from the sexy, almost human kind so many authors write of these days.

There are twists and turns in this story that separate Ms McMaster's world from any other. The struggle between Blade and Honoria, for one. Stubborn, stubborn people who, thank God, can admit they're wrong. The subtlety of Blade's relationship with his men. The Darkness he fights daily, especially after he meets Honoria. His fear that he's near the Fade.

Honoria is a strong heroine. Intelligent, educated. Stubborn and determined. She stands up to Blade in her ladylike way and earns his respect as well as his lust. Watching these two turn lust into love while learning to trust each other, is a privilege.

It's a little confusing at the beginning of the book. The author doesn't infodump but instead incorporates the world building into the ongoing story, so it can be confusing. But I soon found my feet and sorted everthing out and off I went on a really grand ride.

I don't do good synopses, not even for my own books, so this is what you get, y'all.  It's worth the $1.99 at Amazon (I forgot to look at the other places) and for those who like steampunk, I highly recommend this book.


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