A Master Class ... in Me

How do I explain this?

I'm really feeling connected right now. I went through a period recently where I disconnected and was having problems caring about too much or feeling real in my life. I think that with the level of cruelty and incompetence coming from our government, it's hard to remain in a safe space in our own lives without compromising something.

So that's been a struggle.

Right now I've pretty much signed off of Facebook because that's been just too much for me to handle. I haven't closed my account because I refuse to lose my favorite bingo game but I don't go on except rarely and never make it through more than 2 or 3 posts. And usually I go only because my daughter wants me to like one of her posts.

I'm been using Twitter as a news source: I follow journalists and magazines and news sources. I choose to scroll through a lot and stop and read what matters to me. There's so much to be outraged by, so much to call our representatives about... you have to start culling through it.

I will not talk politics with my brother. I just won't. He can't/won't acknowledge how disgusting, immoral and dirty Trump is, then we can't talk. Until he acknowledges, I just won't do it anymore.

So I talk to Carolyn and I hang with my daughter and well, I lose weight. And I work a lot.

The weight loss is proving to be interesting and enjoyable. Weight Watchers has replaced my social media. I read people's stories, share their successes and difficulties and feel like I'm with my tribe. Beyond that though, I'm learning a lot about my body: how it processes food and emotions, what happens when I exercise and when I don't, what happens if I get enough sleep or not enough. 

I'm more aware of myself. And for the first time since becoming a mother, I'm concentrating on self care. Part of that is being with Mollie and being more present in her life. But part of that is saying "my turn" and making sure that I have what I need also. And I'm still learning what I need. 

This process is amazing. I'm changing my life and there's a lot of things that are evolving. I'm on hiatus from writing. I'm returning to reading slowly. It's important that I find books again that make my soul sing. My journaling is going to be going through some changes also with less regimentation and more creativity (I hope).

And I'm going to dance.