Saturday, June 4, 2011

Dear Lori

I was going to make this very detailed post, supported by actual opinions from actual people. But I lost the link, so I'm going to have to wing it.

Writing a sex scene is hard. Very few people can do it well. Very few.

I like me a good sex scene. But you know what will pull me out of one quickly?

The language used and the tone that's set. I don't need to be inside someone's head, but I do need a decent vocabulary. I hate when I'm reading along, and suddenly come up against a word that makes me go 'huh'? Or more likely - WTF??

What, you may ask, are some of these words? Well, pull up a chair darlin' and I'll see what I can remember. I know I've forgotten a bunch, some of which I won't remember until I come across them again. Maybe it will help if I list the body parts and any euphanisms for them I can remember.

Clitoris: Nub or nubbin. I hate this. Hate it! Don't care for clit too much either. It sounds too harsh for a très romantic love scene and anachronistic for an historical. Pearl of anything is a no-no. I'm sure there's more but damned if I can remember them. Feel free to remind me. Or not, lol.

Labia: I'm not suggesting the word labia should be used, no I'm not. However, I think petals of anything, or dewy petals, or swollen folds, or wet or dripping anything, should be avoided. So should the porn words, like c*** or pussy. Well, maybe pussy if they're talking dirty to each other in a contemporary, but not as a narrative or descriptive device. "Her pussy was wet with (word of choice).

As an aside, a woman's lubricant should not be described as creamy. It sets me to wondering if she needs a GYN.

Breasts: don't like boobs, not in a love scene - so unromantic. Ditto ta-ta's. Breast is a perfectly good word.

Penis: I don't know why, but prick sounds more porny to me than cock. I don't mind me some cock. Dick makes me think of our local bank manager, not a very romantic moment, believe me!

There's lots more. I hate I lost that link; it was to an Amazon romance forum thread and half the time I can't even find the damn forum. Okay, I can never find the damn forum unless it's featured under a book I'm looking at. Why do they hide the damn forums? How the hell do you get to them?

You may be wondering how I write sex scenes. Well, mostly I don't, and when I do, I concentrate on the emotions. The lurv finally expressed physically. Oh, there has to be a bit of thrusting or entering, but it's all very spiritual, lol.

What's your favorite orgasm phrase?

Carolyn dear,

I don't mind a nub so much but I do mind the sex-addled brains where all the H/h can think about is the need to do the dirty. No matter what they're doing they suddenly are in a lust so strong that it's like they've been possessed by nubs and creamy goodness (a good cole slaw is creamy goodness, sex isn't cole slaw.)

But seriously, the heroine is sitting in Granny living room during a quilting bee and she's thinking about being rammed with the hero's baseball bat of lurve while Granny is passing out pound cake and ginger ale... my mind boggles.

And orgasms! Oh my goodness, the orgasms!

Do not get me wrong, I'm all for a good orgasm. Hell, I'm all for many good orgasms. Screw an apple a day, I'll take an orgasm a day. Or even better, multiple orgasms a day. But I have to admit that I have yet to climax and pass out.

There's something so funny in how the heroine might have had orgasms before but never like it is with the hero. With the hero it's more intense, more colorful, she creams like a pie. Get the monistat folks, the heroine is coming!!

Sorry about my little added on rant. I need coffee and romance. Hopefully the only cream I see today will be in my coffee mug.

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