Sunday, March 14, 2010

Talking Men


So what exactly constitutes a romantic hero? Carolyn and I discuss this sometimes and haven’t come to any kind of agreement.

In paranormals the hero is always an alpha male who can look down at the puny 6-foot men. He reaches 7 feet, wears leather and a snarl, his hair is usually long and as much as he’s an absolute asshole, with the heroine he’s a softie and protective and always raging an eleven inch hard-on.

In a standard harlequin he’s ruggedly handsome. His hair isn’t pony-tail long but brushes his collar long. He can wear jeans and look like he’s in Armani. His grin is rakish, his penis averages ten inches and he’s good to his family. Usually that hero has a misunderstanding with the heroine of some sort and so there’s a bit of an asshole factor in effect.

In real life our heroes are … what? For me a good looking man is a pleasure but a funny man has a better chance of getting into my panties. (Despite rumors, not every man can get into my panties, there are one or two standards set.)

The heroes I like to write? I like to write men they way I know them. Not big-ass soppy romantics with Mom issues but men who are as messed up and looking for love as well as a woman, I suppose.

Are they betas? How do we measure it?

The most loving man I’ve ever experienced in my life is my brother. He’s minus a single judgmental bone and will love and accept you for exactly who you are. Now there’s a romantic hero. Of course it took him four tries at marriage to find a woman as awesome as he is. Is that romantic?

When I was being courted a few years back the gentleman in question brought me cheesecake and fans for my hot flashes. Romantic? No. But man, he knew what I needed.

What’s romantic anymore? The Bogarts of yesteryear are the Zac Efrons of today. Do we need them looking like movie stars? Is a bald man sexy? What about a middle aged, bald man?

Would Vin Diesal have been sexy to anyone had he not been a movie star? What about the Ah-nuld?

And if a man with a pot belly and a comb-over showed up at your door, what are the chances he could win your heart?


I don't mind me an alpha hero.

But make him a vulnerable alpha hero, and I'm a puddle on the floor. Lord Ian Mackenzie - need I say more? Christian in Flowers From the Storm. Sebastian in Lord of Scoundrels. *sigh*

I'm married to a tall, slightly pot bellied, bald male, with not even enough hair for a comb-over, lol. There's not a romantic bone in his body, but you know what? You learn to look for the little things.

He leaves the light on low in the bedroom when I come to bed late. He eats every piece of atrocious food I cook and asks for more. He never says a thing about all the books he trips over. He rubs my back and my feet when I'm feeling bad and he thinks a headache is backed up passion and insists on giving me relief. The weird thing is, it works, lol.

I read romances for things I don't get in real life, the grand gestures. But real life dudes, if they really care, don't need grand gestures.

And as I've aged, I've learned that looks are way, way down my list of 'necessaries' in a man. Personality and caring mean so much more and oh, btw, last sooooo much longer!


  1. Let's try this again shall we... bloody puter lol

    Good question ladies. And one which I doubt will be ever answered to 'everyone's' satisfaction.

    We all find different things sexy/romantic. Can you imagine a 'Weird Science' scenario where we take the best bits (personality and flaws included) and make an ideal man for the 'every woman'?

    I shudder to think!

    For me, the one prerequisite I always wanted was a uniform - didn't matter waht hte guy looked like. Well, it did but I've since gotten over that fantasy lol.

    I agree with Carolyn - it's the little things that count. they may not mean a lot to someone else but to you they're the difference. So he doesn't look like Tom Cruise but so what? Looks do fade and sometimes not in a flattering way (ie Mickey Rourke). Wouldn't it be a good feeling to know that your relationship is based on more than his long flowing tresses, tight leather pants and 12 inch 'love rod' that knows nothing of defeat?

    Me, I'd be happy to have someone who wants me for me - all Hobbit height, roundish, dumb as a post, weird sense of humour, 70's music loving me. If he can accept that then he can look like Joe Average as far as I'm concerned. Not that I would turn down someone who looked like Orli though...


  2. I could make a l-o-o-o-o-ng list of my husband's good points, but this story will make it all clear. When I started working at the Clinic, it was summer and the building was not air conditioned. Bill would come to get me after work with a can of my favorite brand of pop in a foil bag. He'd had to dig in the closet to find the bag. It was the only one we had and so he kept it safe so that I would have cold pop after work. He was a very good man!! MJ

  3. Going through hot flashes, a gentleman who was courting me would gather fans to place in my office at work. It was sweet.