Escorted by Claire Kent

Escorted by  Claire Kent

 

Well this book was an obvious read for me. It’s about a romance writer named Lori who lives in Seattle and hires a gigolo to take her virginity and teach her about sex. So it’s erotica, there’s some romance, a lot of Lori (heh) and man, not what I expected.

 

I remember when the book first came out and there was a lot of talk about it. It went into my serious TBR pile which meant the reviews were great and it promised to be a wonderful read. Huh.

 

This book was full of sex, ergo, making it erotica. And it was the least erotic writing I’ve read. So much pumping, stretching, wetness, squishy sounds and I wanted to just wipe them all up.

 

It wasn’t erotic.

 

I’ve been reading a lot of books recently and some have made me want to climb the walls, my ladyparts have been a quivering and a quaking. But this book which should have sent me straight under the covers to play hide and seek with my wee plastic willie instead was a real yawn.

 

Problems with the book: her ladypart was constantly called a channel. He stretched her channel, he finger throttled her channel, he drove his car onto a boat and then sailed her channel…

 

The dialogue was so stilted that I thought I was reading a regency written during that period. “Oh Lori, I have been flabbergasted by the depth and commitment of your channel guide.”

 

"My darling gigolo Anders, I am on the verge of coming. Will you pump your hips a full second faster and hasten my release?"

 

"Ugh....."

 

Okay, maybe the dialogue wasn't that bad but it was stilted as hell and always took me out of the story. Real people just don't talk like that.

 

Also, a little self-congratulatory shiz in the book was that Lori was like a 25 year old virgin romance writer who wrote 4 mega-successful romance novels under the pen name of Claire Kent (the author of Escorted). Sheesh. Not clever and stinks like 3 day old dead fish.

 

So this book was a mega fail on all levels. I want erotic romance that is both erotic and romantic.  I want better writing. I want my ladyparts to be on high alert.

 

I rate this a 2 out of 8 inches.