Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Mollie is the love of my life. I've been her mother for 10 years and 3 months, she was 9 months old the first time she was put in my arms. She was a brave and bold baby and quick to laugh. She was incapable of sleeping in a crib and slept with me from the first week we were together till now.
She says she'll sleep in her own bed when she's 40 and I have a feeling she might not be lying.
To try and explain our relationship I'd tell a story about the third week of our life together. We'd just gotten back home from China after being there for two weeks. The house was cold since we'd had the heat off while we were gone. It was one or two am and we got in bed and tried to warm up and fall asleep but we were cold and jet-lagged and there was no sleeping gonna happen.
So with my 10 month old daughter tucked next to me, I turned on the tv and started channel surfing. Somewhere I found a cartoon and Mollie turned to me and smiled, it was both an affirmation that she recognized what a cartoon was and also a smile that said Look at what we just discovered together.
I know that smile really well by now. We share it all the time from serious conversations about school or friends and those wonderful moments when we find something else that brings us both joy.
For all the years I spent looking for unconditional love, I discovered that it can exist between a parent and child. I would die for Mollie and I know she has terror sometimes when she imagines her life without me in it. (The other night she checked to make sure I was still breathing because she felt I was too still. I told her I've done it with her, it's a thing you do when you love someone.)
So can someone tell me why when I had forms to fill out for my child, it asked what my relationship was and had adoptive parent as an option? I'm not an adoptive parent, I'm a parent. Hell, I'm more of a parent than a lot of people whose sperm or egg was used in the making of a child.
Okay, just a rant. And a moment of joy in talking about my baby girl.