Thursday, September 23, 2010

Writing a Guy

One of the things I'm trying to do currently is write from a man's point of view. Despite my unnatural hirstuteness, I don't have extra testosterone running through my system.

I don't know how men think.

I remember in childhood when I first realized that women of different colors, cultures and backgrounds were rarely that different from me. As I've aged I've become even more aware of the fact on a global basis. Women are worrying/working for and creating the world their children will live in. We worry about love. Those we love, those we wish to love.

Men like sports. And they like boobs. And um ... they think farts are funny.

Men aren't women.

So here I am wanting to write from a man's POV about love and family and those deep feelings that I believe they have but rarely have ever seen and I don't know what to do. I've already had one editor say that she felt a man I wrote sounded more feminine than masculine and except for the shaving, I really don't get men at all. (I swear, it's not extra testosterone.)

What do I do?

6 comments:

  1. I know my gayness makes my view a tad...questionable? The way I see it, men really aren't that different from women. Sure, there are some thoughts that are different, but not that many. There's definitely more sexual energy behind men, and they'll be less inclined to be emotional. While it sounds cliche, the differences really do live up to the cliched view of men to some extent.

    At the same time, you just have to let the character speak. Let their voice come out, write what you need to, and fix it when you edit. Speak the dialogue out loud or in your head, and determine whether a guy would say it or not. I'm sure that, at the end of the day, you'll have a fairly convincing male character. If not, then get someone to read your manuscript and point out what's not working. Usually, if you can't see it, someone else can.

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  2. Men also like cars. Just tossing that out there with the rest of those!

    I started my writing roots in role playing and fan fiction, like much of the internet. The part of the internet I hang out in at least. As a woman, I found it difficult to write a woman without relating too much, which in the land of online RP would just break your heart. So I started writing men. Well, boys, but also men. They're all still "my boys" of course. In my boys I see a lot of my influences, but I've yet to be called on them, which in itself is surprising. So really, to write a man, watch/read men. Watch or read things that have characters that you like, that interest you, that you hate, that make you think of what you want or what you're positive you don't want. I can't say that my boys were true to life honest real men in their characterization, but I liked how they came off better than when I used to write women. Really, I'd probably advice similar for a man wanting to write women. It's just like writing anyone else. Research it.

    Also let me second John the Bookworm on everything. Not that I have experience being a man, but I like what he says and it makes good sense to me.

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  4. Lori, I will speak from the perspective as a grown adult male in my 20s with both numerous male and female friends and as another gay man (why are we using this as our main identifier here?) I will wholeheartedly disagree with John (who I feel will change the way he sees it once he as met more men, I hope). I'm not entirely sure where his perspective is coming from, gay or straight, but men and women are just different. These differences are in terms of actions, emotions, social stimuli/expectations, gender norms, viewpoints, sexual activity/needs, friendships and other relationships, and almost every other possible thing.
    This is not saying that women cannot do things that men can, or that men cannot so things that women can (unless it is something like having a period or arguably having a baby... don't get me started on that man in Oregon), I am a firm believer in gender equality. But internally and biologically, men and women are not the same. These differences will also change depending on how gender is viewed in various cultures and the environments people are from.
    Most romances I have read have this “one in a million” guy who manages to somehow embody the perfect attributes of a woman or woman’s ideal. But that might be why it works, because it is the fantasy that people relish. I am aware that this is a generalization on Romance novels, but I can see validity in what you're saying Lori. Without ever being a woman, how can I write about what a female goes though or how she feels when I could never experience it myself? I guess research would work, but I still see some hard walls there that one just can't knock down. I could research what life is like as a differently abled person, but would I ever really know? Great post though.

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  5. Lori

    This stuff is grist for my mill - being in the communication game and all.

    There are some very major ways that men differ from females, communication wise.

    I think it pretty much boils down to what they say and the way they say it.

    A colleague of mine has worked successfully with trans-gender patients; giving the gender reassigned male the tools to sound more feminine.

    It's actually a lot more involved than getting them to speak in a higher pitched voice. It involves very different language usage, the intonation patterns as well as the body language.

    One of the first tasks she gives them is to engage in some people watching in the local mall. It's quite fascinating, seeing the way men and women interact with each other and with the opposite sex.

    If you look up sites for transexuals, they might give you some hints.

    Just a few things I've noticed along the way.

    1 Women will tend to use their hands more when talking, touch their communication partner more.

    2 Women use more questions, use more sharing/ validating language when they talk.


    Consider

    'I was so embarrassed for Mary Jane yesterday. Oh My God, you should have seen what she was wearing... Her skirt barely covered her wotnot. I wouldn't be seen dead in a skirt like that. I mean, the colour was nice and everything, but it was so short. Everyone was staring!'

    compared with

    Bill came a cropper last night. Stupid bugger, shouldn't have drunk so much last night. I bet his wife tore strips off him when he got home.


    3 As an observation, men tend to use shorter sentences and less emotional language when they talk.
    eg
    'The head gasket blew. I knew I was in strife when the temperature gauge went through the roof. Bloody thing left me stranded 10 miles out of town. Had to wait an hour for the tow truck, didn't I?'

    4 Men are frequently annoyed by women not saying what they want. They are much more to the point.

    eg he says. If she wanted me to paint the bedroom, she should have said so, not just asked me if I thought it would look better in blue.


    There's a terrific book by a couple called Alan and Barbara Pease that explores more of these fundamental differences in a light -hearted (albeit general way). 'Why men don't listen and women can't read maps'


    Check out the free download
    http://www.ebook3000.com/Why-Men-Don-t-Listen_10588.html

    It's a fun read.

    As far as you writing a male POV is concerned though. I suspect that men and women do have the same concerns and worries as each other.

    They merely express them in a different fashion.

    Women are more likely to worry them to death with their BFF, and men shove them to the back of their minds.

    I think it's a fascinating subject you raise Lori. I'd love to talk more about it with you some day.

    Cheryl

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lori
    This stuff is grist for my mill - being in the communication game and all.
    There are some very major ways that men differ from females, communication wise.
    I think it pretty much boils down to what they say and the way they say it.
    A colleague of mine has worked successfully with trans-gender patients; giving the gender reassigned male the tools to sound more feminine.
    It's actually a lot more involved than getting them to speak in a higher pitched voice. It involves very different language usage, the intonation patterns as well as the body language.
    One of the first tasks she gives them is to engage in some people watching in the local mall. It's quite fascinating, seeing the way men and women interact with each other and with the opposite sex.
    If you look up sites for transexuals, they might give you some hints.
    Just a few things I've noticed along the way:

    1 Women will tend to use their hands more when talking, touch their communication partner more.
    2 Women use more questions, use more sharing/ validating language when they talk.
    Consider
    'I was so embarrassed for Mary Jane yesterday. Oh My God, you should have seen what she was wearing... Her skirt barely covered her wotnot. I wouldn't be seen dead in a skirt like that. I mean, the colour was nice and everything, but it was so short. Everyone was staring!'
    compared with
    'Bill came a cropper last night. Stupid bugger, shouldn't have drunk so much last night. I bet his wife tore strips off him when he got home.

    3 As an observation, men tend to use shorter sentences and less emotional language when they talk.
    eg
    'The head gasket blew. I knew I was in strife when the temperature gauge went through the roof. Bloody thing left me stranded 10 miles out of town. Had to wait an hour for the tow truck, didn't I?'
    4 Men are frequently annoyed by women not saying what they want. They are much more to the point.
    eg he says. If she wanted me to paint the bedroom, she should have said so, not just asked me if I thought it would look better in blue.

    There's a terrific book by a couple called Alan and Barbara Pease that explores more of these fundamental differences in a light -hearted (albeit general way). 'Why men don't listen and women can't read maps'

    Check out the free download
    http://www.ebook3000.com/Why-Men-Don-t-Listen_10588.html
    It's a fun read.
    As far as you writing a male POV is concerned though. I suspect that men and women do have the same concerns and worries as each other.

    They merely express them in a different fashion.

    Women are more likely to worry them to death with their BFF, and men shove them to the back of their minds.
    I think it's a fascinating subject you raise Lori. I'd love to talk more about it with you some day.
    Cheryl

    ReplyDelete