Sunday, June 12, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Dear Carolyn,
I have a confession to make and it's a doozy. It's bigger than a doozy. It's a dilly and a doozy all wrapped up in one dizzying dollop.
I got nothing to say.
This blogging shit is hard.
I could blog about books I've read but I've started about three books and couldn't finish. Nobody is connecting for me right now.
All my book releases are released so I can't say anything about that. I coulod start shilling your book release but I'll give that a little time.
So what should I write about? You and I talk on the phone about a hundred times a day but we mostly whine about arthritic knees and racing hearts. I did have a romantic dream about Carlos Marin (of Il Divo) but in the morning it wasn't that romantic after all.
I could say some crude words to see if it drives up traffic. Shit. Penis. Sopping.
That's not terribly interesting either.
I think I'll take a nap and think about this some. Blogging is exhausting.
I got nothing to say.
This blogging shit is hard.
I could blog about books I've read but I've started about three books and couldn't finish. Nobody is connecting for me right now.
All my book releases are released so I can't say anything about that. I coulod start shilling your book release but I'll give that a little time.
So what should I write about? You and I talk on the phone about a hundred times a day but we mostly whine about arthritic knees and racing hearts. I did have a romantic dream about Carlos Marin (of Il Divo) but in the morning it wasn't that romantic after all.
I could say some crude words to see if it drives up traffic. Shit. Penis. Sopping.
That's not terribly interesting either.
I think I'll take a nap and think about this some. Blogging is exhausting.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Hey Y'all ...
Check out Lori's guest blog on Amber Skyze's blog. There's a contest!
http://amberskyze.blogspot.com
Shit, still can't make the links work! :-(
Edit: Damn thing thinks I want to link to a page in this blog. I told it Amber. Amber!!
Bah!
http://amberskyze.blogspot.com
Shit, still can't make the links work! :-(
Edit: Damn thing thinks I want to link to a page in this blog. I told it Amber. Amber!!
Bah!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Author Interview Old Fart Style
An interview with author of Sugar B is Back in Town, Lori Green better known as the Short Fart. (Carolyn is the OF: Older Fart.)
For purposes of brevity, we shall abbreviate names.
OF: So - another book! How many is this now?
SF: Oh wow... um, a couple. And a few that are waiting to get finished. That's numbering at about 2,397.
OF: Why a porn star?
SF: Are you talking about me? Because that movie was supposed to be private. Oh, you mean Sugar. Well, the original idea was something you and I discussed a long time ago, Carolyn. Do you remember?
OF: I don't remember my own name, much less conversations older than a week.
SF: Well, we had talked about doing something with sisters, Sugar B and Honey B. Then we came up with Sugar B and Holly Champagne. The story idea fizzled but the names stuck with me.
And those are obvious names for the porn industry. And the story grew from there.
OF: I've heard rumors of a menage. Care to comment?
SF: George Clooney and Keanu Reeves have made me promise not to tell. (It's a little something I've been working on writing for a paranormal novella. So far everyone is nekkid and wondering what to do. I know nothing about threesomes.)
OF: You were published before you fell in love with Romance. Tell us about it.
SF: Way back in my younger years, before my general fartiness, I was on the fast track to a slow poetry career.
I have a whole bunch of little periodicals scattered around my house with poetry I wrote. I do so love the poetry.
OF: Some of your writing reads almost like poetry. So, is it safe to say your past influences your present?
SF: Always. Although my dirty mind influences my writing more than anything.
OF: You create very likable characters as well as make the impossible perfectly logical. What's your secret?
SF: All my characters are based on us. And who doesn't love us?
OF: Sugar is a complicated woman carrying a lot of baggage. Yet you don't rub the reader's nose in it. You might say the book is almost light hearted but with an underlying seriousness that doesn't overwhelm. Was this conscious on your part?
SF: Honey, nothing is conscious on my part. I feel lucky that I ever remember the alphabet.
OF: Where do you get your ideas?
SF: Local grocery store. They have them in the paper goods aisle.
OF: An answer full of your usual humor. Now - answer the question!
SF: The answer is that ideas come from everywhere. That's one of my favorite things about writing.
One of the things that fascinates me is the things you see on the road or side of the road all the time. A shoe, a glove, a doll, a blanket. Why are those there? There's stories in all those things.
Sugar was inspired by a porn star name. The story I'm writing right now came from my wondering what would happen if I became a vampire.
A wonder of the world does a million wonderous things. And creates amazing stories.
OF: What's next for you? Anything in the cooker (better known as your brain)?
SF: Well the cooker is simmering more than heating anything up. So watch this space. Although there's a little something written by Two Old Farts that looks like it might finally get finished and see the light of day. That has me more excited than anything.
I do thank you for giving of your time. Sugar B sounds like a great book. It can be found at these fine outlets (darlin', if you'd make the links live, I'd appreciate it): www.lyrical.press.com www.amazon.com
(Note from Lori: live links aren't working on Blogger right now. Sorry.)
For purposes of brevity, we shall abbreviate names.
OF: So - another book! How many is this now?
SF: Oh wow... um, a couple. And a few that are waiting to get finished. That's numbering at about 2,397.
OF: Why a porn star?
SF: Are you talking about me? Because that movie was supposed to be private. Oh, you mean Sugar. Well, the original idea was something you and I discussed a long time ago, Carolyn. Do you remember?
OF: I don't remember my own name, much less conversations older than a week.
SF: Well, we had talked about doing something with sisters, Sugar B and Honey B. Then we came up with Sugar B and Holly Champagne. The story idea fizzled but the names stuck with me.
And those are obvious names for the porn industry. And the story grew from there.
OF: I've heard rumors of a menage. Care to comment?
SF: George Clooney and Keanu Reeves have made me promise not to tell. (It's a little something I've been working on writing for a paranormal novella. So far everyone is nekkid and wondering what to do. I know nothing about threesomes.)
OF: You were published before you fell in love with Romance. Tell us about it.
SF: Way back in my younger years, before my general fartiness, I was on the fast track to a slow poetry career.
I have a whole bunch of little periodicals scattered around my house with poetry I wrote. I do so love the poetry.
OF: Some of your writing reads almost like poetry. So, is it safe to say your past influences your present?
SF: Always. Although my dirty mind influences my writing more than anything.
OF: You create very likable characters as well as make the impossible perfectly logical. What's your secret?
SF: All my characters are based on us. And who doesn't love us?
OF: Sugar is a complicated woman carrying a lot of baggage. Yet you don't rub the reader's nose in it. You might say the book is almost light hearted but with an underlying seriousness that doesn't overwhelm. Was this conscious on your part?
SF: Honey, nothing is conscious on my part. I feel lucky that I ever remember the alphabet.
OF: Where do you get your ideas?
SF: Local grocery store. They have them in the paper goods aisle.
OF: An answer full of your usual humor. Now - answer the question!
SF: The answer is that ideas come from everywhere. That's one of my favorite things about writing.
One of the things that fascinates me is the things you see on the road or side of the road all the time. A shoe, a glove, a doll, a blanket. Why are those there? There's stories in all those things.
Sugar was inspired by a porn star name. The story I'm writing right now came from my wondering what would happen if I became a vampire.
A wonder of the world does a million wonderous things. And creates amazing stories.
OF: What's next for you? Anything in the cooker (better known as your brain)?
SF: Well the cooker is simmering more than heating anything up. So watch this space. Although there's a little something written by Two Old Farts that looks like it might finally get finished and see the light of day. That has me more excited than anything.
I do thank you for giving of your time. Sugar B sounds like a great book. It can be found at these fine outlets (darlin', if you'd make the links live, I'd appreciate it): www.lyrical.press.com www.amazon.com
(Note from Lori: live links aren't working on Blogger right now. Sorry.)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Sugar B's Back in Town
Available from Amazon, Lyrical Press and anywhere you like to buy ebooks. (My links aren't working or I'd have them up.)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Dear Lori
I was going to make this very detailed post, supported by actual opinions from actual people. But I lost the link, so I'm going to have to wing it.
Writing a sex scene is hard. Very few people can do it well. Very few.
I like me a good sex scene. But you know what will pull me out of one quickly?
The language used and the tone that's set. I don't need to be inside someone's head, but I do need a decent vocabulary. I hate when I'm reading along, and suddenly come up against a word that makes me go 'huh'? Or more likely - WTF??
What, you may ask, are some of these words? Well, pull up a chair darlin' and I'll see what I can remember. I know I've forgotten a bunch, some of which I won't remember until I come across them again. Maybe it will help if I list the body parts and any euphanisms for them I can remember.
Clitoris: Nub or nubbin. I hate this. Hate it! Don't care for clit too much either. It sounds too harsh for a très romantic love scene and anachronistic for an historical. Pearl of anything is a no-no. I'm sure there's more but damned if I can remember them. Feel free to remind me. Or not, lol.
Labia: I'm not suggesting the word labia should be used, no I'm not. However, I think petals of anything, or dewy petals, or swollen folds, or wet or dripping anything, should be avoided. So should the porn words, like c*** or pussy. Well, maybe pussy if they're talking dirty to each other in a contemporary, but not as a narrative or descriptive device. "Her pussy was wet with (word of choice).
As an aside, a woman's lubricant should not be described as creamy. It sets me to wondering if she needs a GYN.
Breasts: don't like boobs, not in a love scene - so unromantic. Ditto ta-ta's. Breast is a perfectly good word.
Penis: I don't know why, but prick sounds more porny to me than cock. I don't mind me some cock. Dick makes me think of our local bank manager, not a very romantic moment, believe me!
There's lots more. I hate I lost that link; it was to an Amazon romance forum thread and half the time I can't even find the damn forum. Okay, I can never find the damn forum unless it's featured under a book I'm looking at. Why do they hide the damn forums? How the hell do you get to them?
You may be wondering how I write sex scenes. Well, mostly I don't, and when I do, I concentrate on the emotions. The lurv finally expressed physically. Oh, there has to be a bit of thrusting or entering, but it's all very spiritual, lol.
What's your favorite orgasm phrase?
Carolyn dear,
I don't mind a nub so much but I do mind the sex-addled brains where all the H/h can think about is the need to do the dirty. No matter what they're doing they suddenly are in a lust so strong that it's like they've been possessed by nubs and creamy goodness (a good cole slaw is creamy goodness, sex isn't cole slaw.)
But seriously, the heroine is sitting in Granny living room during a quilting bee and she's thinking about being rammed with the hero's baseball bat of lurve while Granny is passing out pound cake and ginger ale... my mind boggles.
And orgasms! Oh my goodness, the orgasms!
Do not get me wrong, I'm all for a good orgasm. Hell, I'm all for many good orgasms. Screw an apple a day, I'll take an orgasm a day. Or even better, multiple orgasms a day. But I have to admit that I have yet to climax and pass out.
There's something so funny in how the heroine might have had orgasms before but never like it is with the hero. With the hero it's more intense, more colorful, she creams like a pie. Get the monistat folks, the heroine is coming!!
Sorry about my little added on rant. I need coffee and romance. Hopefully the only cream I see today will be in my coffee mug.
Writing a sex scene is hard. Very few people can do it well. Very few.
I like me a good sex scene. But you know what will pull me out of one quickly?
The language used and the tone that's set. I don't need to be inside someone's head, but I do need a decent vocabulary. I hate when I'm reading along, and suddenly come up against a word that makes me go 'huh'? Or more likely - WTF??
What, you may ask, are some of these words? Well, pull up a chair darlin' and I'll see what I can remember. I know I've forgotten a bunch, some of which I won't remember until I come across them again. Maybe it will help if I list the body parts and any euphanisms for them I can remember.
Clitoris: Nub or nubbin. I hate this. Hate it! Don't care for clit too much either. It sounds too harsh for a très romantic love scene and anachronistic for an historical. Pearl of anything is a no-no. I'm sure there's more but damned if I can remember them. Feel free to remind me. Or not, lol.
Labia: I'm not suggesting the word labia should be used, no I'm not. However, I think petals of anything, or dewy petals, or swollen folds, or wet or dripping anything, should be avoided. So should the porn words, like c*** or pussy. Well, maybe pussy if they're talking dirty to each other in a contemporary, but not as a narrative or descriptive device. "Her pussy was wet with (word of choice).
As an aside, a woman's lubricant should not be described as creamy. It sets me to wondering if she needs a GYN.
Breasts: don't like boobs, not in a love scene - so unromantic. Ditto ta-ta's. Breast is a perfectly good word.
Penis: I don't know why, but prick sounds more porny to me than cock. I don't mind me some cock. Dick makes me think of our local bank manager, not a very romantic moment, believe me!
There's lots more. I hate I lost that link; it was to an Amazon romance forum thread and half the time I can't even find the damn forum. Okay, I can never find the damn forum unless it's featured under a book I'm looking at. Why do they hide the damn forums? How the hell do you get to them?
You may be wondering how I write sex scenes. Well, mostly I don't, and when I do, I concentrate on the emotions. The lurv finally expressed physically. Oh, there has to be a bit of thrusting or entering, but it's all very spiritual, lol.
What's your favorite orgasm phrase?
Carolyn dear,
I don't mind a nub so much but I do mind the sex-addled brains where all the H/h can think about is the need to do the dirty. No matter what they're doing they suddenly are in a lust so strong that it's like they've been possessed by nubs and creamy goodness (a good cole slaw is creamy goodness, sex isn't cole slaw.)
But seriously, the heroine is sitting in Granny living room during a quilting bee and she's thinking about being rammed with the hero's baseball bat of lurve while Granny is passing out pound cake and ginger ale... my mind boggles.
And orgasms! Oh my goodness, the orgasms!
Do not get me wrong, I'm all for a good orgasm. Hell, I'm all for many good orgasms. Screw an apple a day, I'll take an orgasm a day. Or even better, multiple orgasms a day. But I have to admit that I have yet to climax and pass out.
There's something so funny in how the heroine might have had orgasms before but never like it is with the hero. With the hero it's more intense, more colorful, she creams like a pie. Get the monistat folks, the heroine is coming!!
Sorry about my little added on rant. I need coffee and romance. Hopefully the only cream I see today will be in my coffee mug.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Dear Carolyn,
I'm going to state for the record, because the internet is forever so this statement will be too, that I can take criticism. If I write something and you don't like it: I'm okay with that. If you think my personal hygiene is questionable, my child is a mess and my house looks like gypsies threw up: well fine and dandy.
My point? I'm on a few author loops from different publishers and for the most part its all about promo and asking for blog tours and really boring shit. But last night got interesting.
On one of my loops an author posted a link to one of those high falutin' dudes who suggested that romance novels are cheap porn for the ladies. (So easy for them to say but so hard for us to write.) Big effing deal. Bashing romance is nothing new and seriously quite boring. You read your porn and I'll read mine, Mr. McHeadUpYourAss. But one of the authors on the loop had something to say.
Oh my, she was vitriolic because you see, someone posted a comment on a novel she'd written calling it bad porn. And from that the author went on to say that any reader who didn't like her books was
1. Incapable of writing books.
2. Ashamed that she was so turned on by reading it that she blasted it.
3. Had a bunch of romance/porn in a box under her bed.
4. Was against breast feeding in public.
5. Needed a life.
I stared at that for quite awhile and wanted to reply. I wanted to say
1. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
2. Remember not everyone loves everything.
3. Might have better taste than you can write for.
4. Might have a point.
So again I state, if someone doesn't like my writing or gives a bad review, I can take it. A constructive bad review is something you can learn from. I know from years of working with poetry editors and magazines that a bad review/critique is an opportunity for a better writer to emerge.
If it's mean spirited then so the fuck what? I won't lose sleep over a stranger.
And I'll not stop writing.
My point? I'm on a few author loops from different publishers and for the most part its all about promo and asking for blog tours and really boring shit. But last night got interesting.
On one of my loops an author posted a link to one of those high falutin' dudes who suggested that romance novels are cheap porn for the ladies. (So easy for them to say but so hard for us to write.) Big effing deal. Bashing romance is nothing new and seriously quite boring. You read your porn and I'll read mine, Mr. McHeadUpYourAss. But one of the authors on the loop had something to say.
Oh my, she was vitriolic because you see, someone posted a comment on a novel she'd written calling it bad porn. And from that the author went on to say that any reader who didn't like her books was
1. Incapable of writing books.
2. Ashamed that she was so turned on by reading it that she blasted it.
3. Had a bunch of romance/porn in a box under her bed.
4. Was against breast feeding in public.
5. Needed a life.
I stared at that for quite awhile and wanted to reply. I wanted to say
1. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
2. Remember not everyone loves everything.
3. Might have better taste than you can write for.
4. Might have a point.
So again I state, if someone doesn't like my writing or gives a bad review, I can take it. A constructive bad review is something you can learn from. I know from years of working with poetry editors and magazines that a bad review/critique is an opportunity for a better writer to emerge.
If it's mean spirited then so the fuck what? I won't lose sleep over a stranger.
And I'll not stop writing.
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