Dear Carolyn,

I want my 99 cents back!

I bought a terrible book from Amazon called Diary of a Mad, Fat Girl (or was it Lady?) that was part of my chick-lit glom. Oh my gawd. Whoever gave that author permission to type unsupervised needs to be throttled. And Amazon owes me 99 cents!

Besides the fact that the 1st person heroine was a bad tempered, nasty bitch who treated her best friend like shit ... she used the word cooter. Cooter! I think Cooter was the name of one of the characters on the old Andy Griffin show.

"Hey Opie, how's the fishin' at the water hole?"

"Well hey Cooter, caught me an eight incher and he shore do wiggle."

Gah. I'm horrified than anyone would use such a word for the flower of femininity. The lilac of luciousness. The marigold of maidenhood.

Anyway, I was so appalled that I had to wipe that nasty taste from my mouth and eyes and so I returned to Eloisa James. A Kiss at Midnight, to be exact. It's a Cinderella story retold with a lion, an elephant and a lovesick monkey, a Godmother named Henry and fake breasts.

I've decided that I should honor the brilliance that is Ms. James and name my first daughter Eloisa, but my first daughter is aghast at the idea. Why nine, almost ten year olds, refuse to follow the whims of their mothers is just shameful.

I decided to buy a pocket calendar at Barnes and Noble to start forcing myself to keep word counts. But would you believe that B&N went and put their calendars away? The end of February and they did such a thing. I was heartbroken. So heartbroken in fact that I couldn't write a word.

Well anyway, I should be doing something a little more productive than sitting here and being silly. I'm thinking of a nap. Or a little more Eloisa James. Maybe I'll call you and we can brainstorm ideas for stories we're not writing.

Talk to you soon.

Lori

Dear Carolyn,

Happy Valentines Day.

I went to Amazon to buy a few books for our Kindle account (yes to anyone who isn't us: we share an Amazon Kindle account so we can share books) and saw that you had already bought one of the books on my list. So Happy Valentine's Day to me!

I got the first Happily Ever After book by Eloisa James, A Duke of Her Own. I just have loved what little I've read of hers so far and want to read much more. I love her heart and humor.

I also picked us up a chick-lit book with cooking and romance. I love books with cooking. Wish to hell I could write one.

I had a lovely weekend. Mollie was busy all weekend and left me to my own devices. I had a girl's day with Erica which was awesome. We drove out to Duval and went to an antique mall. A hell of a lot of crap to be sure but there was a lot of beautiful stuff. I bought only a lamp set and a footstool but I'd love to go back and browse again.

We also went out to lunch and it was the most adorable cafe with the most delicious burger. I'm such a sucker for a delicious burger. Is there anything better than a big beef patty with melty cheese, yummy sauce and a good bun? Oh goodness. I think I'd celebrate a Hamburger Day before Valentines. Think Hallmark might make a card for that?

Anyway, the kitten is inside my shirt sleeping and I have to convince Mollie to go to bed. I didn't write very much but at least I did some writing.

Hope you wake up to something sweet. Happy Heart day sweetheart.

Lori

Dear Carolyn,

I finished When Beauty Tamed the Beast by Eloisa James. I'm reluctant to start another book right now for fear of disappointment. After reading something this perfect, whatever comes next is sure to be disappointing.

I loved everything about the book. Linnet, the heroine, was perfect while not being obnoxious or coy. Piers was a beast but also sympathetic and brilliant and damned funny. I was madly in love with him. Oh hell, I was madly in love with them both.

And yes, I loved Sebastian also. I hope Ms. James thinks about giving him a story. But it must be brilliant also.

I should take a break from reading and do some writing. I have a sexy sex scene I'm working on and it's killing me. I've never had sex with two men so it's a little hard to write. And since I don't want to have one boinking her while the other chokes her on his man meat, it's taking a little more work.

I hate those sex scenes, by the way. I'm still cringing over a Maya Banks story where he shoved down her throat so deeply his pubic hair was almost in her throat. I started to gag just reading that. I mean, yuck. Oral sex is fine on occasion but any man shoves his sausage down my throat and it's breakfast time and I'm chewing, if you know what I mean.

I don't know how I moved from a wonderful book to the subject of having breakfast balls dangling from one's mouth. I think I'm going to go have some cake and consider how to move three bodies in a way that pleases me.

Sleep well darlin'. Hope I have something for you to read in the morning.

Lori

Dear Lori

You know it takes me an average of two years to write a novel. I'm afraid March is out of the question since I seem to have the winter blahs and not a whole lot is catching my interest. Damn and double damn.

However, your Eloisa James book, When Beauty Tamed the Beast most certainly did.

What a great book. I bonded with both characters, but I particularly liked Linnet. She was perfect for her Beast. I grew fond of Sébastien too. What is it about men named Sébastien or Sebastian? They just absolutely charm the socks (and perhaps other articles of clothing) off a girl. I wouldn't mind reading a book about this Séb. ♥

Did you know we have a novella by Ms James in our Kindle account? It's called Storming the Castle. It may be based on a fairytale too, but which particular one escapes me at the moment. You should read it and let me know. I'm totally onboard re getting her backlist.

I'm venturing into Meljean Brook's Guardian series. They're not all in ebook form though, that's a bummer because I just can't rationalize bringing another book into this house; I'm tripping over piles of books as it is and the attic is full. I read the novella Blind Spot in the anthology Must Love Hellhounds (a really great anthology, btw, with stories by Brook, Nalini Singh and Ilona Andrews! Oh, and Charlene Harris, but I don't care for ...Sukie, is it?). Anyway, that led me to Demon Moon which is available as an ebook and which I've had for some time and which I'm now ready to read. Secondary characters from the novella are front and center in this one. I can't believe I forgot I had it!

Kindle should really look into getting a decent bookshelf!

Somewhere in amongst all this, I will work on the WIP. Sort of. A sentence a day keeps ... never mind. Spring will have sprunged one day and hopefully so will inspiration.:-) Meantime I'll huddle in front of my heater.

Need to find me another Sebastian. I really, really like these guys.

Carolyn

Dear Carolyn,

Sanhain is looking for post-apocolyptic novellas but it would need to be submitted by March 1, I believe.

That seems to be my experience with Samhain: they're always looking for exactly what I've started writing but there's never enough time to finish and submit. Maybe you could do it if you were motivated enough and I was willing to nag enough but I doubt either of us is willing.

Well, I finished Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain and enjoyed it quite a bit. It was a funny as hell inside look at how some restaurants run. The only thing is that Chef Bourdain puts a little too much testosterone into everything he says and it's hard to know how much is jism talking and how much is real.

I had a strange feeling while reading the book that Chef Bourdain was a bit of a poser. He certainly would see himself as an alpha male, I think he might be more the loud-mouthed friend of the hero who bails out when needed.

So we went to the pool again today and since I finished the book I needed something new to read. I started When Beauty Tamed the Beast by Eloisa James. Carolyn, start reading this immediately!

I've never read Ms. James before but if this is her usual then we'll be buying her entire backlist soon. O.M.G. This woman writes like a spun candy. It's completely gossamer with threads of humor, description, snark, brilliance...

I have to finish the pre-edits on Hot, Hexed and Bothered. I signed up to do a guest blog and give-away on Fang-tastic Books blog on release day. Does that make me Nora Roberts yet? (Now let's compare royalty statements and watch La Nora bust a gut laughing.)

Right now I have curtains to hang, another load of laundry to do and I was going to hang pictures. Ha! There's always another weekend on the way.

Lori