Retirement

 It hasn’t been a full week yet, but I am officially retired. I was in Maui last week on Tuesday and Wednesday and once I came home Wednesday evening, I was no longer employed.

I left my job saying that I would be available to come back to Maui if needed whether for training or staffing purposes, I’m beginning to think that I was being too kind. I don’t know that I ever want to go back to work.

I haven’t done anything extraordinary. I’ve napped, move some furniture, cooked a little bit. I think more than anything there’s just been a sense of amazement that I can wake up in the morning and not have an immediate pressure of having to be present for somebody else.

In fact, I think one of the issues I’m having right now is with my daughter who is starting a new position. She’s having a hard time adjusting starting this new job and I feel like she’s been very greedy of my time and energy while she’s going through this.I don’t know how to possibly explain to her that as much as I want to be present and empathetic with her at all times, right now I want to simply be present for myself.

I feel like I’ve spent so much time in my life tiptoeing around other people. I spent so much time viewing inadequate. I’ve spent so much time trying to fit in. And suddenly the only place I need to fit into is my own life. And the best thing about it-is that I’ve never lived a life like this.

It’s going to take some time to learn my own flow. To figure out when to rest and when to push. To navigate my tiredness, my desires, and my intentions. I feel wonderful. Even though I’ve just begun this journey I can tell it’s going to be the most personally pleasing time of my life.