Sparking Some Motherfucking Joy in This Time of Corona

Smart Bitches, Smart Choices

So Carolyn sent me this link today from Smart Bitches and this is among the reasons that Carolyn is my BFF, BWB and BXYZ all rolled up into one. She knows me. I mean, she KNOWS me.

So to summarize: instead of using this time in quarantine to try and accomplish things and cross off items on a to-do list, this is the time to acknowledge that many of us can't make our brains co-operate so instead of trying to create, organize to create instead.

It's a fucking wonderful idea. I love it.

I know I'm not going to start any new projects right now. I have a few almost finished quilts/hangings that I can finish (slowly) but there are others that I'm stuck on. So instead I've decided to start 'project bags'. Using the idea that she discussed in Smart Bitches.

My knitting is still rudimentary although I find it wonderfully peaceful to do. So I have a pattern for a simple shawl which I'll choose some yarn and put together for when I'm ready to knit. There's a simple hat pattern that I'd like to try.

I'm also going to start organizing fabric for quilts.

And... a reading list. Why not do it all? Go though the TBR pile and make a list of the books and authors and blurbs and get that together for future reviews? LOVE IT!!! 

This appeals to my creative but super stressed out self. It gets me on track to be ready to create and maybe even create when the urge hits but to organize sparks extreme joy.

Happy me. Thank you Carolyn.

Oh, and btw: I've started having a nightly nightcap. A large shot of Kalua, a dash of heavy cream, a half cup of milk, a squirt of chocolate syrup mixed and then add ice. It's a decadent, adult chocolate milk. So yummy. And one that I think Carolyn's sister has already discovered but Carol doesn't realize that it's spiked. Ha ha!

Life is brilliant even in quarantine.

The Witches Are Coming by Lindy West

From the moment powerful men started falling to the #MeToo movement, the lamentations began: this is feminism gone too far, this is injustice, this is a witch hunt. In The Witches Are Coming, firebrand author of the New York Times bestselling memoir and now critically acclaimed Hulu TV series Shrill, Lindy West, turns that refrain on its head. You think this is a witch hunt? Fine. You've got one.

In a laugh-out-loud, incisive cultural critique, West extolls the world-changing magic of truth, urging readers to reckon with dark lies in the heart of the American mythos, and unpacking the complicated, and sometimes tragic, politics of not being a white man in the twenty-first century. She tracks the misogyny and propaganda hidden (or not so hidden) in the media she and her peers devoured growing up, a buffet of distortions, delusions, prejudice, and outright bullsh*t that has allowed white male mediocrity to maintain a death grip on American culture and politics-and that delivered us to this precarious, disorienting moment in history.

This book is a killer. I read it yesterday and was trying to explain to Carolyn why I liked it so much and I still can't articulate it that well but I think the author has a friendly voice, although a truly angry tone, I agree with everything and it didn't leave me optimistic but it didn't leave me in despair.

Carol asked me if the writer was glass half empty or glass half full and honestly, it doesn't matter because the glasses are all owned by men anyway.

But here's the thing: I was reading the book yesterday and then at dinner my brother started on  a rant about people trying to take away guns and all that nonsense. And usually I get mad and either stay quiet and seethe or argue and seethe. Last night I didn't do either of those things. Instead I responded but simply and with clarity. So he knew which buttons to push and started talking about female politicians who didn't even know about the guns they were talking about and bringing up "ghost guns" and shit that doesn't exist.

I responded that male politicians don't have the faintest clue about women's bodies and reproductive organs but they legislate those all the time. And that kind of ignorance didn't seem to bother him at all. So I can't be bothered to care if a politician believes a gun round has 15 or 15,000 bullets. She knows it kills kids in school. That's what matters.

So then he went into his favorite apples and oranges about how smoking and cars and falling out of trees kills people and I gently explained that it's not the same thing at all and mass falling out of trees isn't killing schoolchildren.

I didn't "win" the argument. But for the first time in a long time I wasn't upset or enraged after a disagreement. I felt stronger. And I felt like there was a little more steel because of this book.

Lindy West is a writer and she's funny and she knows famous people and she's fat and she lives in Seattle and I felt like she was me and is you and is all of us. But I did relate A LOT. And again, I felt that reading her brought something more to my voice.

I'll read the book again because it gave me words. It's there to strengthen our voices. Such a good book.

Good Day

I'm wearing underwear today. Must be a good day.

Isolate Your Ass, Motherfucker!!

The worst part of this whole thing, the worst worst part, is knowing that if one member of your household gets it, it could easily kill all the members of your household.

We are all over 60. We all have high blood pressure. My sister in law has heart and lung issues.

So my brother is working on his car and needs help and invites a friend over to help him. And then my SIL and said friend are sitting chatting, no social distancing. If I say something I'm going to be told to chill because no way is Matt sick. And he probably isn't. He also shouldn't be in our house.

Beyond that we Americans have an inept mob boss running our country into the ground who assumes that daily news briefings are a chance to brag about himself, to call women "nasty" and to suggest new ways people can ultimately kill themselves (listen to the orange shithole and do what he suggests and you'll likely die from it) (he isn't just corrupt, he's truly stupid).

I would make a better president than this scummy, slimy, sickening stain of shit on the world. I hate him. I literally hate him.

Otherwise, I'm living in a state of anxiety that's out of this world. I sleep about 16 hours a day. I talk to Mollie maybe a dozen times daily. I can't concentrate enough to do anything except watch documentaries on Netflix and play computer games.

I hope everyone is doing better than I am at this time. How are you all coping?

Jane Doe and Victoria Helen Stone = My Forever Mood

Problem Child by Victoria Helen Stone is book 2 of the Jane Doe series (God, I so hope this is a series because Jane is the Queen). Anyway, the book dropped yesterday and I finished it today and I'll reread it in about a week to really savor so much more but...

it's as good as the first.

Jane hasn't changed. In fact, she's as sociopathic as ever and her story is, as always, riveting. In Problem Child, Jane's niece is missing and so Jane goes home (ugh) to find her niece and find out if she's as sociopathic as Jane.

I'm not going to discuss the plot because I don't think I read Jane for the plot as much as I read her for her. Jane is a brilliant character and I think she's so fascinating because there's a little Jane in all of us. Now I can hear Carolyn right now saying "I ain't nothin' like Jane" in her Southern accent even though she's a Canadian deep down, but ha! we all have a piece of something inside that's greedy or uncaring or cries out for revenge.

Jane is the answer to the patriarchy (another ugh). Jane is the woman who sees men as they really are and uses them, she's uncaring about being judges and she can't be manipulated because she knows all the tricks.

The men at work who think they can have her do all the work and they get the credit? Dust. The pick-up artists in the bar? Child's play. The man who loves her? Sorry but even he's getting played.

I'll do a better review in a few days but wow, this book is a blast. Read it for Jane. Understand how she's guided by hunger, interest and lack of emotion. And then just for fun, compare her to yourself and others and ask yourself how many sociopaths do you know?

As the World Burns, Meet My Favorite Monstas

I'm not going to post about viruses, racist asshat Presidents, isolation or any of that shit.Instead I'm going to introduce you to my obsession: MonstaX.

MonstaX is a K-Pop group who is the second in history to put out an all English album: All About Luv.

I bought the album in disc for my car and digital for home and I almost want to buy it for everyone I know because I fucking love it that much.

So meet my boys:

Shownu. He's the group leader, main dancer, amazing singer. He's the Daddy of the group, often has a bemused expression as the guys bounce all over the place and he's solid. Solid body, solid attitude, a man that the guys can lean on emotionally and physically and be okay.

I'm going to mention that one of the things I love about these guys is that they have no toxic masculinity issues. I've wasted days of my life watching YouTube videos of them in almost everything (excluding toilet videos which seems to be the one place the camera never followed them) and they are so affectionate and touchy with each other that my old heart melts. I have never seen a group of young men so easy with hugs and saying "I love you" and just being family.

A few other things about Shownu: he's painfully shy. He did a Korean reality show called The Lipstick Prince where he learned about make-up and applying it because make-up doesn't have a gender and these guys are fucking gorgeous in their make-up. He has a good sense of humor and I have a feeling that he's good at cunnilingus. Just a feeling...

Wonho is not currently in the group but the fandom (called Monbebe, of which I am proudly one and have the shirt to prove it) is hoping that he will return. He was being investigated for a drug charge which was never proven and now he's free and well, goddamn, we want our Bunny back.

Wonho is a good singer, a great dancer and a lovely visual for the group. He's the bad boy, and now he's telling more about his life and his mis-steps and well, he's resilient and beautiful and I love him to death. Grew up in major poverty, ran with some not good people and redeemed himself in practicing his singing and dancing and becoming a trainee at Starship Entertainment. 

Wonho's nickname is Bunny because he's visually sex on a stick but emotionally he's a teenager. He's the guy who pinches, teases, laughs constantly, eats constantly (like Shownu, these guys have HUGE appetites). He's someone you just want to cuddle and take care of. He's very emotional, easily the first to cry, and he's just a heart melter.

Hyungwon is dancer, singer, visual. He's easily the handsomest of them all with classic model features. He's tall, has a sweet voice and is just a really great guy. He's also the meme king.

He's another shy guy but he's also hilarious. He was the reason I watched them in the first place because he's so pretty but then I got hooked quickly.

His nickname is H1, he's also a DJ and successful in Korea with it. Watching videos of the guys you would think H1 is the clumsiest but he's actually one of the best dancers as well as a good athlete. He's one of the few members who has a dating history, is also a model and hell, he's goofy as fuck and surprisingly sophisticated and I love him to pieces.

This is Kihyun, the main vocalist. He can sing. And I mean, he can sing. 

Honestly, the least interesting member to me so what I'll say is that he's a good photographer, lovely skin and he can sing.

Jooheon, aka Joohoney aka Honey. Main rapper. Terrific singer. Fabulous dancer. Great visuals. Dare I say he is the real center of the group and omg, he can do anything and do it better.

Honey is amazing. As a trainee he was the one who won every contest, did guest raps on other artist's songs and already was having a career before debut. Honey also has some mental health issues including insecurity and anxiety that sometimes derail him. One of the sweetest things in my world is seeing how Honey reacts when his fellow members praise him because he doesn't think highly enough of himself so when he hears from others that he's appreciated and loved, his joy is contagious.

I actually am finding it a little hard to write about Honey because I love him and he's been not performing for a couple of months because of his anxiety issues and I just hope he's doing okay. He's supposed to be back with the group for the next world tour (whenever that is). 

Minhyuk. Singer. Possibly the prettiest little boy. 

To explain Minhyuk is hard. He's loud. He talks all the time. He's an excellent emcee. He's clingy. He's funny. He's the most romantic and has no issues telling people that he loves them, touching and hugging. He's the most secure human being ever.

I call him Yuk when I talk to Mollie as a joke but we agree that he's gorgeous. Love him.

This is I.M. Real name Changhyun. He's also a rapper and with the new album he's stepping up as a singer. I love all these guys but IM is my snack. There's just something about this boy that warms the cockles of my unused vagina. Oh yeah, my heart too.

IM is the translator of the group because he speaks English (3 years living in Boston as a child). He's also the youngest. He has a lot to do with the success of the group because he previously was the only one who could speak English. They all do now with Honey and Kihyun matching IM. 

I love his voice, he has a sultry sound and when he and Honey rap they have different tones and are amazing together. Huge sense of humor, he's the baby of the group and sometimes is bratty and sometimes is the victim. He just cracks me up.

I LOVE THESE MEN LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE!!!!

Poem

Reclaiming Guinevere, Part 2

I don't want to say

bitches gonna be bitches

but I haven't felt free

since I met her.

I sleep okay now

it's been too many years

to toss in the sea

of unyielding faces

razing my entire being

at some point

I needed to answer

to my own name.

Lori.

My name is Lori

not bitch, not cunt

not problem child

unloved and unneeded

not that employee

she fired with glee

I'm not enough

to even be evil

and neither was she.

She was just that bitch

in my life,

the one who winked

when I was on fire

to assure me water was coming

while she threw

matches to the ground.

I've almost forgotten

her name

but not quite yet.

She wears different faces

in other places but she's

always the same.

Bitches gonna be bitches

I remind myself

as I salt the earth

and whisper her heart

into the clouds.