Meeting My Father

Sp I saw my father for the first time in like 46 years and the last time in my lifetime. It had begun awkwardly ... my father is an asshole, after all. He began his time with his three children by complaining that we didn't show him enough compassion regarding his health. Seriously. My brother told him, however, that it was his fault because he doesn't provide information as a sharing experience but more as a lecture. Anyway, I didn't give a shit. I sat quietly and wished death upon him.

After that I my attitude softened a little. He's very frail and I had a few moments of tenderness seeing his frailty. But ... that didn't last. My father stated a few times that he had no regrets in his life and after being a serial sexual predator and estranged from his children for over forty years, I lost any care for the man and I had very little anyway.

He did tearful 'I love you' at the end of the trip and both my sister and I didn't respond with the same. We were both done with him and agreed we fulfilled what we needed to emotionally to walk away completely.

On the other hand: I shared a hotel room for a week with my sister and we talked and laughed and told each other everything and apologized and explained and we're back to where we used to be and I'm brimming with love for her. 

There's a lot that happened and a lot of healing that took place and I'm still overwhelmed by the experience to write coherently about it. But I'm in a much better place thankfully and I feel like the past is pretty done and the future is looming.

My luggage was found in Dallas but it's still in Dallas because of the canceled flights for the lack of air traffic controllers. I don't know when I'll ever see my pink squawking chicken again (the one gift I bought myself).

Anyway, my relationships with my siblings are so much better. I'm still waiting for luggage and ticket resolution.