New Year ... (resolution edition)

So let's discuss those pesky little New Year's resolutions that none of us do but some of us spend way too much time thinking about.

As previously mentioned, I'm trying my No Buy year. Obviously I'm being tested with the breakage of everything I own (a little hyperbole) but it's a good lesson. I need a coffee maker. I need a cane. Of course I'm buying those. But I don't need more fabric (which was so tempting) or another container or anything. And I'm trying to extend this to groceries also. 

I'm throwing away expired stuff and asking myself why did I buy it if I'm not using it? I go through phases with food and I need to learn to level it off. Especially at a time like now when I've been binge eating a lot recently. (Christmas is a terrible time for binge eaters. Everything comes mega size and there's so much out there. And I freaking love shortbread cookies.)

Anyway, I gained enough weight recently to feel uncomfortable and huff when I exert even a little. And the funny thing (that isn't funny) is right after I wrote that I started to write "I know what to do" but stopped because I obviously don't know what to do. I'm 65 years old and still going through this. I obviously don't know what to do that going to fit me and my brain. Any human can say "eat less and exercise" but unless you're a person with eating disorders and trauma and a blinding hatred of the diet industry and trying to fit the male gaze ... no, you don't know either. 

I know there's no simple solutions, especially after a lifetime of being a stranger in my body. But I think that there are some simple things that I do know:

I will never diet again in this lifetime.

I need to lose some weight.

I do believe both of those things can be accomplished together. It's a little tug of war. And I have a sweet tooth. And I hate exercise.

Can I find my answer? I hope so. It's not really a resolution but I think if I'm ever going to find a good compromise it's going to involve a lot more protein. Thank God I really like chicken, eggs and seafood.

I have a need to move more just because my knees are getting worse and they're not going to get better. A little less weight on them should cut some of the pain.

So my resolution is to be completely present in myself as I prepare food and eat. I have a goal not to buy sweets anymore but to bake for myself. I love baking, I love eating baked goods and it just feels like a better choice.

I'll probably do a bit of blogging about this. And speaking from experience, other people obsessing about their bodies is a fucking bore. So I apologize in advance.

Now a little story: I have a corner apartment and my apartment has a small walkway on the outside so maintenance can access the front of the building. When my cat Murder goes out at night she often gets on the walkway and I can't get here. She's done it twice before and someone rescued her for me. 

Tonight Murder was outside and got on the walkway and I didn't know what to do because I can't count on a stranger appearing. So I ended up taking the screen off a window and removing the window slats and making an opening. Which I'm delighted to say, worked. Murder jumped up and I grabbed her and got her inside and put the window back.

I feel like a superhero. I am THE CAT RESCUER.

I am mighty. (Mighty glad Murder is inside.)

Love y'all Stay safe. And stay off the roads tonight. Drunk drivers will be out.