aka: How I Learned to Stop Listening to Others and Let TikTok Change My Life
Things that happened yesterday: I got internet installed and the very nice man who installed it tried to up-sell me (which is his job) but I thought about what he said and recognized the untruths in his words. My daughter told me I should cut my hair and my Sister in Law told me I should tell my daughter to live her own life and stay out of mine.
And I watched TikTok videos and cried because of inclusion.
Quick background: my daughter is 20 years old so she's young. Oh so young. But she's also aware of things I have no clue about and she introduces me to trends and art that I would never have known about. A long while ago she started doing TikTok videos because everyone was and I signed up to give her follows and likes. I didn't care too much about TikTok at the time and didn't hang around.
Later I discovered TikTok again and watched some hysterical videos and loved it. But within the last six months I discovered that TikTok has something I haven't found on any other website: inclusion.
Not suggesting that trolls don't roam freely and racism and misogyny and transphobia and Islamophobia and Trump loving Republicans aren't there too but... they aren't in my TikTok. Because my TikTok is a combination of humor, mental health, LGBTQIA acceptance (and humor), a butt load of cross dressers and more people stopping to tell me I exist and deserve existence and love and happiness because God doesn't make mistakes and I wasn't a mistake (for you AZ, if you're reading this: the Great Design of Nature, Nurture and DNA made me like I am and I'm perfectly me).
So last night: Mollie told me I should cut my hair and I said no because I love how it looks right now and I'm keeping it this way for me. My SIL told me to put up greater boundaries with Mollie and I said no (because my relationships and boundaries belong to myself and nobody else is invited to tell me how to love).
And I was antsy last night because I'm learning to live alone again so I turned on TikTok and my 'gay auntie' told me I was beautiful and men called out other men for misogyny and Jeffrey Marsh was there and broke my heart open and my favorite influencer told a LOL joke and I felt so good. Because when you realize that TikTok easily lets you create the algorithms for your experience and I watch people who empower others, who love openly, who encourage and step outside boundaries and they open my heart and eyes...
TikTok for me is therapy. It's the place where a gay man in a huge hat in Louisiana tells me he loves me and I feel it. Where black women scold and tell stories and I listen. I admire make-up, I feel people's hearts and I truly, truly believe that these strangers mean every word they're saying.
TikTok is my idea of heaven. You find your people. You find your message. (Even if your message is one of racism or hatred: you do you). It's not about celebrities or blue checkmarks, I don't watch dances or dares: I find the people I need.
Anyway, I just wanted to share. My heart is breaking open a little right now, living by myself there's a thaw of some colder areas that I wasn't aware of and it's very emotional (in a good way). I'm glad I'm not going through it alone. I have my friends, my daughter and a whole bunch of strangers/family on TikTok supporting me through it all.
I...am confused.
ReplyDeleteBefuddlement is underrated.
ReplyDelete...
ReplyDeleteI just like to know if/where/how I fuck up, so I can acknowledge, apologize, make amends if possible, learn and grow from it.
Oh you misunderstand! I mentioned God's design and you, of course, always say by Dog's design or Gog's or whatever... obviously not believing that there's a big, benevolent Santa Claus in the sky who likes racists and murderers and shit... so I was making a joke and including you by changing God's design to the nature/nurture comment.
DeleteSorry to cause any consternation. My sense of humor sometimes only works for me.
Tik Tok huh? I've seen the odd clip - some funny, some not so much - but never thought to get an account. Do you have to post as well or like Insta, you can just like the likable and disregard the rest? It's good to have something that makes you feel the lurve, even from someone you've never met. I might like to find me some people too.
ReplyDeletexx