Fix It or Feel It?

 Hey friends,

have I told you about Megan? No? Okay, well here we go...

Megan came to work at the Vein Clinic with us right before Carol was going to leave to push a tiny human out of her body. Megan had worked for the doctor previously and on her first day with us, another employee walked out during a surgery... anyway, harbinger right there but who knows until life happens.

Life happened a lot. Things went downhill and a  few months later our ultrasound tech walked out and the office closed and I was the last woman standing... 

and Megan (although she left the office earlier) was still standing by my side. I had a friend for life. 

Her journey has been different than mine but there are similarities and we're both working on understanding how we exist and think and function. The amazing thing about this woman is that she absorbs everything like a sponge and then gives it to others (to ME!!!) and it's true wisdom. 

Our conversations are never ending and they flow so naturally. Last time we were together we spoke seamlessly for 3 hours and only stopped because the werewolves were coming out and we needed to leave the park. (Which we had gotten locked in and it was funny and stupid and will one day be a scene in a book I have yet to write).

So this morning I let Megan know that I've decided to search for a different housing situation and she sent me a slideshow/meme/thing about whether it's a Feel It or Fix It situation. Was it something that we needed to discuss and vent or was I indeed, looking for a solution to change what was happening. And I swear, I read this little thing she sent and I cried. Because it really is a Fix It moment. 

But something else is going on and I discovered this yesterday. That in my brother calling me 'that bitch' and now refusing to acknowledge my existence, no doubt he's waiting for me to apologize and grovel. But... this is kind of big... I deserve better than to live with someone who calls me 'that bitch' and his wife who heard it and didn't immediately call him on the misogyny. 

I deserve to be treated as a human, not lesser. And even if it's my brother doing it, no man should ever remain in my life who looks down on me or thinks of me as less. And even though in the past I would have said that, I wouldn't have lived it. And yesterday I realized that I have to live it also so therefore I'm looking for my own place.

Apartments on this island are hard to find and very fucking expensive. But we're in the Fix It scenario so I'll find something. I'll not settle immediately but I'll find what I need. And I realized that it was Megan who brought me to this moment because she refused to accept less for herself and yes, I internalized it finally. I deserve better. I want better.

So welcome Megan to our family (not literally but y'all are my women and so is she).

The family I choose.