Working For One of America's Top 100 Bosses (or How I Like Hawaii So Far)

So I had written an essay about my previous work experience (in the list of things that can only happen to me, it turns out my last employer actually made it onto a national list of America's Top 100 Worst Bosses) but I've decided not to post it. At least not now.

My experience working for him wasn't as bad as many of my co-workers because I have age and experience on my side and I just couldn't be bothered enough to take the crazy home with me. Seriously, I felt a lot more pity because there were obvious issues than I ever felt abused.

But I was happy to leave.

And life has been a really unsettling thing here. My SIL was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and if there's a good kind, then hopefully that's what she has. At least, it isn't very aggressive. But the doctors here are working on Hawaii time and trying to get things moving is like trying to push a mountain a few feet over.

It's driving me crazy because I'd be standing in waiting rooms annoying everyone till things got done.

Mollie has only 3 more days of school and then she's in high school. Carolyn: we became friends when Mollie was in kindergarten.

I've lost 30 pounds. Today we went out for lunch and it was the first time in my life I sat down hungry, could only eat half my meal cause I was full and took home a doggie bag. I almost felt guilty for not being able to eat more.

The fruits and veggies here are freaking amazing. And we grow our own oranges and eating one is like drinking a glass of juice with just a little peel in the way. They are so amazing.

Living with family is nice. It took a long adjustment for all of us and we still get a little peeved at each other but I really like being here with them. I think I didn't realize how lonely I was previously.

Nothing Like a Very Well Written Insult!

Perhaps this should be the oldest profession ...


You go girl!

The Surprise Character

Finally, I'm writing again. It's been hard since I haven't had any space to myself in months and nowhere to set up and get comfy. A writer needs a place to write; at least this writer does. And where I live currently has an 89 year old woman with severe dementia (my SIL's mother) who likes to sit with me when I'm at the kitchen table and tell me about how she doesn't have a working heart, she's related to every president ever and the Pope kills nuns.

Now I have a bedroom of my own. And a desk. And I can write.

So I'm working on a story that is just starting to move and I needed my heroine to get access to spy on someone and so I gave him an older assistant who is starchy and slightly mean. And I love her. She's insulting the heroine right and left and being a wonderful old bitch and she's just what the heroine needs.

So she'll be staying.

She wasn't planned at all and my original intent was to have her get fucked over by the heroine (it would make sense in the context of the story) but well... I like her too much. And it amused me to realize that although the story does have a plot, there's a subtext that I thought I could fill with planned characters but then this starchy old lady showed up and decided to change my plans.

And that makes me so happy.

I've always wondered about writers who have their stories completely mapped out and stay to a plan. I write with a premise in mind and as I write the story starts filling itself in. And the characters evolve and change and sometimes they dictate the story change with them.

So I'm a happy little writer now. I'm letting Ann change the story and change my character and it makes me purr in delight.

Survivor 30 and Courtney Milan Isn't For Me

These two subjects have nothing at all to do with one another.

But Trade Me by Courtney Milan came out awhile ago and everyone gushed about her great contemporary and I thought I need to try it. So I did. And I had to DNF it.

Courtney Milan's voice just doesn't work for me. Not in her historicals and not in her contemporary. I wanted it to. In fact I kept reading long past the moment I realized I disliked it trying so hard to find a reason to keep reading but no... Didn't like the characters, thought the plot was implausible and just cannot read her.

Taste is what taste is.

Speaking of taste: I've not kept my Survivor addiction a secret and last night (as of the writing of this) was the season finale and Jesus, Joseph and Mary was it something to watch.

To begin, this season has had some of the most unlikable players ever. Not villains, just plain unlikable people. I would have been happy if a monsoon had swept the island and ended the season early: everyone who was even slightly worth watching got voted out too soon and the miserable pissants stayed.

It was also a season full of some of the worst televised misogyny outside of C-Span. With Dan casually saying that someone should strike Shirin and shut her up, Will's tirade where he told Shirin that nobody in the world loved her or missed her (as well as everyone just watching the train wreck till Mike showed up and shut it down)... and the men's casual treatment of Sierra as a nothing in their alliance. Oh it was hard shit to watch.

So last night Dan said he would never have said that about Shirin if he knew her history with domestic violence and Jeff nailed him: domestic violence or not, that remark is and will always be wrong. And Will's half hearted apology which Shirin refused (bless her, fuck forgiveness when the person asking for it is just pandering).

Mike won the game (yay) by winning almost all of the challenges and just proving to be a better player than the others. Carolyn (Mama C) wasn't very nice and seeing the anger on her face when she discovered Shirin was invited to Season 31 and she wasn't, was a piece of televised chocolate (yeah, you were bitchy and false to your friends and you might have played a good game but you're not a good person).

And that gorgeous hunk, Joe, with his tight little man-bun is returning for another chance in Season 31 too so maybe life on the island will be better next time.

Here's hoping.

Il Divo: The Song That Won My Heart - Senza Catene or Unchained Melody

I had to post this; I think it's a better rendition than the CD recording. They would make great Romance heroes (and have ;-) )

The Friend Zone by Kristen Callihan

Gray doesn’t make friends with women. He has sex with them. Until Ivy.
The last thing star tight-end Gray Grayson wants to do is drive his agent’s daughter’s bubblegum pink car. But he needs the wheels and she’s studying abroad. Something he explains when she sends him an irate text to let him know exactly how much pain she’ll put him in if he crashes her beloved ride. Before he knows it, Ivy Mackenzie has become his best texting bud. But then Ivy comes home and everything goes haywire. Because the only thing Gray can think of is being with Ivy.
Ivy doesn’t have sex with friends. Especially not with a certain football player. No matter how hot he makes her…
Gray drives Ivy crazy. He’s irreverent, sex on a stick, and completely off limits. Because, Ivy has one golden rule: never get involved with one of her father’s clients. A rule that’s proving harder to keep now that Gray is doing his best to seduce her. Her best friend is fast becoming the most irresistible guy she’s ever met.
Which means Gray is going to have to use all his skills to win Ivy’s heart. Game on.

BIG ASS SPOILERS AHEAD....

Have you ever read a book that's so  fucking good you can't stand it and then out of nowhere it becomes a completely different book?

The Friend Zone was that book for me.

Ivy and Gray are an awesome couple. They become best friends with an easy chemistry. Funny and brash, they're complete equals and delightful to read. I mean, I was in love with both of them by page 2. This was easily one of the best books I'd read this year, it was so delicious.

For possibly 70% of the book it was all fun and funny with heart felt sexual longing and good heat and believable. I freaking fracking loved it.

Then they became a couple. Maybe 70% in. It was awesome. Gray was the perfect hero and Ivy was a fun heroine and they loved each other and should be a HEA and life is good. If only the book ended there.

It didn't.

So we know that Gray's mother died of cancer. And Ivy's parents are divorced, but both successful. But none of that really matters except for understanding who these characters are. But then after everything they get together and in the last part of the book:

Grey's brother, hitherto unmentioned, shows up to fight with Gray. Unnecessarily.
Ivy has a lump on her breast and Gray freaks out.
Gray falls apart because his mother died from breast cancer.
Ivy doesn't have breast cancer, she's pregnant.
Gray wants to get married.
Ivy doesn't want to get married and doesn't know if she wants the baby.
Ivy decides to have the baby.
Gray plays an important game and Ivy miscarries during the game.
Gray is mad that the big game wasn't interupted so he could be with Ivy.
Gray's dad shows up for no reason whatsoever and disappears as quickly.
Ivy and Gray get over the miscarriage.
Ivy and Gray decide to get married.

It was like this perfectly wonderful book with amazing humor and heat that suddenly, so near the end, became a fucking soap opera. It was horrible. I was so pissed.

So my suggestion: read the book because it's wonderful. When Gray and Ivy become a couple, pretend the book says THE END and stop reading.

You'll thank me for it.

Woo Hoo!

The Lady Julia series by Deanna Raybourn is going to be a movie!  (of some type)

"So, chickens, how much would you enjoy knowing that the producer of the Lady Julia series has been emailing me about CASTING? I can't say anything beyond this: he's a genius and his ideas are wonderful and I'm dizzy-happy. YOU WILL BE TOO!"

Love the books:

Can't wait for the movie! The first book, Silent in the Grave, has the best opening sentence(s) I've ever read: "To say I met Nicholas Brisbane over my husband's dead body is not entirely accurate. Edward, it should be noted, was still twitching upon the floor."

Oh yeah ... and off we go!

Some Thoughts

I'm reading Eloisa James' memoir Paris In Love which is a compilation of thoughts and Facebook posts during the year she lived in Paris. I followed her on Facebook that year and was entranced with her Paris writings but stopped following when she came back to the states and just became another Facebook author plugging her wares.

The book is lovely though but misses having an actual narrative. I love books about Americans adapting to foreign countries because I could never do it but I find it so terribly romantic.

****

This is Western Week in my little town of Honoka'a. We went to the kick off parade where we saw a lot of people on horseback.

The big part of the week is the block party on Friday. I plan to attend. Rumor has it that if one is a properly bad girl, one can get thrown into the hoosegow.

I have a goal now  :)

****

I haven't been writing in almost 8 months and have started slowly getting back to it. It's hard and exciting at the same time. The possibilities come flooding back and it's wonderful to exist in that place. But on the other hand there's a fear now that I just can't write anymore.

****

While sitting watching the western parade yesterday, my brother kept exclaiming how much he loved living in a small town.

I was at the dump the other morning (we have no trash service, or mail...) and a man got out of the car ahead of me and was possibly in his early 60s, shirtless, brown and gorgeous. I mean, body of a 30 year old and drool worthy.

I really love the small town too.

****

My daughter went on a school sponsored camping trip and one of the boys was trying to claim her as a girlfriend. She wasn't having any of it but there was satisfaction  in her that it happened.

Even if one doesn't want a certain fella's attention, doesn't mean you don't appreciate that someone wants to give you some.

On the other hand, she intends to make sure he knows she doesn't want his attention so I pity the young man.

The Forgotten Seamstress by Liz Trenow

A shy girl with no family, Maria knows she's lucky to have landed in the sewing room of the royal household. Before World War I casts its shadow, she catches the eye of the Prince of Wales, a glamorous and intense gentleman. But her life takes a far darker turn, and soon all she has left is a fantastical story about her time at Buckingham Palace.

Decades later, Caroline Meadows discovers a beautiful quilt in her mother's attic. When she can't figure out the meaning of the message embroidered into its lining, she embarks on a quest to reveal its mystery, a puzzle that only seems to grow more important to her own heart. As Caroline pieces together the secret history of the quilt, she comes closer and closer to the truth about Maria.

 

I read this book in a day because I was fascinated with Maria's story. An orphan who becomes an accomplished seamstress whose life is altered horribly when she catches the Prince's eye.

The story is told through two views: Maria recounting her story to a psych student on tape and then Caroline's story, who discovers the quilt Maria had made and goes on a journey to discover Maria's truth. And her own.

I'll say I didn't like the ending because it was too neatly tied up and false but I loved the book. Maria's story of her imprisonment  in a mental institution and the world's refusal to listen to her truths and dismiss them as fantasy... it was a great story. And knowing that there was historical truth in it, that women were hidden away when they were inconvenient.

The writing was good. The story with Caroline was more obvious and by the numbers. Not a romance at all and not a happy book, it was a good read and Maria's story was compelling.

True Pretenses by Rose Lerner

I can't get the book cover to load so pretend you're looking at a picture here...

The blurb: 
Lively St. Lemeston Book 2
Never steal a heart unless you can afford to lose your own.
Through sheer force of will, Ash Cohen raised himself and his younger brother from the London slums to become the best of confidence men. He’s heartbroken to learn Rafe wants out of the life, but determined to grant his brother his wish.
It seems simple: find a lonely, wealthy woman. If he can get her to fall in love with Rafe, his brother will be set. There’s just one problem—Ash can’t take his eyes off her.
Heiress Lydia Reeve is immediately drawn to the kind, unassuming stranger who asks to tour her family’s portrait gallery. And if she married, she could use the money from her dowry for her philanthropic schemes. The attraction seems mutual and oh so serendipitous—until she realizes Ash is determined to matchmake for his younger brother.
When Lydia’s passionate kiss puts Rafe’s future at risk, Ash is forced to reveal a terrible family secret. Rafe disappears, and Lydia asks Ash to marry her instead. Leaving Ash to wonder—did he choose the perfect woman for his brother, or for himself?


What a fucking fantastic book!

Ash is a perfect hero with a horrific background, a con he's running and a heart as big as  an ocean. He thinks little of himself, mostly because of the secrets he carries, but he really is stalwart in many ways.

Lydia is a good heroine. She's mired in grief since her father died: she's a politician without politics, a hostess without a social life, an heiress without money. Her brother who she's hanging all her hopes on is secretly gay and quite miserable.And very, very good at running away.

So when Ash and Lydia spin into each other's orbits... it's beautiful.Ash wants Lydia for his brother, Lydia wants Ash and truly, Ash really does want Lydia for himself.

The best part of the book is that Ash and Lydia are both con men in their own rights and much of the cons they use involve honesty. So Ash slowly tells Lydia every truth about himself, Lydia slowly faces the truths of her own life and ambitions and a beautiful love story unfolds.

I liked everything about this book. There was such a huge vulnerability to Ash where he was a walking, gaping wound but still strong and so needing someone like Lydia to love him as she did. And Lydia was so strong and aware but capable of seeing her own faults and slights and becoming a better person.

One of the best books I've read this year. I can't recommend it highly enough.

And Speaking of Mother's Day

My first ever being a mother at Mother's Day (13 years ago) and we went to a Mother's Day brunch where the surliest waiter in history ruined the entire experience. He was hateful to us, nice to other tables and when we left I spoke to the manager and told him that he ruined what shoulkd have been a great day.

My first Mother's Day.

Mollie's birthday is on the 13th and since the two days are so close together I've made it a habit to ignore Mother's Day and concentrate on the birthday.

Today, I think, was my first real, real Mother's Day.

Yellow roses, a coffee cup and a mirror as well as French toast and bacon for breakfast. All done by my daughter.

I'm on cloud 9.

The Meaning of Life

Is to be alive.

I just read those words and they're resonating pretty strongly right now.

I was over at Aztec Lady's blog reading about the fractures in romancelandia while my own personal life is having some pretty hard times. And I'm looking at all the schisms, all the unhappiness and problems and also the pleasures and joys still out there and I realized that I have it pretty well made.

Because tonight my family will be sitting together at dinner, the adults drinking margaritas and laughing and for that moment tonight, the world will be all right. Later today I'm going to call Carolyn and we'll talk for a good hour about books and life and I'll feel connected. And I'll end the evening tonight sitting with my daughter watching the season finale of Gotham, eating cookies and gasping and giggling and there will be love and connection.

It's about connection. At least, it is for me.

Connections break and with that, we feel adrift. As women we're socialized to relate to the world via our personal relationships. We're taught to clean the house, cook and provide a home for the family. We know that we'll provide the first home via our wombs of our children and good chance many women will be providing the last homes and caregiving for their aging parents.

We're the connection between the family, the community and the world. It's not politics although politics come into it. It's who we are. Who we're taught to be.

This is a little rambling because I feel like something is broke in a lot of different places and I don't know how to fix it. Some is fixable: my job isn't working for me or my employer and I need to find something where my skills work and I can be useful. I'm not getting fired but I am getting discouraged beyond belief and I don't like living this way.

My home life is pretty okay but I don't feel like I have my feet under me completely. Part of it is financial, part of it is missing what I had. Mollie told me the other night that she misses it being just the two of us and although I feel happier with family, I feel sad that my daughter and I struggle to hold onto us. What we like about us.

Online I'm completely adrift. All of my communities are gone. Dear Author used to be my blog home but now I go there and feel wary. Any time I see a NA book reviewed I feel like I'm being ambushed. I don't trust that they have my best interests at heart. I lost my trust. Facebook is the same. If someone isn't trying to sell me something then they're trying to influence my vote, my tastes, myself.

I'm writing because I need some escape from all this. But even that is making me feel fractured because a part of me feels guilty to think that my writing is for sale. I write to be read and because I like my $40 Amazon royalties because they put gas in the car. But I feel deceptive online as an author.

It's a fucking mess. Thank God for margaritas tonight.

My Turn

Carolyn has been posting videos and I thought I'd post one too.

This group is called EXO. They're Korean and Chinese and my daughter recently discovered them and um...  I have no words.

What do you think?

18th Century Rock and Roll

Sexy violinists - who knew?  Thank you, David Garrett (you sexy thing)!

Try

I don't know if it's the woman, the song, the choreography - ah, it's probably all three. It just gels with me. This video is just as good as the Oscar one(was it the Oscars?*scratching head*). Hard to believe she can sing with the incredible acrobatics she does, but this is live and you can hear her breathing near the end.

Just a phenomenal talent.

SALE !!

I'm playing with price points and Amazon deals so right now YESTERDAY'S HEADLINE  

is on sale for 99 cents.

Lea made that gorgeous cover. 

(Lea made a prettier cover that Amazon wouldn't allow because a hand was covering a breast. Oh well. )

Pretty, huh?

Anyway, it's an inter-racial romance set in Hollywood with a black actress named Kipper Dale who has Mommy issues and a hot guy with a ponytail named Hurst who finances restaurants and has brother issues.

The hero is hot, the heroine is smart and fierce and I'm proud of this book.