Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Will (or Where There's a KA Book, There's a Way)

So KA's newest, The Will ... um, yeah. It's an interesting book.

It's really long.

It's set in Maine.

It has an uptight, white heroine whose ass is housing not one stick but an entire forest and a hero who owns a gym and a titty bar. But it's okay because all the women in the titty bar are gorgeous, intelligent, rich and not demeaned in any way.

Interesting side note: at one point in the story when the ultra-famous, black, hip-hop artist shows up with his posse and they all go to the said titty bar, later there's a throwaway line that everyone got laid that night. The hot brothers and the unhot ones too because they were paying the girls well. So basically KA made all these gorgeous women prostitutes also but in a completely throw-away sense. Like paying topless dancers to sleep with you doesn't make them hookers. Say what?

But we're in KA's world where all the men who have muscles whether in Colorado, LA, Maine or Buttfuck, USA sound exactly the same. No regional accents, no deviation in dropping g's or anything. They can all say 'babe' and mean 'Fourscore and seven years ago...'

Okay, so like here's the real deal with the book. I hated the heroine.

KA likes to write heroines who are gorgeous, every man wants them and usually they're self-deprecating and funny. This one, Josie, is so beautiful that no man who meets her can help himself but make a play, she has one night stands with ultra-famous, black, hip-hop artists who then pine for her because who wouldn't want a gorgeous woman with a forest up her ass and a dictionary down her throat and a heart that's encased in glass.

Oh yeah, Josie isn't just growing trees in her bum, she speaks like a Jane Austen heroine who's growing trees up her bum.

"But now I'm in a lovely frock, you look very handsome in your suit, you're very gallant which is most charming, and we're at a fabulous restaurant where I'm certain we'll partake of an excellent meal."

Yeah, that's a direct quote.

And men want her. Why?

KA tells a good story and she gets the whole idea of why we read romance because her stories are full of romance. You watch her characters get to know each other, you see their day to day interactions and by the time they declare their love, you believe in it too.

I just didn't believe that anyone could love the heroine because I found her the most absurd character I've ever read. The book just didn't work for me.


  1. I have to side with Jane of Dear Author on this book. The heroine didn't bother me at all. In fact, I was glad to learn that KA knew words other than babe and fuck (in its various incarnations).

    The only character that upset me was Gran, and she was dead for the whole damn book but she managed to make her presence felt, dead or not. The last letter at the end was the straw that broke this camel's back; if I wasn't reading on my Fire, I'd have thrown it across the room. Sometimes KA is TOO romantic and descends into farce. Anyway, I wanted to kick Gran in the ass. She was more perfect than the heroine and knew every damn thing and maybe that's why I could accept Josie, because I was too busy hating Gran to even care about Josie's eccentricities.

    And anyway, you know I love my eccentrics. ;-)

    1. Gran and her letters was almost farcical.

      I wouldn't have minded Josie's language if it was more grounded in naturalness. But she sounded like someone who learned to speak English from reading old British novels.