December Disasters

 The State of my state or the craziness that is my family or what do you do when you no longer hate?

This is a lot and I'm writing it to get it out. Starting with: I went in October to see my father and be with my siblings and a huge part of my life felt a lot more settled after that. The relationships with my siblings is brilliant (finally) and we have a group chat with the three of us that's getting a huge work-out. It's one of the highlights of my life currently.

So my father's 95th birthday is in March and he wanted everyone to come see him and we decided to. We're getting a B&B in downtown Asheville and all siblings and spouses will be there (Mollie declined an invitation) and it was fun to plan time together again. Howevs, thankfully no one got their plane tickets ...

My father got hospitalized with a chest infection. He took a couple of falls so off to the hospital he went and they pumped him full of antibiotics and then decided to put him in a rehab center to regain his strength before going home.

Because he was bored he called his kids. A lot. And I had some nice conversations with him. He got very involved with my home buying journey. He told stories about his life after he left the family. 

Then he got COVID. So instead of going home they readmitted him back into the hospital. A 94 year old with COVID is not working with statistics on their side. And then he did what he's always done and he acted the ass. He checked himself out of the hospital AMA (against medical advice) and he went home. With COVID. To his 80 year old wife. Who has/had polio. Who walks with a walker. Who he's yelling at to nursemaid him.

Anyway, all of this and moving/buying a house has put me in one of my biggest depressive episodes in a long time. I move in three weeks and I can't get out of bed most days. I eat one meal daily, I'm exhausted and there's so much to do. 

My brother's birthday is tomorrow and he came to have me take him to lunch today which was a godsend. It forced me to shower and get dressed and finally take my laundry to the laundromat and get some clean undies. We spent over 2 hours just talking and it gave me the energy I needed to take care of laundry. I still have a shitload of boxes to pack and I need to get my car cleaned out to sell it and I'm just laying in bed reading and sleeping.

Anyway, I wanted to write some of this out to get it off my chest and maybe aid myself in getting on track. Comments are off (if I did it right). I just needed to read my own words right now.

Moving to Decatur

 You would think I never bought a home before. (I kind of haven't, not like this). Anyway, my little house in Decatur will officially be mine in 10 days. The seller repaired everything we asked except the roof and they're dropping the price because I will replace the roof myself in spring.

My apartment is boxes and chaos. The cool thing about moving is purging things. All the little things that have taken up space for too long that bring no joy. And then the things that make me smile or feel lighter in my soul. Knowing those things will follow me and continue to bring happiness.

It's just exhausting to be doing all this. Much of my furniture is gone, I'm keeping my bed and desk until the last minute and most everything else is being given to neighbors. It would cost less to replace certain things than to just buy them new.

Anyway, I sleep, I pack, I stress. And in a little over three weeks I'll be on the mainland freezing my patootie off.

Cheers.

The State of My State

 

Life is lifing right now and I'm trying not to get stuck in my depression but I'm failing. I had an allergic reaction to the second weight loss injection so I simply cannot take these medications. I used an EpiPen last night to keep my face from swelling and that was an unpleasant experience also. And I still work up with my face red and tight with a rash.

I won't say how expensive all this was and it was just throwing money away. I'm so unhappy.

I spoke to my realtor and told her to pull me out of the house deal. She called me back and said the buyer was freaking out because he claims that inspection report mis-stated a lot of things (he said there's no roof leaks at all) and he's desperate to see the deal go through (my realtor thinks he bought a new place which is contingent on his current home selling). She asked me if I was willing to negotiate.

Since I think the house is a really good size and fit for me, we decided to give them a chance. We'll accept a second inspection and they fix whatever that inspection shows. (Except if the roof is leaking I'm out). There were three things in the inspection that were deal breakers for me so they either have to prove its untrue or get it fixed.

So I'm in a neither here nor there state. Which adds to my damned depression. 

I'm having a hard time getting out of bed. And I'm whiny. 

Home, Horrible Home

 

Thank God everything is refundable. The home inspection report came in today and unless the seller is putting on a new roof and fixing the gas leak ... lol

I'm disappointed but pleased I covered my ass. 

The search continues

Just Stuff

So I'd had one injection of Zepbound (weight loss drug) and had an allergic reaction so that was that for Zepbound. However, the effects of that one injection just started to wear off and now I see what the drug does: it completely obliterates your appetite and silences all the food noise in your head.

I've spent the last week and a half with no appetite and no thoughts of food. I often had to remind myself to eat after a whole day went by with no interest in eating. It's not a good situation in the sense that not eating affects your brain function (might be why I slept 18 hours) and your body doesn't want to let go of your fat because it's undernourished.

Anyway, I start a new med tomorrow and I met with a nutritionist today. We're working on an eating plan that will hopefully put me where I need to go.

The house inspection is today and I should hopefully have the report by the end of the day tomorrow. I'm not especially nervous because if the house sale falls through there will always be something else. I now know where I want to live and everything so far is refundable.

If everything goes according to plan then I'll be living in Decatur in one month and 4 days.

And it's a one day (one long day) drive from my front door to Carolyn's front door. 3 hour drive to see my old friend Clark. 

I'll keep the blog updated.

 So I'm gathering all my meds for moving to have enough and found out that my anti-depressant is on the highest dose and it's not supposed to be taken on that dose for more than 6 months. WTH??

Anyway, I'll start titrating to a lower dose so as not to affect my health.

Why did all my doctors leave me on a dangerous dose?

Marjorie Taylor Green

 I have a theory.

I've heard the men talking about MTG and her reasons for leaving congress. I've heard them pontificate over her reasons for standing up for the Epstein survivors and coming into the MAGA crosshairs. And I imagine some of those theories are true. But I have a theory of my own:
Marjorie Taylor Green is a survivor of sexual assault.

I have no proof. This is my supposition. But hear me out: Epstein became the hill she was willing to die on. Her disgust for children's sexual predators was loud and very much out there. She never backed down from this one.

I think men will look at the politics and say she's distancing herself from the MAGA implosion. She might be. As a woman I question why she never wavered on this knowing that Donald Trump's name is all over those reports. And that's because she's invested, personally invested, in seeing predator's brought to justice. Because hers never was.

It's 100% speculation and might never be known. But as a survivor I know I'm watching another survivor do the only thing she knows she has to do and that's save at least one other girl from what she went through.