I retired last year in June. I had reached a point of knowing I just couldn't keep doing what I was doing any longer. My work situation was too toxic, my boss a raging bully and my coworkers barely functioning through the constant shell shock.
I didn't know what retirement would look like. I thought I would take classes. I hoped I would write again.
One year later and I can say that retirement looks nothing like I imagined. I sleep a lot more. I dislike taking classes. I bake (and cook) so much more. I read. I write. I sew. I heal.
I'm in therapy twice a week. The changes in my body and daily living are immense. Moving away from toxicity and finally being in a nurturing, safe environment has led to greater healing in my body and soul.
I'm lonely. I don't have a community here and most of my days are spent alone. I FaceTime with Mollie a couple of times a week. We have movie marathons about once a month.
Carolyn and I still talk a lot but it's moved from daily to a little less. Sometimes we just have nothing at all to say.
I miss the structure of having a job but not working. I'm trying to create habits regarding sleep, waking up and cleaning.
The best thing that's taken place in the last year is creating boundaries in my family so now my inner voice is starting to become kinder. When you are no longer hearing about your failures and shortcomings, it gets easier to stop pointing them out to yourself.
It isn't perfect but there's a calm in my life I never experienced before. My pleasures are more intense. My sorrows are more manageable.
Retire when you can. It's a
As someone who also has no community locally, I wish I had some magical words to alleviate the loneliness. Alas, not so much; what community I have is 99% online, and the day job is the only thing that ties me (however loosely--it's past 1:30am on a Monday as I type) to a routine. I hope we both find ways to improve our sleeping schedules at least.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to know that you are now more able to set boundaries with the toxic people in your life; you deserve to find joy in your life, every day.
<3
I just read that fires are popping up in Maui, and one of them is already and growing, on the southern end of the island; forgive me for not remembering where exactly you are, but please, if you are near any of them, ready your go bag, and be safe.
DeleteAz, I wasn't even aware there were more fires on Maui so thank you for letting me know. I live on the island of Hawaii in Hilo, aka the wet side. The other side of our island has had some bad fires in pasture lands. It's heartbreaking to see scorched earth.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear there's so much good happening, though sorry about the loneliness. As someone who hasn't worked outside the home in almost 20 years, I hear you about the lack of structure and the being alone. Routines really do help, especially if you can find ones you genuinely enjoy.
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