Home, Horrible Home

 

Thank God everything is refundable. The home inspection report came in today and unless the seller is putting on a new roof and fixing the gas leak ... lol

I'm disappointed but pleased I covered my ass. 

The search continues

Just Stuff

So I'd had one injection of Zepbound (weight loss drug) and had an allergic reaction so that was that for Zepbound. However, the effects of that one injection just started to wear off and now I see what the drug does: it completely obliterates your appetite and silences all the food noise in your head.

I've spent the last week and a half with no appetite and no thoughts of food. I often had to remind myself to eat after a whole day went by with no interest in eating. It's not a good situation in the sense that not eating affects your brain function (might be why I slept 18 hours) and your body doesn't want to let go of your fat because it's undernourished.

Anyway, I start a new med tomorrow and I met with a nutritionist today. We're working on an eating plan that will hopefully put me where I need to go.

The house inspection is today and I should hopefully have the report by the end of the day tomorrow. I'm not especially nervous because if the house sale falls through there will always be something else. I now know where I want to live and everything so far is refundable.

If everything goes according to plan then I'll be living in Decatur in one month and 4 days.

And it's a one day (one long day) drive from my front door to Carolyn's front door. 3 hour drive to see my old friend Clark. 

I'll keep the blog updated.

 So I'm gathering all my meds for moving to have enough and found out that my anti-depressant is on the highest dose and it's not supposed to be taken on that dose for more than 6 months. WTH??

Anyway, I'll start titrating to a lower dose so as not to affect my health.

Why did all my doctors leave me on a dangerous dose?

Marjorie Taylor Green

 I have a theory.

I've heard the men talking about MTG and her reasons for leaving congress. I've heard them pontificate over her reasons for standing up for the Epstein survivors and coming into the MAGA crosshairs. And I imagine some of those theories are true. But I have a theory of my own:
Marjorie Taylor Green is a survivor of sexual assault.

I have no proof. This is my supposition. But hear me out: Epstein became the hill she was willing to die on. Her disgust for children's sexual predators was loud and very much out there. She never backed down from this one.

I think men will look at the politics and say she's distancing herself from the MAGA implosion. She might be. As a woman I question why she never wavered on this knowing that Donald Trump's name is all over those reports. And that's because she's invested, personally invested, in seeing predator's brought to justice. Because hers never was.

It's 100% speculation and might never be known. But as a survivor I know I'm watching another survivor do the only thing she knows she has to do and that's save at least one other girl from what she went through.

MONSTA X 몬스타엑스 'baby blue' MV/ Moving

My boys *sigh*

Anyway ... I have arranged movers, car shipping, bought airline tickets, started packing. I'm moving. I'm really, honestly moving. Next Tuesday is the house inspection and unless the foundation is cracked or it's crawling with termites (yuck) ...  everything is refundable. 

The hardest thing is trying to figure out the easiest transport for the cats. It's a long trip and I'm ordering a cat carrier for multiple cats but I don't think it will be allowed in the cabin. And I despise the idea of sticking them in cargo. I'll call the airline tomorrow to figure it out.

I started the weight loss injection and I had a bad reaction to the medication. My face rashed and swelled. I can't take it. We're trying another med and hopefully that one will work better. If not then I'll be really upset.My doctor ordered me EPI Pens just in case. 

I'm having a slightly hard time emotionally because it's a lot of putting out money in my life right now and being uncertain how it all goes. But I have to remember how time works: you worry about something and then the day comes and you get through it and then you're living your life wondering what was the big deal.

Anyway, the above song, Baby Blue, has been ear worming me into a stupor and is keeping me sane. I love my boys so much. 

In Chaos, Comes Control

 My sister told me that she and her wife bought their house over 20 years ago and have never changed a single piece of furniture nor moved any. They haven't painted a wall or changed out drawer pulls. 

I was in shock. Absolute shock. I move furniture every couple of months. I'm always looking for ways to make my home fit me better. Looking for that magic feeling of "ah".

Anyway, I'm buying a house. I saw a listing and fell in love. We did a walk through yesterday and although I saw some things the pictures hid (naughty listing) I tossed and turned on it and realized that for my budget, looking for a move in ready home with charm in a safe neighborhood, this was my best option. And certain things about this house really make me happy.

Nuff said.

Anyway, today we low balled an offer and they countered under my sticking point and fixing an electrical problem and so we're going forward. I intend to start 2026 in my new home.

I realize to most people this would be absolute insanity. Buying a home I haven't walked in, in a town I've never seen based on a decision I made about two weeks ago. But for me this is what I do best. I leap, trusting my gut. My intuition has never gotten much of a workout, so when I make a rash decision based solely on my gut (okay, there's a lot of thought going into this) I usually find myself making a good decision. Things might go wonky much later because ... life, but these jumping off points in my life generally prove to be the right thing for me.

I'm terrified to tell people. Carolyn who has seen me sell a house in Seattle, buy a condo in Tukwila, sell everything and move to Hawaii, lose my feeling of safety and move into an apartment owning only a bed ... she's not surprised. But most other people will be. And yet, deep in my gut ...

Anyway, my old friend Clark lives three hours away in Chicago and I'm hoping I'll see him again. Carolyn and I will live in the same time zone and I intend to come calling. 

Trusting myself: it's one of the things I do best.

The Body Rewrites Its History

 

I dreamt of Molly

Who still lives in the same house

With two new children

And one less husband

But not

In my dream

In my dream 

She walked

In footsteps I left

And danced

In the music

I made

Molly 

Who I forgave

Years ago

Took my path

And made it hers

And when we walked

We were 

Woman and shadow

Or two women

Leaving no shadows

I was happy

And my choice, I knew

Deep down I knew

Was correct

It isn’t a dream

When I travel back

To where my body split 

In the living room

Of the Laurelhurst house

My father with his pants

Around his ankles

And my body shivering

In the cold

“Take her away”

My therapist whispers

And finally I do

Holding her trembles

While my father

Who once looked so scary

Sits fat and flaccid

And finally alone

And we leave no shadows

As we stand in the window

Of my memory

With a new history

To celebrate