Happy Valentine's Day

 this is really rough and unedited but hell...  it's my blog after all...

Valentine's Day

I tell myself stories

about myself

and all the lives

I never lived

the sun knows my secrets

and finds them

plain

They raised me to lose me

at a young age

with no concern

to how.

Whether a stranger

in a tan car

on a rainy night

offering a ride

or a bottle of pills

after my father

crushed me

as long as I was gone

they wanted a memory

not a daughter

but I refused to die

Instead I was lost

to myself

for most of a lifetime

and would you believe

that today is February 14

the day devoted

to lovers

and the first time

my Valentine

is a real person and not a story

whispered

in a dark room

I'm not the verse

of another's song

or the chorus of my own:

I'm the whole damn orchestra

I'm cacophony

cymbals flying

a pounding drum

a horn blaring

and a whisper

of a violin's string

a flute's frill

I buy myself chocolates

and cheesecake

take myself to the ocean

and say “why look at that

it has a story too

although smaller than yours”

maybe the sun

pretends to be unimpressed

because my brightness

dwarfs it

Valentine's Day

this year

is not for lovers

it exists for me

to revel

in my breasts

my belly

my thick thighs

me

I am

the best lover

I can find

because this love

wasn't supposed to happen

I insisted on living

I will always

insist on living

and when the choice

is no longer mine

I'll be damned

if I go alone in the dark

I'll have stories

of this life

a marvelous tale

of a woman

born to be forgotten

who decided to live

and love herself

with ferocity

because this world

belongs to me