Giving Thanks? Thanks That it's Done

 HerHandsMyHands

Check out Az's new blog post: Be the Helpers. She says it way better than I can, and I needed the nudge after Thanksgiving to reach out to someone outside my immediate family and help out a little.

It wasn't a bad holiday, by any means but my feelings are hurt, and as happens often with family, ignored. My sister did a family Thanksgiving text and left me off it. I thought we were in a good place. We're not. And after years of being hurt by this, I want to be done. Her wife dislikes me and that's all there is. So I'm done. No more trying. It isn't painful. We've been silent before. But this time has one difference: this time I know that I'm not missing out on anything. She is. 

Other hurt feeling was that my brother, when talking to another family member on a family phone call said his wife did the entire Thanksgiving meal by herself without the use of an oven (long story but she has a convection oven, pizza over, gas grill...). There were 6 dishes on our Thanksgiving table and I made three of them. After the phone call I said he made me sound like I had just watched tv while Myrna slaved on the meal and he went running. No acknowledgement, no apology.

I sound whiny. But it's those things that make you step back. and I'm stepping back. I did tell them that with Christmas being on a Monday and having to work on Tuesday, I'm not going to their house that day. Which I had decided earlier. Christmas, for me, is about Mollie. Without Mollie then it's about Carolyn. 

And Carolyn can't get on this blog anymore so she'll never read this. Here's the thing. Carolyn is my person. I grew up starry-eyed and romantical and thought some strapping lumberjack with a big dick would show up and be the one. But it's an older woman in Alabama who has been the most constant family I've ever known, would truly give me her last dime and will never have the understanding of why this weird little Jewish woman in Hawaii adores her so but there it is: Carolyn is my person and it's not romantic or sexual but will be the greatest love I've ever known

So every Christmas I try to do something for her that nobody else has ever done. It doesn't always score. But there are one or two she still mentions.

This Christmas for Carolyn: I made her a quilt 2 years ago that was never completed. It's completed... mostly. It got sent to a company to long-arm quilt it and then send it to Carolyn. She should receive it within the month. A lot of the fabric on the quilt is ocean/fish themed. She loves fish and aquariums. So I got her a fake aquarium with fake fish. Also, some hand crafted fish and a turtle that she can place on the bed or next to the aquarium. Or make into a mobile (her sister can do that).

I hope she loves it. I want her to have fish because she loves them. 

Sorry for the long whine. But now it's all off the chest and can be put away. We still have the rest of a long holiday weekend and there's turkey sandwiches and a fake tree to put up.

Love y'all. Women are awesome. Stay safe.