A new year. A new beginning. A new chance to grow and learn. To come closer to being who it s you really want to be. To a life not mired in regret or sadness. To a life lived and a life appreciated.
My so-far defining moment happened on Christmas day. We sat together around the tree and unwrapped presents. Mollie almost busted a gut in joy, so many K-Pop things she wanted. Video games, clothes, gift cards. I was so happy to see her excitement.
I didn't get what I really wanted most. There were two books I asked for and a 2018 calendar. They were the things I wanted most. And I didn't get them. I did get other things I wanted: a shoe rack, a beautiful journal, new pillows. But I wanted those books and disappointment settled into me like an unwanted but persistent friend.
Later that day more family came and Mary gave me a present she made herself: a purple shawl/blouse, flowy and light weight and made for me. Made expressly for me. Everyone had a story about how frustrating it was for her to make it to my changing size, to figure my bust and height, and to make something she'd never made before but to want to take the time and effort because, as she told me later, she wanted to recognize how much I do for my family that goes unsung.
That was the moment the window opened and I got it. Almost 60 years old and I got it. I went onto Amazon and ordered the books I wanted. I told Mollie we were going to go and find me a perfect calendar for 2018. I refused to allow the disappointment I knew so well to take a deeper root.
Mollie and I discussed it yesterday in the car. I told her about my epiphany. I told her that it doesn't matter our age, we are always growing and learning and to embrace it. It's okay to be sad about something or disappointed in someone but does that have to be what defines you?
A lot of other things have happened since I started this post. But right now I'm going to end this. We have a long haul.
It's almost 2018.
I can't wait for the new year.
That blouse is gorgeous and you are looking fabulous Lori! I hope you and the fam had a great day.
ReplyDeleteI understand the disappointment thing, I felt it on my birthday but as you say, take it as a chance to grow and learn, not to dwell on what might have been. One thing I learned is that if I really want something, no matter the hints, I should just buy/make it myself lol
I wish I had known of the calendar. For the least several years, I have made my own so that I get to see each month what I want to see, and not just one or two pics. I shall make you one next year! Just remind me...
I hope in the meantime that you manage to find the one you want. I also hope that 2018 brings to you all the love, joy, luck and everything else you deserve. Love ya long time!!
Also, Happy New Year to Carolyn and all your readers. I wish for you also the very best of the new year. We're going to kick butt, I can tell!
BIG HUGS
xxx