I haven't been writing, not really. I've painted furniture and done day trips with my daughter and even took a nap but opening up the Word program and writing well, not so much
Because I'm terrified of failing.
I thought that maybe I'm just being too ambitious and I should write something else. Maybe I should hide behind my own silliness and not do this. What happens if I write it and it's awful? What happens if this story that means so much to me is crap in everyone else's eyes?
What if I'm not good enough to write something ambitious?
What if I am?
I know it's all bullshit. You don't get to be an old fart and not know when you're blowing smoke up your own ass. So I'm scared of failing and writing a shitty book. I won't know until I do it. So I might as well do it.
Yesterday I finally sat down with my nano project and culled the good stuff which was pretty okay. I saved about 35,000 words and figure even out of that there's another 5 -10,000 which will need to be tossed but it's a solid beginning.
And today I started writing.
If Lea jumps in to fake nano with me, we'll have a finished 80,000 word book by the end of February. It might be the worst thing I'll ever write. It might be the best. But at least I'll have written it.
Terror is okay. As long as it doesn't get in the way of writing.