Weekend Goals

It was a shit week. So I had a lot riding on having a nice weekend and I got to say: it was brilliant.

First came Saturday morning and #beachday

I went to Spencer beach, which was a new beach for me and now my new favorite. The parking is right next to the beach so no lugging stuff all over the place. There were rest rooms right there. It wasn't necessarily the prettiest beach but it was the most comfortable I've found.

I see many beach days in my future.

Then I came home and finished my desk.

Mostly.

I'd already painted it red and put the contact paper on it. But on Saturday I put on the drawer pulls (a little crookedly) and spray painted the leg black. The desk had been an industrial gray with cheap wood pieces poking through. This is so much better.

Goes nicely with the pretty blue bookcases I painted.

I got a shelf up in my closet so now I have much needed extra storage.

Last goal in the bedroom is to make my own headboard and make my own rag rug. Very exciting.

It's becoming so much more the room I love.

Maybe I'm Afraid

I haven't been writing, not really. I've painted furniture and done day trips with my daughter and even took a nap but opening up the Word program and writing well, not so much

Because I'm terrified of failing.

I thought that maybe I'm just being too ambitious and I should write something else. Maybe I should hide behind my own silliness and not do this. What happens if I write it and it's awful? What happens if this story that means so much to me is crap in everyone else's eyes?

What if I'm not good enough to write something ambitious?

What if I am?

What if?

I know it's all bullshit. You don't get to be an old fart and not know when you're blowing smoke up your own ass. So I'm scared of failing and writing a shitty book. I won't know until I do it. So I might as well do it.

Yesterday I finally sat down with my nano project and culled the good stuff which was pretty okay. I saved about 35,000 words and figure even out of that there's another 5 -10,000 which will need to be tossed but it's a solid beginning.

And today I started writing.

If Lea jumps in to fake nano with me, we'll have a finished 80,000 word book by the end of February. It might be the worst thing I'll ever write. It might be the best. But at least I'll have written it.

Terror is okay. As long as it doesn't get in the way of writing.

A Warning to the Blogging Community

Since DA and SBTBs seem to have gone out of the 'outing' business, I thought I'd share this for any blogger who happened by. I got the link from Ilona Andrews' blog.


Scam

Live Life Like You Want It To Be

I love those moments of epiphany: the sudden 'hello, here's something you might want to do/try/think that will make your life better/happier/more functioning'.

So over the holidays I was fretting about my relationship with my sister and talked to my brother about it. And he warned me against doing something that would hurt our relationship and then I was told by my SIL why there were issues between my sister and I and I discovered that the reasons were bogus. Just completely ridiculous shit.

And I epiphanied. I epiphanied all over the damned place.

I realized that in my relationship with my sister I just need to have the relationship I want. If I want to be close to her then I need to be close to her. I can text or call anytime I want. I can email, Facebook her or even ignore her completely. It isn't about what she wants but rather how I decide to act.

She can't determine our relationship, she can only determine her relationship with me. As I determine mine with her. And if we don't see our sisterhood in the same way, who cares? Life is perception, not actuality.

I also want to mention that I read Land of the Beautiful Dead by R. Lee Smith (author of Last Hour of Gann) and I must say that although I read it in great big gulps, I didn't like the book at all. The heroine Lan was a tiresome bitch and the hero Azreal was a tiresome bore. But the writing is so good that I read the book despite wishing the H/h would fall into a volcano and die.

Will also mention that I painted two bookshelves and my desk is still a work in progress and I'll post pictures when it's all a little more pulled together. It's very messy right now.

And I want Willa to post pictures of her office. Purple and glitter is so my style.