Friday, March 1, 2013

The Silent Fart Finally Speaks

Hi -

Tall Fart Red speaking here. I wanted to explain why I don't post too much, that is if I don't run out of words. Ha ha.

Words have become a precious commodity for me because sometimes they're hard to come by. For example:

I want to say the villain has a constipated look about him, but I can't think of the word constipate. I know what I'm looking for means he can't shit (you should pardon my French) but I can't dredge up the concise, socially acceptable word I want to use. After all, it wouldn't sound right if I said he had a shitless look about him. Would it?

So, I circle the definition warily. Is the word I'm looking for constitution? No, that's not right, although every last politician who is supposed to be defending the constitution looks severely whatever the word is and definitely should take a dump. No, it's not constitution.

Continuity? No, that's not it, although if there were any continuity in life I'd remember the damn word I need.

Compression! We're getting closer because this is what should be done to his belly to relieve his shitless condition. Oh, and it's not condition either.

So - how did I finally arrive at the word?

I called the Short Fart Lori, of course.

"What's a word for when you can't shit?" I asked after the usual amenities had been observed.

Lori is an expert in these things. "Constipation," she immediately said and I could only admire her lack of word freeze. That's my expression for this condition; it's sort of like brain freeze when you eat ice cream and is self explanatory, I should think.

I also lost the use of my fingers, in that they can't find the right keys anymore. I could blame the keyboard - and have - but I suspect it's the arthritis and the crooked fingers.  Strike the F key and hit the G instead., lol.

Whatever the reason, it sure does make writing an adventure and between the word freeze and the fingers, I'm usually in a very bad mood. Far be it for me to inflict my bad mood on any innocent blog readers who might have popped in and for some reason want to keep it a secret ;-)  I would never want to contaminate them because we need to be strong and vibrant and alive these days when everything around us is changing.

So, there you have it. It's taken twice as long as it should have to type this post, so I'm going to stop now. I'm saving 'The Empty Brain Syndrome' for another post.

Maybe in about 3 months.


  1. Most people don't believe you really exist anyway. You're just one of my multiple personalities.

    The one with the bad vocabulary, obviously.

  2. Ms Carolyn, have you considered using voice to text software? I know Shiloh Walker experimented with it and I believe it's working for her--just a thought.

    On the brain vacuum--oh my lord, I hear you. It happens to me when I speak, not so much when I type (probably because when typing I can pause, stare at the screen and let it come to me), but I don't know of any way to alleviate it.

    So I'll just sent good thoughts your way (brimming with words, just in case)

  3. I think we need to club together and get you some voice recognition software! And maybe some shock therapy to fire up those lazy neuron?