Y'all know I don't really do book reviews but I have to talk about this book. How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis. It's about keeping house. While drowning. Drowning, of course, being overwhelmed, depressed, sad, tired, ADHD, in pain... you know, alive.
It is the best self-help book I've ever read. (Taking the place of Primal Scream.)
All my life, I've had someone telling me that I do everything wrong. Sometimes the someone is me but from childhood, I had constant criticism about a lot. And as an adult, the negativity was so strong... I remember losing a job and sobbing my guts out later asking the universe why I was such a failure as a human being.
I'm not that woman anymore (thank heavens) but I still have those moments when I don't have the energy or ability to sweep the floor or make a meal and I feel like I'm failing adulthood again.
This is the book to end that question.
KC Davis starts by reminding us that cleaning house or doing dishes does not have a moral equivalency. You are neither a good person or bad person when having dirty dishes in the sink. You're not a failed adult if the laundry is in a pile on the floor. For a myriad of reasons, sometimes we just can't. And we need to not judge ourselves because there's no good or bad.
We are not here to serve our house, she says. Our house is here to serve us. To put a roof over our heads, give us a safe space and to house us.
The book was even created for people with ADHD to read: short chapters, clear points and simple explanations. I personally do not have ADHD but I do have trauma brain and I appreciated the simplicity of the reading. It allowed me to catch the point quickly and savor the moment then move on.
She also gives some helpful hints for those who are drowning. If you have only the ability to get the dirty dishes in the kitchen and off the floor, that's perfect. If the laundry is piled up then have a clean pile and pick from there. Most of us don't give a damn about wrinkled clothes.
She even has suggestions for how to cope when showering or brushing your teeth is too overwhelming.
This book is brilliant. And even if you don't need it, which you may not, if you get the chance to read it: do. Anything that helps remove moral equivalency from daily living is an upvote from me.
Love y'all. Stay safe.
I may look for this.
ReplyDeleteI am struggling mightily with the shame of a dirty house myself; there's only so much energy to go around, and the stress about ::gestures at the world:: and the day job sap even that on a regular basis, but still, the pressure to 'do better' is constant.