Bits and Bobs

 Just a few random thoughts right now...

I got my witchcraft kit. Yes, I bought a kit. It has candles, herbs, crystals and other stuff. Do I need it? Probably not. But it's going to be a nice way to begin my journey on this spiritual path. I have been doing some reading and video watching and realized very clearly that following others is not the way for me.

Witchcraft, like religion or politics or anything that involves your morality as well as emotions, cannot be dictated by someone else. I know what I want to do. This isn't a blind game for me. Quite the opposite actually: I'm a 65 year old woman who has lived a lifetime of rage, sorrow and love. I knw exactly what I'm doing.

Taylor Swift.

Yes, we are all too evolved for celebrity gossip and shenanigans. Quite frankly, there's a greater backlash against celebrities nowadays since the Oprah/Rock fiasco. And it's about time. Let's abolish pedestals. Admire the work but be wary of the person. They truly, are only human.

I like Taylor. Certainly not a Swiftie but I have a few of her albums and I appreciate how she has spoken out about the sexism she's faced and the cruelty of men in the business. She calls them out by name and I admire that. I also like that she's been upfront about her own faults and shortcomings.

So the romance with the football player is enjoyable. I doubt they're the love story of the century but it's sweet. And I like him. I like that he openly said he was going to shoot his shot and it didn't happen so he tried again and got her interest. I like his openness and that he acknowledges that she's the bigger deal and he doesn't care. This guy has an ego that's perfectly sized.

Wallpaper

I got my kitchen wallpaper which I meant to put up this weekend and instead I became an energy mess. Seriously: on Friday my energy went haywire and I broke my printer and somehow lost my computer access and I was bouncing off walls. 

I slept all day and all night on Saturday. Today is Sunday and I'm doing better (got a casserole in the oven and I made brownies) and my mind is on a straighter path. But I was so frenetic on Friday that I'm convinced I somehow made everything go crazy.

More Wallpaper

The bedroom wallpaper should be here in about 2 weeks. I have Norman set up to install it (Norman is the apartment maintenance manager and I tip him generously and he helps me out with home projects). 

Nanowrimo

God, forgive me. I'm doing it.

But I'm co-writing with Lea so I'm thinking it will actually happen.

Good Omens 2

David Tennant kissed Michael Sheen and my world exploded momentarily.

While we're on the subject: Charlie's Angels with Kristen Stewart. Terrible movie but she shines in it and I'm gay everytime I watch it.

Jujitsu Kaisen: Just fuck me. If it gets any better I'll pay the $500 for the Nanami penis statue.

Love y'all. Vote blue. 

The End of My K-Pop Era

It's unfortunately official: my K-Pop era is ended. This is not a small thing for me and I'm handling a soft grief. But Korea has a mandatory 2 year military service requirement of all its men and my men are all gone.

There are many great K-Pop groups and many that are worth following and enjoying. But for me there was Monsta X. Mollie introduced me to them her senior year in high school and they made the transition from Mom to Mollie to empty nester a little more doable. Joohoney's solo album, PSYCHE, with it's manic rap, tear filled Stormy and jazzy love songs... came out during the pandemic and it's what describes the pandemic to me.

I loved these guys. They were young enough to be my grandsons, sexy enough to wake my libido and honestly nice enough to not be embarrassing. There was almost no toxic masculinity in these men, such a fabulous change from American men. I think about Justin Bieber and his pissing in buckets and disrespecting his fans and being a general dick and then you have these men who respect their elders, respect their fans and respect each other.

Shownu joined the military first but he left  others to keep going. And no slight to Shownu, but the albums released during the two years he was gone were amazing. The Dreaming was fantastic. Their American tour (post pandemic) was killer. 

Right when Shownu came back, Minhyuk left. Like immediately. (On a side note: there's been some photos of Minhyuk recently and he put on some weight and muscle and that beautiful boy has become a dropdead gorgeous Daddy.) Thought we'd have a moment to catch our breath: Shownu came and Minhyuk left. But then Joohoney announced he was going. And I started to feel so sad. (Honey is so special. My maternal side went into overdrive.) But it felt like only  seconds later that Kihyun was shaving his head and leaving too.)

So Shownu and Hyungwon released a mini album together and did a few stages. IM released a solo album (although I love IM, I don't care for his solo stuff. He's too emo teenager for my taste.)

And now Hyungwon announced he's joining the military in 3 weeks. He sounds happy and confident about it, and since 3 of his bandmates are already there then he feels more ready to go. And I am truly happy for him. He said he has no more fear about going so he'll do his two years.

I won't keep up anymore with them. Not really. They got me through a really hard time and I love them so much and will always be grateful. But they have their duty and my journey is not one of waiting.

Dear men of Monsta X: I love you. Whole heartedly, honestly, and deeply. You helped my heart when my heart was breaking. My loneliness wasn't as extreme because your music and your videos and online content kept me engaged and happy. Stay safe. Serve well. Come back to your Monbebe and find your happiness and loves.

I love you all so much.

How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis

Y'all know I don't really do book reviews but I have to talk about this book. How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis. It's about keeping house. While drowning. Drowning, of course, being overwhelmed, depressed, sad, tired, ADHD, in pain... you know, alive. 

It is the best self-help book I've ever read. (Taking the place of Primal Scream.)

All my life, I've had someone telling me that I do everything wrong. Sometimes the someone is me but from childhood, I had constant criticism about a lot. And as an adult, the negativity was so strong... I remember losing a job and sobbing my guts out later asking the universe why I was such a failure as a human being. 

I'm not that woman anymore (thank heavens) but I still have those moments when I don't have the energy or ability to sweep the floor or make a meal and I feel like I'm failing adulthood again.

This is the book to end that question.

KC Davis starts by reminding us that cleaning house or doing dishes does not have a moral equivalency. You are neither a good person or bad person when having dirty dishes in the sink. You're not a failed adult if the laundry is in a pile on the floor. For a myriad of reasons, sometimes we just can't. And we need to not judge ourselves because there's no good or bad.

We are not here to serve our house, she says. Our house is here to serve us. To put a roof over our heads, give us a safe space and to house us. 

The book was even created for people with ADHD to read: short chapters, clear points and simple explanations. I personally do not have ADHD but I do have trauma brain and I appreciated the simplicity of the reading. It allowed me to catch the point quickly and savor the moment then move on.

She also gives some helpful hints for those who are drowning. If you have only the ability to get the dirty dishes in the kitchen and off the floor, that's perfect. If the laundry is piled up then have a clean pile and pick from there. Most of us don't give a damn about wrinkled clothes.

She even has suggestions for how to cope when showering or brushing your teeth is too overwhelming.

This book is brilliant. And even if you don't need it, which you may not, if you get the chance to read it: do. Anything that helps remove moral equivalency from daily living is an upvote from me.

Love y'all. Stay safe.

Witchy Season

 

This might be a slightly strange post so forgive me.

A few months back I found Witch Tok on TikTok and found it to be interesting, silly, banal, intriguing and very feminist. There's something in the practice of witchcraft that's appealing in 2 ways for me:

1. It's truly a female craft and 

2. it's a craft. As much as sewing or knitting or writing a poem.

I told Carolyn "I'm going to become a witch" and she said something along the lines of "uhhuh" since a week earlier I was running away to join the circus. After almost 20 years she knows my mind better than most.

And she was right. I moved on and looked at other things and life kept life-ing and all was fine. But turning 65, officially a crone, and I'm returning to the wish of witching. Not in a desire to curse my enemies or do "spells" as much as reclaiming something that has been lacking in my life: spirituality or the connection to the universe without the all powerful Sky Daddy.

I jokingly said that I want to learn how to use make-up so I can shape shift (but it wasn't a joke at all) (I want more faces), so I want to welcome something spiritual in my life. 

So today I made a simmer pot. Citrus fruits, rose petals, cinnamon sticks and cloves and a low simmer. Stir counter clockwise. My apartment smells heavenly. Did I chant a spell. No, I sent words of love to my daughter. I reached inside myself and sent out love.

I intend to learn more. I have no clue what is out there or what will resonate. It's like the candles I found today at TJ Maxx. The minute I saw them I knew I had my spell bowls. I'm trusting that between me and the universe, I'll find what I need.

**Addendum: at 1:30 am my daughter woke me because she had put her name in a lottery for a concert ticket and a meet with her #1 K-Pop group (this will be her third concert). She called me to tell me she won and will meet her crush of so many years. It was wild exciting for her. A dream come true.

Did I help that happen? I think maybe. I want to think maybe. 

We'll see. 

Love to you all. Stay safe.

Meet Wednesday Addams

 

A little less than a year ago, Mollie came for Christmas. We discussed getting a kitten, a cat so Murder would have a sibling. Someone sweet, someone playful. We got Wednesday Addams instead.

Wednesday came from the cat rescue. She was 5 months old when we got her. She was sweet and calm we were told. A quiet kitten. Perfect for Murder and I.

Wednesday is a monster. She destroys everything in her path and her path veers everywhere. She bites when she wants attention, she bites when she's stimulated, she bites when she's bored, she bites when the wind blows, when the birds sing and whenever the fuck she feels like biting. And not nips. This girl draws blood.

She tolerates three seconds of petting and then wants three hours of tail spanks. She really likes me looking at her ass.

Anyway, she's the bane of my existence, the thorn on my rose, the bitters in my beverage. Love her to death.

Love you all too. Stay safe.

Girl Math/Boy Math

A lot of men out there seriously hate women. And "not all men" to be sure, but enough that it's starting to slide into it's own pandemic. And with feminine rage slowly growing it's starting to become a real battlefield.

Why isn't feminine rage man hating? Because women actually don't hate men. We hate the system. The patriarchy. The politics. Capitalism and fundamental Christianity. We hate "a women's place is in the home" and the barefoot and pregnant trope. We hate being called gold diggers if we expect a man to pay for a date he asked us on and then called "mid" and fat and a spinster in waiting if we refuse that same man access to our body.

We have had our worth measured in pounds. Our attractiveness held up to professional models and actresses and women who have honestly had a rib removed to achieve a motherfucking tiny waist.

We are talked over. We are groped by a stranger walking down the street.

And when we seek community online whether we share our experiences (Me Too) or just have fun (Girl Math) then men come into our spaces to belittle us, doubt us and try to force us to our knees. 

And women have finally started shooting back. Ergo: boy math. 

Girl Math: Finding a dress you love at 50 percent off so you buy 2 and that means you got 1 free.

Boy Math: Wanting to get laid and not have babies but not buying condoms.

Boy Math: Complaining about gold digging women while living in your mother's basement.

The men are pissed and the women are laughing. 

Men hate when women laugh at them. Women hate when men bully, silence and murder us. But it's not going to keep us quiet anymore.

And by the way. I'm  65 and never been married. I live alone in my brightly decorated apartment with 2 cats, a fuck ton of books and fresh baked cookies. I have a daughter who on my birthday posted for the world to see "my best friend" when referring to me and I am still crying. This isn't punishment, Sir, this is reward for a hard lived life.