Exhausted

How are you all doing?

Personally, I'm exhausted. Deep down, beyond the bones, tired to my soul.

America is eroding before our eyes. Every day becomes harder to slog through when it feels like we're pushing against an ocean.

I don't know how to do this. We're not prepared for such venal behavior in our world. And we're like rocks with the beating waves, constantly diminished by the pounding... becoming grains of sand.

My sister and her wife came to visit and the wife got pneumonia. We suddenly had a sick, very sick, person in the house and all plans were changed.

My daughter is a senior and suddenly sees the world looming ahead and she's panicking. She doesn't know how to do this. How to adult. I want to tell her that neither do I. Neither do any of us. But we manage. We keep going even when we're running on empty and nothing feeds us anymore.

I'm grabby hands with anything that brings me pleasure nowadays because nothing lasts. Books give less escape, movies disappoint. Crafts give moments of pleasure but sometimes they're so damned hard to do (last night I tried to start knitting with the worst yarn and worst needles I've ever used. I threw it across the room in anger and despair.)

I don't know how to recharge anymore.

Nobody prepares us for this. For the soul crushing fear, the paranoia, the terror of wondering what comes next when the world you know ids changing for the worse.

When Nazis can be very fine people, how do you sleep well? When babies are taken from their parents and molested and die, how do you be a part of humanity?

How do we do this? We're not just yelling into a void, we're dying in that void.

America is dead.