FIRE

 The blazing structure is the Wild Ginger Inn, about a yard from the fence that separates them from us. In other words, we were evacuated at 2am because it looked like our apartment house was going to be ablaze.

I could not get my cats to leave the apartment. Usually I can't force them to stay inside and the one time I'm begging them to leave, they hide from me. I had to evacuate without them and I called Carolyn from my car, sobbing, sure I left my cats to die.

I can't even ... this is the second fire we had to deal with within a year. Our neighbors, once again, were on the ball and kept everyone moving and safe. I get on a plane tomorrow and I feel like the universe wanted to remind me what real trauma is. The problem is that I'm so fucking done with these moments.

But we are all fine. We are all alive and well. I don't know if there were any casualties in last night's fire (I pray not). 

Anyway, the blog will be radio silent for over a week. I fly out tomorrow for 9 days of family time. Apparently I'm a trauma magnet.

(And thank you Carolyn for listening to me freak out last night. You have no idea how much of a safe space you provided)

Addendum: one person perished in the fire.

Travel

 

Today is another No King's Protest which yay! Protesters Rock!

I'm battling an energy funk which is mixed into an age and depression and menopause thing that makes a heady stew of everything hurts, everything itches and I need another nap.

It isn't helpful that I'm on a plane in less than a week to spend a week with my family. Stress free living right there. The lovely thing is that I, being the world's best me in existence, smartened up this time and planned ahead. Since I have 4 long flights I upgraded my seats to Premier class for 2 flights and made sure to get window seats for all 4 flights. I booked wheelchair service ahead so I won't be trying to walk through the labyrinths that airports are nowadays.

I'll actually start packing this weekend,  just taking things a step ahead. I'm working on an assumption that the more I'm prepared the more comfortable I'll be. I have a therapy appointment scheduled for the middle of the trip and Carolyn and I will have only an hour time difference between us so she can expect some calls. 

OH!!  I got my nose pierced too. My therapist said it was a talisman which delighted me. I think I'm just finally giving up on trying to be liked by anyone but myself. 

All that's really left as a big struggle is figuring out what books to bring. I'll post my choices later.

BOO! It's Your Government

 

2018 was the longest government shutdown for 35 days. We're in week 2 and there are mass firings happening at the federal level. The military is not guaranteed pay but they have to show up to work. Airports are shutting down because there aren't air traffic controllers.

America under Republicans = government not working, people losing jobs, military unpaid. 

And people still support them. 

~    ~    ~    ~

I'm sitting in my living room at my desk playing around and suddenly I need to move my couch. It's an obsession. And I suddenly had an epiphany that as the world around us becomes more chaotic, the need to refresh my space is my way of controlling change and getting some comfort with it.

Just a thought...

 

Goddamn. 

That's the post right there. Every day is a day that ends in Goddamn. Nothing is making sense. Politics is like ... like having humanoids in government. They look like us but they don't act like us. 

Carolyn and I watch news videos throughout the day and we share and discuss them and we rarely can anymore. It's impossible to understand what's happening and the pure idiocy is astonishing. The only people who are making sense currently seem to be Bernie Sanders ... and? Is there anyone else? Jasmine Crockett maybe?

Anyway, I'm personally careening between anxiety one minute and exhaustion the next. I'm purging my home in a rather big way. I don't even know why. 

Less than two weeks for the big family trip. Working on tips and tricks to get through it.

Fall is Falling

 

Well hello Fall.

I'm going on a family trip in a couple of weeks and I already booked a therapy session for the middle of it (hahaha!) This is one of those things that can go in a million different directions so I need to keep boundaries high and expectations low.

I have a new therapist, someone local so we can meet in an office. She asked me to tell her about my mother and I started telling stories about my mother from my childhood and ... it was shocking. I knew she was bad but sitting and just starting at point A and then going through, one after the other, she was just as damaging as a sexual predator father. 

I'm still dealing with the revelations of my mother's actions. It was just overwhelming to see for myself.

From now until I leave on my trip, I plan to just go down my to-do list and get everything checked off. I want to come home to a clean slate.

The Post Office cutie and I are a not-happening deal. We exchanged some short text messages but she doesn't have time for a coffee and that's okay. We are all living our lives as best we can. I'm glad I had that experience of meeting and falling for her.