This Old Fart is Stumped

I wish I could find some distinguishing characteristic that would allow me to identify erotica before I buy the book. It's getting harder and harder to find books with a decent plot, a slow romance and one, maybe two explicit sex scenes, sex scenes that don't read like someone put a porn film into words.

I like sex in my books. It's just that I like more than sex in my books. Like, you know, characterization outside of lust and the bedroom, stuff like that. And I don't mind graphic, but I prefer lightly graphic or medium graphic (is that called explicit?). I can do with less body fluid (do any of these people ever need KY?) as well as an in-depth description of every body part, especially the primary sex organs. I don't care if her pubic hair is straight or curly or if she's bald down there. I don't care if her nipples are brown, red or pink. I care that they have feelings for each other and strain to embrace those feelings physically. Please, no point A to point B to point C.

So, this is part of Kristen Callihan's blurb for the hook up: "That is until a chance encounter leads to the hottest sex of their lives, along with the possibility of something great."

And this is part of the blurb for Elle Kennedy's The Deal: "But when one unexpected kiss leads to the wildest sex of both their lives, it doesn't take long for Garrett to realize that pretend isn't going to cut it."

I read and loved Elle Kennedy's book. The sex didn't overwhelm me. I've just started Callihan's book and at 13%, I'm thinking I might just set it aside. The dreaded DNF.

I've read Kristen Callihan before; I have all her Darkest London books, which is why I took a chance on the hook up when everyone was raving about it. Well, they raved about The Deal too, so I can't use that as my standard.

It would be nice if reviewers would indicate if a book was erotica. I suppose it might be difficult when even Romance has evermore explicit sex scenes. But there's explicit and then there's graphic. And I'm finding it difficult to distinguish between the two. I got into a 'discussion' with a reviewer on Amazon who gave Radiance one star because it had 'graphic sex'. She was enjoying it until then. But evidently she doesn't believe in skimming; she immediately stopped reading and RETURNED THE BOOK!!  Amazon Review

I'm too damn old. This was just not done in my day. In my day you were responsible for your own errors and you can be damn sure if I don't continue with the hook up, I will NOT be returning it.

Okay, enough about that, I'm getting upset again. Oh, but let me say, this new NA genre ... I absolutely love some of it and wrinkle my nose at others. Love Sarina Bowen, Elle Kennedy, Courtney Milan's Trade Me - I liked that book better than her historicals.

So. I guess I should put up some book covers:

 Damn it! Can't situate these images as I'd like to. Sorry about that.  *sigh*.

If anyone ever figures out how to differentiate these books, please clue me in, lol. I know some blogs have flames or kisses or whatever to denote heat. I'm not a big blog surfer; the blogs I check out are over there on the sidebar.

If book prices go up (as per the rumor), my book buying will be severely decreased.  I don't mind blowing $3-$4 on something I discover I don't want to read. $9 or $10 bucks is a whole different story.

I guess it's all a crap shoot. One can't go by author anymore (except Nora, we all know what we get with Nora.)  :-)

Dear Carolyn,

Well it's Monday morning and my self-cleaning oven is self-cleaning, my little girl cat is trying to hump my big girl cat (yes, I have a lesbian kitty) and I've decided to try and write porn.

This is going to be an experiment in porn writing. I have a story where the heroine was being forced to choose between two men but instead she's choosing them both. So there is going to be a threesome.

As an aside, a threesome is one of the few things I never did in my long and lusty career as a courtesan. Oh there were times I was tempted, especially when the Duke of Strappingonaham showed up at my door just as the Earl of Roastbeefonrye was leaving. I remember thinking to myself, "What a meaty repast those two would be."

Alas, it was not meant to happen.

So I'm thinking that I'll make a list of body parts and then number them for attention. A checklist of sorts. Neck nibbles? Check. Nipples sucked? Check. Lapping folds and mouthy goodness? Okey dokey.

The only thing is that I don't get off on the idea of double/dual penetration and the old blow job usually makes me gag in sympathy response. OMG! Speaking of such: I was reading a very popular author who described a blow job so deep that his pubic hair was brushing on her lip. Gads! I just gagged writing that.

Don't women in sex scenes have a gag reflex?

Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes. Right now I'm going to bake something chocolatey and then start my list. It's gonna be sprinkling sex here in Seattle today... hee hee.

Dear Carolyn,

I finished When Beauty Tamed the Beast by Eloisa James. I'm reluctant to start another book right now for fear of disappointment. After reading something this perfect, whatever comes next is sure to be disappointing.

I loved everything about the book. Linnet, the heroine, was perfect while not being obnoxious or coy. Piers was a beast but also sympathetic and brilliant and damned funny. I was madly in love with him. Oh hell, I was madly in love with them both.

And yes, I loved Sebastian also. I hope Ms. James thinks about giving him a story. But it must be brilliant also.

I should take a break from reading and do some writing. I have a sexy sex scene I'm working on and it's killing me. I've never had sex with two men so it's a little hard to write. And since I don't want to have one boinking her while the other chokes her on his man meat, it's taking a little more work.

I hate those sex scenes, by the way. I'm still cringing over a Maya Banks story where he shoved down her throat so deeply his pubic hair was almost in her throat. I started to gag just reading that. I mean, yuck. Oral sex is fine on occasion but any man shoves his sausage down my throat and it's breakfast time and I'm chewing, if you know what I mean.

I don't know how I moved from a wonderful book to the subject of having breakfast balls dangling from one's mouth. I think I'm going to go have some cake and consider how to move three bodies in a way that pleases me.

Sleep well darlin'. Hope I have something for you to read in the morning.

Lori