Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Crowdsource Me! Crowdsource Carolyn!

Okay, so Carolyn and I have talked it over and decided to start a Kickstarter ourselves. I mean seriously, we like to do all the happening things that other authors are doing and hate to get left behind. That's why later we'll be introducing our new MC/Rock Star/Xtreme Fighting series: Songs for A Fast Heart.

But back to the important stuff... We Want Your Money! 

So we're going to kickstart a new project in the hopes of fleecing unsuspecting dupes interesting discerning readers with our new genre: Viagra Porn!!  Tah-dah!

Drawing on personal experience (and the stuff we make up) we'll be writing about seniors who pop the little blue pill and then satisfy anyone willing to see hairy, droopy balls with a raging five incher. Oh yeah baby. What can be hotter than bald spots, liver spots and old dicks? Hell, I just got moist writing that.

So seriously...

Reading about that YA author and her Kickstarter campaign was interesting. I'd never give money to an author to help support her unless it was Jennifer Crusie and she wanted to pay for therapy to get over her Goddamned writer's block. But anyone else can suck my wizened balls.

Plus I'm cheap.

And poor.

Beyond that though... it seems that if a midlist writer loses a contract or doesn't do as well as s/he wants and is looking for other options, I'd have to ask if that person has looked seriously at their own career or writing. I mean, really looked at it.

Author writes book. Publisher sells book. Book tanks. Publisher releases author from contract. Author seeks other funding even though she uh... failed. Instead of asking other people for money to live on to continue a series that didn't do well enough, how about asking for money for writing classes? Improve your craft. Figure out why you lacked sales and work on that.

Am I being mean? Probably. But if you made burgers and people stopped buying your burgers because the buns are stale and the burgers down the street are better, then improve your business model, improve your product and try again.

Try Viagra Porn. It's new. It's hot. And for a $20. donation, we'll send pictures. For $25. we won't.


  1. And for a $20. donation, we'll send pictures. For $25. we won't.

    I can't breathe!!!

  2. "Do I have to write something?" she whined. "Can't I just be greedy?"

  3. The cheque is in the mail...


  4. Woot! Our first dupe, I mean, customer.

  5. Says the person who believes there is a cheque... bahahahaha. Besides, gotta be first at something :)